


this love (will be your downfall)

by starsandstark



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Birthday Sex, Cheating, Dirty Talk, Divorce, Drug Use, M/M, Stony - Freeform, Superhusbands, Threesome, Tony gets therapy, bottom!Steve, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 07:03:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 52,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandstark/pseuds/starsandstark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Previously Titled "Not Only You and Me." Tony and Bucky get together to make a memorable birthday experience for Steve. Things happen, Bucky finds himself staying over at Stark Tower more & more often until things start to fall apart and relationships are challenged.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

This entire idea comes when Tony can't think of anything to give Steve for his birthday. He’s always so hard to buy for because he doesn’t like the lavish gifts that Tony loves to give. Steve's mentioned it before when he sees a video online that Bucky sends him, he knows what he wants. At first Tony thinks he's joking because the thought of anyone trading porn with Steve Stark-Rogers is unfathomable. But it happened, so they’re here now, Steve’s eyes covered by a red, white and blue blindfold.

Tony leads Steve to the edge of the bed where Bucky is sitting naked and fully erect. The two switch places, circling around Steve until Tony is on the bed. He reaches out, taking both of Steve’s hands and pulling him closer.

“Tony,” Steve chuckles, clearly unsure of what the hell he’s supposed to be doing. But then a pair of arms comes around him, a strong and familiar grip, and Steve realizes that his hands are still being held by those of his husband.

“Happy Birthday, Cap,” Bucky says lowly, his lips against the shell of Steve’s ear.

Steve rips his hands from Tony’s, removing the blindfold and spinning around. He pulls Bucky into a tight hug and it takes a moment for it to register that Bucky isn't exactly clothed.

“Uh,” Steve begins, glancing down and then back at Tony who’s steadily removing his clothing. “Care to explain?”

Tony emits a husky chuckle and when he looks up at Steve there’s a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“Your birthday present,” Tony answers, slipping his unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders. “You told me not to buy you anything, right? I know you mentioned a threesome before and I know how much you love getting stuffed so full I took it upon myself to fetch Barnes for a little romp in the bedroom.”

“Tony, can we—? We didn’t talk about this.”

“We talked about it,” Bucky interjects, gesturing to Tony.

“That’s the point,” Tony replies with a smirk, grabbing Steve by his tie. “The point of a birthday present is to surprise the birthday boy. Come here, you’re wearing way too many clothes.”

Steve allows himself to be pushed down on the bed and Tony moves to straddle him, unbutton his shirt with skilled fingers.

He glances across the room to Bucky. "Well don't just stand there looking pretty. Get over here, make yourself comfortable."

So Bucky does and soon enough Steve’s on his knees, his hard cock in his hand, twisting and pulling as Tony and Steve take turns thrusting into his open mouth. Bucky reaches down, grabbing Steve’s forearm and pulling him to be bed.

“C’mon, that’s enough.”

“Someone wants to get down and dirty,” Tony teases, following behind. He lets Bucky fuck Steve before himself because ‘guests first,’ and Tony takes his time straddling Steve with his dick in Steve’s throat, fucking his face relentlessly.

With drool coming from the corners of Steve’s mouth he finally pushes Tony away, having had enough of deep throating to last a few weeks at the least.

“You ready?” Bucky asks, lazily kissing along Steve’s jaw, “Ready take us both?”

“Yeah,” Steve replies, clearing his throat and wiping at his chin.

"You're sure about this?" he asks huskily, hands gripping Steve's hips once he’s in position, the blunt tip of his cock prodding against Steve's already-strained hole.

"I can do it," Steve replies firmly, "If I can take your whole hand I think I’ll be fine."

Tony stops to wonder if that’s Steve’s attempt at sass but his thoughts are cut off when Steve lets out a small whine as Bucky’s lips nip at his ear, teeth tugging at his earlobe. Tony smirks, his hands on Steve’s shoulders, sliding down to his taught belly, his fingers playfully tracing patterns across it.

“...the whole thing?” Bucky asks, delayed.

“Yeah, he's sort of a champ," Tony laughs, reaching for the bottle of lube and slathering his dick. "He wants this," Tony laughs as Bucky grabs hold of Steve's hardened cock. "Look at him."

"Hell yes I want it," Steve groans, shifting to get comfortable.

"Look at that," Bucky marvels, dipping his fingers into Steve's relaxed ass alongside his own throbbing member, “God, he just keeps taking it.”

"Beautiful, right?" Tony replies, slapping his husband's hip lightly. "You ready?”

“More than ready,” Steve replies, his voice breathy and nervous but not unsure. He wants this; he wants both of them so incredibly bad.

Tony throws a leg over both of Bucky’s, settling down and thrusting in with one smooth motion.

Steve’s mouth falls open, the back of his head resting on Bucky’s shoulder, “Oh god.”

“You okay?” Bucky and Tony ask in unison.

“Okay?” Steve grunts, clenching down on both of them involuntarily, “S-so good. Oh man, wow. This… this is definitely intense.”

“How’s it feel?”

“Full,” Steve says with a breathy chuckle.

“Should I move?” Bucky asks, glancing past Steve’s shoulder at Tony.

“I’ll move first,” Tony answers and when he does he pulls out, sliding back in with ease. “There we go,” he breathes steadily, “Such a good boy.”

“Oh yeah. God, Tony, just like that.”

Steve feels lips on his neck as Bucky sucks temporary bruises, his eyes closed blissfully. He can’t imagine anything better than this, Steve’s heavy body on top of him, Tony Stark’s dick pressed to close to his, all surrounded by the searing heat of Steve’s gorgeous ass. He begins to move once Steve finally relaxes but soon grows frustrated, unable to completely lose himself in this position.

“Can we switch?” Bucky asks breathlessly, looking up to see Steve and Tony are totally entranced, their fingers interlaced on Steve’s belly.

“Yeah, sure,” Tony shrugs, pulling out completely. He falls to the side, settling down on his back and beckoning his husband, “Come here, baby, sit on my dick.”

Steve obeys with a breathy laugh, straddling Tony and leaning down to kiss him languidly, his hips rolling back and forth in a slow, steady grind. Bucky settles down behind Steve, hands on Steve’s hips, making a line of kisses from the nape of his neck to his ear where he whispers, “You ready?”

Steve turns his head with a smile, catching Bucky’s mouth with his own in a chaste kiss, “Go ‘head. I’m ready.”

When Bucky slides in Steve braces himself above Tony so they can both move easily. The feeling of his ass being stretched so wide, so open, and the fact that Bucky and Steve are still fitting inside so easily is enough to make Steve come alone. But the hold that Bucky has on his hips, the way Tony’s fingers wrap around Steve’s forearms, the feeling of two cocks sliding inside of him is unparalleled by anything he’s ever experienced.

Tony looks up at Bucky with a smirk, “Talk dirty to him, he eats that up.”

Bucky nods, fucking down into Steve relentlessly, “You love this, Steve?” he asks, panting, “You were such an innocent little boy. Not anymore. God, look at you take this; you love it.”

“Dirtier,” Tony suggests, speeding up his thrusts to increase the intensity. “Like this: fuck, baby, your ass is gaping wide, fucking you so deep. You have such a pretty ass, you hear it slurping?” Tony purrs. “Swallowing two cocks like it’s nothing. So loose, you’re so greedy, such a slut for this. Oh my god, baby. Fuck, you like this, you love it, love to take it, love two cocks inside of you.”

Bucky laughs, his hands roaming over Steve’s muscular back, “What’s there left to say after that?”

Tony shrugs best he can, “Anything that comes to mind. He’ll come if you do it long enough.”

Steve grunts, “I will.”

“You wanna come?” Bucky asks, pausing with his cock mid-thrust and littering Steve’s shoulders with kisses, “Gonna make you come so hard.”

“Yeah,” Steve replies breathlessly lying down completely so that his chest is flushed against Tony’s. “I’m ready.”

Bucky presses one hand to Steve’s back for support, cock pounding into him relentlessly, “You crazy bitch, look at you, you’re so good. God, Steve, who knew you fucked so good? You want all of this; you have such a pretty cunt, so open and ready for us both. Gonna come inside you, make a sticky mess, you’ll be so wrecked.”

“Oh yeah,” Steve grunts. “Good, more. Gimme more.”

Steve thrusts back with strained whimpers to meet Bucky’s rhythm, his cock poking into Tony’s belly and that’s enough to send him over. He comes, semen dribbling down the head of his cock and sliding between Tony’s stomach and his own. He’s moaning so loud that Bucky can’t even think about anything but this; the tight heat of Steve’s ass and the entire situation. He’s here, right now, fucking Steve, fucking him so good while his husband is here, his husband is inside of Steve, too, and they all 3 love it so much.

As promised, Bucky comes, but he can’t find the boldness to do so inside of Steve. Instead he pulls out, pumping his cock and splattering thick ropes across the small of Steve’s back. Steve whines at the loss, still breathless from his orgasm.

“I’m the last one standing?” Tony laughs, thrusting up into Steve lazily and receiving a nod in return.

“Yeah,” Steve smiles, hands on Tony’s shoulders. He kisses him, thorough and passionate and languid, pulling away only to whisper, “Love you.”

Tony returns the smile and Steve admires the crow’s feet at the corners of his eyes, reaching up to touch them fondly. They both shift when Bucky collapses onto the mattress, still trying to catch his breath.

“God, you’re so loose now,” Tony laughs. He reaches around, slipping 2 fingers in next to his dick. There still isn’t enough friction so Tony adds 2 more fingers, slipping them in past the rim of Steve’s strained ass.

“Fuck,” he hisses. “Oh shit, that’s good. Ride me, baby, make me come."

Steve makes no effort to move, his face still pressed into the crook of his husband’s neck.

“That’s an order, Captain.”

That one draws a laugh out of Steve who sits up and slips Tony’s fingers out of his ass, amending, “Okay, okay.”

He reaches forward, grabbing the headboard with one hand for better leverage as he rises onto his knees and begins bouncing easily. He grinds down when Tony is least expecting it, earning a low growl as Tony grabs his hips. Steve reaches for something, anything, and finds Tony’s knee with his free hand, rocking back and forth desperately and Tony’s thrusting into him again, his entire body stiffening as he comes inside of his husband.

Tony shouldn’t be surprised when Steve continues rocking hard, riding out another orgasm, this one less powerful than the first, but it’s still amazing. It’s as if they’re the only two in the room now and Tony’s gazing up at Steve and Steve’s head is dropped back, fingers digging into Tony’s knee until he finally comes down. When he does he slides off to the side but Tony catches him the by hips.

“Lemme see,” Tony murmurs quietly, grabbing at Steve’s ass. “Hands and knees. Bucky, come look at this.”

Bucky does as he’s told, crawling over to where Steve and Tony are on the opposite side of the bed. "Damn."

“Look at that,” Tony moans. “Goddamn, look at that. It’s so pretty."

Tony leans down, slipping his tongue easily inside of Steve’s loose hole, swirling it once and pressing a kiss over it. He pulls back, falling onto his side with a sigh and pulling Steve along with him.

“Definitely want to try that again,” Steve says after a while, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” Bucky sighs in agreement, settling down on the opposite side of Steve and he promises himself that he isn’t jealous when Steve curls up to sleep with his head on Tony’s chest.

Steve is asleep within minutes chest rising and falling as the sticky mess of sweat and come dries on his thighs.

“Nice to see him again,” Bucky says after a while, clearing his throat, “Wish we could do it more. See him, I mean, not—not fuck him. Well, I mean—shit.”

“Yeah,” Tony shrugs, “Busy saving the world and all that, you know?”

“Doesn’t much care about his other friends, I guess.”

"He still cares," Tony admits knowingly, glancing across the top of Steve's head, "He talks about you all the time."

"What good is talking?" Bucky retorts dismally, "At the end of the day you're still the one who gets to take him home and call him your husband. Tony, the way he looks at you- I've never seen him look at anyone else that way before."

Tony argues, "That’s not exactly fair. Steve hasn't exactly had his share of love interests."

Bucky nods and he feels so foolish for even going through with this. He wouldn’t have had Tony not said that Steve mentioned that a threesome was definitely something he wanted. He sits up, sliding off the bed.

Tony hesitates until Bucky is halfway dressed to say, “You—you don’t have to go.”

“Nah, I better."

“Stay and crash with us.”

“Okay,” Bucky finally says when he realizes that Tony isn’t going to give up.

He slips his t-shirt off, tossing it onto the floor and climbing back into bed. Tony reaches with his arm that isn’t wrapped around his husband, grabbing an extra pillow and tossing it to Bucky. Bucky settles down on Tony’s other side and he’s almost asleep when he feels Tony’s fingers tangle in his hair, lulling him to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

"Morning," Tony mumbles into his coffee mug as Bucky enters the kitchen wearing only his boxers and a t-shirt. He gestures to the counter, "There's coffee."

"Where's Cap?" Bucky asks, his voice still thick from sleep.

"Went for a run."

Bucky eyes Tony quizzically. "Shouldn't you still be sleeping?"

"Should be," he shrugs. "But I wanted to talk to you. Got a minute?"

Bucky nods, sliding out a chair across from Tony and sitting down, coffee mug clutched between his hands. He searches for an explanation in Tony's eyes for any hint of what he might need to talk about, but nope. Nothing. Tony is so damn unreadable and that irritates the hell out of Bucky.

"You okay?" Tony asks. "Last night you seemed bothered by all this."

Bucky shrugs before mumbling, "Yeah, I was being stupid. I don't know where that came from."

"Does he know you feel that way?"

Bucky narrows his eyes, "What way?"

"I know I wasn't hammered last night," Tony huffs, leaning forward with his arms crossed. "I remember what the fuck you said and how the fuck you were acting. Don't act like I didn't see you pining. No, don't get up. Get your ass back here, Barnes."

Tony pushes off the table, following Bucky down the hall to their bedroom and leaving his coffee long forgotten.

"What the hell do you want from me?" Bucky asks, exasperated.

"I should be asking you the same thing," Tony retorts sarcastically, "Look, just stick around 'til Cap comes back. You two can talk and you can resolve whatever the hell it is that's bothering you."

"And you?"

Tony gestures down the hall, "Shower. Wanna join me?"

Bucky tilts his head in the slightest unsure movement.

Tony snickers, slowly stepping backwards toward the bedroom with a smirk on his face. "I'm just kidding. Unless you wanna join me then, by all means, do so."

Bucky shakes his head in silence, vaguely scratching at his stomach before stumbling back to the kitchen.

When the elevator dings Bucky's head snaps at the sound. The last thing to he needs to see right now is a shirtless, panting, sweaty Steve walking towards him with his track pants hanging dangerously low on his hips.

"Hey," Steve says breathlessly, smiling. "Didn't know you'd still be here. Tony still asleep?"

"Said he was gonna shower," Bucky mumbles, trying his best to keep his eyes focused on Steve's face rather than his sweat-slicked abs.

He watches in a trance-like state as Steve crosses the room to the hallway, the way Steve's muscles move under his skin, the drops of sweat sliding down the dimples in his back, just above the waistband of his pants, in the exact spot that was smeared with Bucky's semen just last night.

"Wait," Bucky calls shakily. "Can we—you got a minute? I wanna talk about last night."

"Give me ten minutes," Steve calls over his shoulder.

When he walks into his and Tony's bathroom he fully intends on a quick shower. But damn it, Tony is in there, so Steve decides that Bucky can wait a little longer to talk.

Bucky doesn't have to ask questions about why it took Steve more than ten minutes; he knew Tony was in the shower. He should have figured out that he had more time to think about what he needs to tell Steve. He has it memorized in his head but when Steve walks back into the common room barefoot with a towel around his neck, Bucky loses focus and can only stare at the blank canvas of Steve's chest.

Steve plops down on the couch next to his best friend, sighing deeply and turning his head to the side.

"What's up?"

Bucky worries his bottom lip with his teeth, fingernails scratching at the microsuede on the sofa. With one look up into those gorgeous blue eyes he's at a loss for words.

"I miss you," he spits out finally.

"I miss you, too," Steve replies, still smiling and goddamn it, that isn't helping matters.

"I… I feel like you—"

"Tony told me what you said last night," Steve cuts in quietly, finally looking away. "Why didn't you just tell me you missed seeing me?"

Bucky groans in frustration. "Steve, it isn't that easy."

"Yes it is," the blond replies slowly, "Look, whatever happened last night meant nothing. I mean, unless you wanted it to mean anything. In that case…"

"I thought it was just your birthday present," Bucky mumbles.

"No?" Steve guesses, standing up. "Look, I've got a meeting to get to get ready for. We'll talk more later. Jarvis, can you let Tony know Bucky's still here? Tell him that I'm picking dinner up on the way home and I expect him to be upstairs by six. Also set up a reminder call for him just before I get back. It should be right at six."

Jarvis' crisp, automated tone flows through the floor, "Captain Rogers, I don't believe I'm capable of performing such a request."

Bucky looks up at the ceiling, still not used to the idea of a voice coming through the ceiling.

Steve huffs, "Tell him I said so or he'll be out of the bedroom for a week. Six o'clock, Jarvis."

"Yes sir."

By the time Steve gets back with Chinese, Bucky has finally showered and dressed. Steve recognizes that he's in one of Steve's t-shirts. As Steve sets the bags on the table he smirks.

"You're stealing my clothes now?"

Bucky shrugs, rubbing at the back of his neck, "Couldn't find mine."

Steve runs a hand through his hair idly as an awkward silence settles over them.

"Pumpkin!" Tony gasps sarcastically from somewhere behind his husband. He isn't entirely thrilled at the thought of being pulled away from his work, but a week out of the bedroom is too damn long to chance something like this.

Steve turns around with a smile as they embrace briefly, sharing a chaste kiss and then Tony takes a seat at the table. He senses some tension – or maybe not tension, just some polluted air – between Bucky and Steve. He doesn't know why the hell these two are complicating things because Tony believes they should just roll with this and see where it goes. They can just fuck and hang out and watch movies. No big deal.

As Steve and Bucky sit down and take-out containers are passed around the table Steve looks up at his husband hesitantly, "We need to talk about last night."

Tony shrugs, taking a bite of his general chicken, "What's there to talk about?"

Bucky nor Steve can answer the question and they both sit there, unsure of how to reply. There's nothing to talk about; they had a threesome and apparently all parties involved enjoyed it. Tony rolls his eyes dramatically, making an accusing gesture with his fork between Buck and Steve.

"No, you two need to talk."

"Tony—"

"Actually, there's nothing to talk about. Steve, cupcake, you already know how I feel. If you want Jamie to stick around for a while, fine. It's fine, the whole thing is fine. Jesus Christ, we're all adults here."

Bucky smiles faintly at Tony's term of endearment, glancing over at him and then at Steve. Watching them bicker is actually kind of amusing.

"That's that, then," Steve mutters.

Bucky just smiles and Tony nods. That went well.

After dinner Steve ventures into the living room, to-go cartons disposed of in the trash and the kitchen clean once more, and flips on the TV.

"Tony!" he calls excitedly, remote in his hand. "Come here."

Still, Tony sits down at one end of the couch and Bucky is at the other end. Steve settles between them, head in Tony's lap and feet in Bucky's, content just to lay with them. Steve is unaware that he's the only one actually watching the movie; Bucky and Tony are just here out of convenience.

For the rest of the night they lounge on the couch in varying positions but by the time Steve is asleep Tony and Bucky are next to each other with Steve's long, heavy legs stretched across both of their laps. With the television still on Bucky slowly turns to look at Tony. He'd been thinking about something Steve said last night but he didn't think it'd be okay to ask Tony about it with Steve in the room. He couldn't get it out of his mind and he'd be ashamed to admit that he got off to the thought of it in the shower. Now that Steve's asleep, Bucky figures it's a good time to ask about it.

Tony eventually looks over, breaking his eyes from the TV screen, "What?"

"It's just last night when we were—you said… or, Steve said—can he really take the whole thing?" Bucky manages to ask, gesturing to Tony's hand where it rests on Steve's thigh.

"Oh," Tony nods, lips pursed. "Oh, yeah."

"Can you—maybe next time—if there's a next time, could you show me?"

Tony shrugs. "Yeah, sure."

"If it's okay with Steve, I mean."

"Oh, it's okay," Tony chuckles, "It'd definitely be okay, he eats it up. Hey, I could even teach you how to do it if you want."

Bucky's face lights up in a demure smile.


	3. Chapter 3

It's their third week together when Bucky finally asks again. Tony had come back into town the night before and they agreed to have a night of reunion sex but Bucky had other ideas. He suggested that Tony teach him how to pleasure Steve the best possible way that Tony knows how. Steve agreed, commenting that it had been a while since they'd done it, and so they're here now, naked and ready.

As they're here now Steve enjoys every warm kiss that brushes against his legs and knees, moaning softly every time Tony's and Bucky's lips connect with his skin. He groans, throwing an arm over his face when Tony pushes his knees apart.

Bucky settles down between them and breathes out slowly. He feels a reassuring hand on his shoulder and lips at the back of his neck.

"You're sure about this?" Tony murmurs, lips catching Bucky's earlobe between his teeth.

"Yeah, I just—" He pauses to look down at Steve's smooth ass, pink and pretty and ready. "Fuck."

With a low chuckle Tony reaches for the lube on the nightstand, popping the lid. "Hold this," Tony murmurs, shoving the lube into Bucky's hand before reaching for the small brown bottle on the nightstand. He unscrews the lid, inhaling the amyl nitrite deeply. He shakes his head with a groan, offering the bottle to Bucky.

"Here, it'll help you relax. Just inhale, there you go. Feel good yet?" Bucky simply laughs and Tony closes the bottle, slapping Bucky's hip lightly. "Slick 'em up."

With a deep breath Bucky squirts a generous amount of J-Lube onto his fingers and Tony takes the bottle.

"Ready?" Tony asks, receiving a soft hum from Steve in compliance.

"Start with two," the older man says softly, reaching out to guide Bucky's fingers into the right angle and sliding them in. It feels weird for him at first, Steve's ass tight and slick and warm around his fingers. It's definitely not the same thing as fingering a woman.

"He can take more but I always start with two," Tony explains.

"No you don't," Steve objects.

"Shut up or you won't get anything. I'll take Bucky and leave you here to fuck yourself."

"Fuck," Bucky mutters, wiggling his fingers slightly.

Tony leans over to suck at Steve's nipples teasingly before pulling back.

"Are you good?" Bucky asks hesitantly, looking up at Steve, "Can I—?"

"I'm good, yes."

With a short nod Bucky slips a third finger past the thick ring of Steve's ass, earning a faint squishing sound and it's almost too much. Fucking is one thing but this. This is so new and intimate and the fact that Tony is teaching him makes it even worse.

"You're sure you're okay to do this?" Tony asks, "You don't have to. I'll finish."

"No, no, I- it's fine."

"Here, take this."

Tony reaches for the small brown bottle, opening it and offering it to Bucky who takes another deep breath. It takes the edge off even more so than the first time and it's a little easier to look at the way Steve's ass strains against his fingers.

Tony grabs the bottle of J-Lube, slicking his own fingers up and slipping 2 alongside Bucky's 3.

"Oh," Steve moans, his fingers wrapping in the sheets.

"Holy shit," Bucky gasps. "How?"

"Practice," Tony says with a wink.

Tony thrusts his fingers in with shallow motions and bats Bucky's hand away long enough to make sure Steve is loose enough to take his fist. Tony pulls back and grabs Bucky's wrist gently, positioning it and pushing it in slowly.

"Jesus," Bucky whispers, glancing back at Tony and then down at his flaccid cock. "Fuck, how are you not hard?"

Tony laughs again, the same smirk from earlier still playing at his lips.

"I'm used to it," he whispers lowly, flicking his tongue out to lick along the shell of Bucky's ear. "We'll spend hours in bed. Hours just working his ass. He's like woman; he can come over and over until he literally blacks out."

"You'll have to show me sometime."

Tony reaches down to grip his wrist, urging it deeper into Steve and Steve finally gives a whine when Bucky's knuckles brush that tiny bundle of pleasure deep inside.

"There," Steve gasps in desperation, shifting in attempt to bring the pleasure back. "Tony, please-"

"Calm down, I know where it is," Tony murmurs. Bucky snickers in amusement as he withdraws his fist and Tony's replaces it just that fast.

"I'm gonna build him up and you can finish him," Tony explains, reaching for the lube and squirting a generous amount of it onto his skin. He slicks it halfway to the forearm, sliding into Steve's gaping hole easily with a sickening squish. Bucky moves to the side and lowers his mouth onto the tip of Steve's cock, sucking briefly and flicking his tongue across the slit as clear pre-come smears across his tongue. He moans softly and he can hear Tony's fist punching into Steve relentlessly. He pulls out with a slick pop and Steve groans, rolling onto his belly and rising to his knees and elbows.

Tony grabs Bucky's forearm, pulling him over and Bucky slides his hand into Steve's slick heat, fingers curling into a tight ball as he nudges gently further and further. He angles down as Tony tells him to, thrusting his hand in tiny, quick movements as Steve's hand wraps around his own hard cock.

Bucky feels Tony's chin resting in the crook of his shoulder and he's littering teasing, soft kisses to the skin as he presses against him. Tony slides a hand around his taught belly, reaching down to grasp Bucky's cock in a grasp that's becoming more familiar with each night spent in the tower.

Tony smirks, his lips still placing kisses against Bucky's neck and shoulder. This was about Steve at first but Steve can take care of himself and it's so easy for Tony to play Bucky. He sucks at his earlobe briefly as his hand moves in quick jerks and strokes Bucky's cock.

"Look at you," Tony whispers hotly. "This was about Steve at first but you're just so fucking hard. Not that I can blame you, look at this, your fist buried so deep inside of him and he loves it. Look at that face and tell me Steve doesn't love this."

Bucky turns his head to catch Tony's mouth in a heated kiss and he moans, pushing his fist further into Steve as Tony's tongue ravages his own, their noses bent and conformed to each other's cheeks. Steve comes first, the only sign of him having done so is the way his body writhes and slides against the sheets. Tony's pace picks up on Bucky's cock, his expert calloused fingers pulling and tugging gently.

Tony pulls back, pressing a wet, open-mouthed kiss to Bucky's cheek, his hand still working quickly at his cock and Bucky's hand still buried in Steve.

"Come for me," Tony whispers, pressing kisses to his face between each question. "Come for me like you always do. Can you be a good boy for me? Be a good boy, Bucky, come on. Look at Steve, he's so good. You can be good just like him, can't you?"

With a groan Bucky spills onto Tony's hand, falling forward and bracing himself on Steve's back with his free hand.

"Fuck," he finally breathes, pulling his hand out of Steve with a sickening slurping sound. Steve falls forward onto his belly, completely spent, and Tony swipes his semen-covered hand on the sheets. He grabs Bucky by the arm, pulling him down between himself and Steve. He settles on Tony's shoulder, spent and exhausted, and idly wipes his hand on the duvet.

The three remain silent for a long while and Bucky is the first to say anything. He raises a hand, stroking his fingers along Steve's back.

"You asleep?" he whispers, receiving no response. He shifts so that he's facing Tony who sprawls onto his back in a welcoming position. He hesitates before bringing his fingers up to touch the soft blue glow of Tony's arc reactor.

"Really something, hm?" Tony mutters, his eyes closed, "Still not used to it. You'd think I would be. This big hunk of metal just sitting there, keeping me alive."

Bucky's entire palm moves to rest over the hard, incandescent surface. He doesn't tell Tony so, but he thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.


	4. Chapter 4

"Big plans today?" Tony asks softly, lips pressed against Steve's ear.

"Not really. Maybe the grocery store," Steve replies with a small smile. "You?"

"Nah." Tony slides an arm over Steve's hip, spooning against his husband comfortably. They're silent for several long moments before Tony asks, "Why'd Bucky leave?"

"Told me he had to take care of some stuff."

Tony pulls away from Steve and rolls onto his back restlessly. Steve flips over to face his husband, settling down onto Tony's chest and when Tony's fingers tangle in his hair he emits a content sigh.

"Is he coming back?" Tony asks after a long moment.

"I don't know. Why?"

"I want him to," he admits quietly. "He's fun."

Steve presses his lips to the corner of Tony's mouth before asking, "I'm not fun anymore?"

"No, it's just- I don't know. You're different, Cap. He's less reserved and we can just fool around and joke about stupid shit."

"Are you in love with him?" Steve asks hesitantly. His tone isn't one that Tony would be expecting; it's inquisitive, a little flirty and entirely curious.

"No, but… I like him. He's funny and he's like you but a lot less uptight."

Steve swings his free arm over to the nightstand, grabbing his cell phone and bringing it back to his face. He opens a text messages and as he's typing Tony is sort of amazed.

"I still can't get over the fact that you know how to text. Stop that, it's weird." Tony reaches out for the phone to grab it but Steve moves too quickly, holding it just out of Tony's reach. He sends the message to Bucky before setting his phone back on the bedside table.

"Wanna fuck around?" Tony asks after a moment of silence.

"If you want."

Tony's hands immediately fly to the waistband of Steve's pajama pants, tugging at them until they're at his ankles. He does the same with his own, tossing them to the side of the bed.

"What do you wanna do?" Steve asks softly.

"I want to choke on your cock," Tony replies without hesitance, "God, it's so fucking huge. How the hell do you- fuck." He reaches out, grabbing hold of Steve's flaccid cock and pressing wet, teasing kisses along the entire length. Steve settles back onto the pillows with a laugh and Tony dives down, taking half the length with ease. Steve steadies himself, one hand fisting the sheets on the bed and the other curling gently in Tony's hair.

" _Oh,_ " Steve chuckles, his toes curling as his dick grows in size rapidly. Blowjobs from Tony are entirely rare and it's rare that Steve is ever in a mood for one. Honestly, he prefers rimming 9 times out of 10 but he has to admit that Tony gives _exceptional_ blowjobs. They're great but Steve is also hypersensitive and Tony's tickling him with his mouth, lips strained against the head of his cock. He isn't even close to coming when he pushes Tony's head away.

"Problem?" Tony asks.

Steve simply lifts his legs, pulling them up and out, presenting his ass to Tony who grins in return.

"Oh, you want _that_?"

Tony leans forward, dragging his tongue down Steve's inner-thigh to his hole. He presses a soft kiss to the pink skin and nudges it gently with his tongue, glancing up at Steve before going to town. His expert tongue works at Steve's ass until it's glossy and sticky with saliva and Steve's thighs are covered in a faint sheen of sweat. Tony only stops when he hears Steve's phone vibrate on the night stand and he lunges for it, flailing on top of his husband.

"What the hell are you doing?" Steve asks, clearly confused.

Tony doesn't release Steve's cell phone until the reply is sent to Bucky.

_Get your ass back over here. We miss you._

Steve stares at the phone screen for a long moment and Tony mistakes this look for jealousy. He grabs the phone from Steve's firm grip and sets it aside, taking Steve's face between his hands.

"Cap, I don't want you to be jealous of anyone. If you don't want this we don't have to keep doing it."

"I do," Steve reassures him. "I want it." 

"Do you love him?"

Steve waits several moments before thinking and responding. "It's a different. type of love than mine and yours."

Tony hums and pulls Steve in for another kiss, breaking away seconds later when Steve's phone alarms. Steve snatches it from the nightstand to read the message, turning it around to show Tony.

_I'll be back tonight._

The two of them exchange a look before Tony dives down again, his eyes set on Steve's glorious ass.

* * *

Steve decided earlier in the afternoon that if Bucky were going to be staying over he should go pick up some groceries. He also has other errands to run so for now Tony is left alone in the tower and he's in the lab when Jarvis notifies him that Bucky has returned. Tony doesn't hesitate to leave his newest prototype and heads back up to the penthouse.

Bucky has already made himself comfortable on the couch when Tony walks in.

"Hey," Bucky says with an endearing half-smile. "Where's Steve?"

"The grocery store."

Bucky hums softly. "You guys missed me that much?"

Tony flops onto the couch and splays his legs over Bucky's lap and shrugs. "Yeah. I mean, it's been me and Steve alone in the tower for a while. It's nice to have a fresh face around. When you leave for a few days it's different." Tony adds a genuine smile to his explanation and closes his eyes comfortably. He feels fingers at the top of his shoes as Bucky unties the laces and drops them one after the other onto the floor.

Tony asks with a chuckle, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Drawing from the fact that you put your feet in my lap, I assumed you wanted a foot rub. Was I wrong?" Bucky asks as his skilled fingers begin to work the arches of Tony's feet.

Tony finally manages to respond, "Not… entirely." He throws an arm over his face and sighs deeply, his entire body relaxing into the plush microsuede couch.

Bucky gives each foot the same treatment, switching off every few minutes. He's been thinking about this since Steve's birthday a month ago. He's never received, he's only ever topped and with every night spent with Steve and Tony in the sheets, the more Bucky decides that he would really love to be the taker for once. "Can I ask you something?" he murmurs softly.

"What?"

"Not tonight, but the next time we fuck could I maybe _not_ -? I've only ever topped and I want something more." 

Tony lifts his arm, taken entirely by surprised. "You want me to fuck you?"

Bucky eventually meets Tony's gaze, nodding, "Yeah."

Tony breaks into a smile, moving to straddle Bucky's lap. That never-ending smirk plays on his lips as he drapes his arms around Bucky's neck, fingers playing in his hair. Bucky hesitates before wrapping his own arms around Tony's hips, his hands sliding up under Tony's t-shirt and stroking the small of his back innocently.

"Does Steve ever top?"

Tony purses his lips, shaking his head. "Once in a while but for the most part I fuck him. He loves it."

"Any other secrets you're willing to tell me?" Bucky asks, stealing a kiss from Tony's mouth.

"Besides the fact that I may be a little bit of a sadist, no."

Bucky snickers in surprise, his fingers dipping into the waistband of Tony's jeans playfully before asking, "Oh yeah? I wouldn't mind being roughed up a little."

"Good," Tony grins. "Because Steve doesn't really like it. I guess because of the shit he went through as a little guy."

Bucky nods, understanding completely. "He got pretty fucked up."

Tony smiles appreciatively, bringing a hand to Bucky's mouth to trace the corner of his lips.

"I thoroughly enjoy the way you talk, Barnes. So raw and unreserved."

Tony pulls away and resumes his previous position on his back. He wriggles his feet in anticipation and Bucky's skilled fingers begin to massage them once more.

"This is so fucking domestic," Bucky murmurs, glancing over at Tony. He decides that maybe a little bit of domesticity isn't so bad.

"Got any kinks?" Tony asks and it's clear that he's been completely distracted for the last several moments.

"Not that I know of, but I guess we'll find out,"


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky pushes himself off the couch and wanders to the kitchen, heading for the toaster. Shortly after popping the bread in he hears Tony's footsteps and glances over his shoulder. Tony purposely makes a detour around to the toaster, landing a playful slap on Bucky's ass.

"Hey, babycakes."

Bucky chuckles with an uncontrollable smile, "Hey, Tony."

Tony heads for the coffee maker and hops onto the counter, swinging his feet and impatiently waiting for his drink to finish brewing. He watches as Bucky spreads peanut butter across his toast and admires the way he licks the knife before tossing it in the sink.

He takes a bite of his toast, relaxing back against the counter and looking over at Tony. Tony raises his eyebrows and motions to Bucky silently. He obeys, crossing the kitchen and standing between Tony's legs. They lean in for a gentle kiss and Tony can taste the peanut butter on his lips.

"Steve on his run?" Tony guesses.

"In the gym," Bucky responds softly. With a kiss to Tony's cheek he pulls away and goes back into the living room where he makes himself comfortable on the couch. Tony figures that he can go down to the lab later but for now he can keep Bucky company, at least until Steve comes back.

Even with a cup of coffee Tony can't stay awake through the morning news. He dozes off somewhere between the sports and the weather. He wakes to a heavy weight on his chest. He's sure it isn't Steve because Steve is a lot heavier than that. Tony opens his eyes and groans, pushing at Bucky's shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demands to know.

"I was trying to go back to sleep," Bucky grumbles, glaring up at Tony.

"Get off me. No, not really, I'm just kidding." Tony sighs, wrapping his arms around Bucky and holding him in place. With a grin he brings a hand to Bucky's cheek, running his fingers along his smooth jaw and to the dimple in his chin. "Don't ever shave again."

Bucky sits up with a smile, straddling Tony and splaying his hands on Tony's chest.

"You free today?" he asks, receiving a nod. "How about Steve?"

"You'll have to ask him," Tony answers.

Just then the elevator dings and Steve, sweat drenched and shirtless, steps on the floor.

"Okay, what the hell?" Bucky laughs, turning his head in Steve's direction. "Do you have some sort of ability to show up at the exact moment we're talking about you?"

Steve shrugs with a smile. "Maybe. I'm not sure. You two seem to be… enjoying yourselves."

"Waiting for you, sweetcheeks," Tony grins.

Bucky moves to the side of the couch, lying down opposite of Tony and resting his legs comfortably on top of the shorter man.

"You got plans for the day?" Bucky asks curiously, eyebrows raised.

Steve thinks for a moment before shaking his head. "Not that I know of."

"Good. Meet us in the bedroom in ten." Bucky motions for Tony to follow and he does so even though he protests. Steve trails behind them, lips curled in a smirk as he listens to the other two.

"Actually I had some things I needed to go over in the lab. I thought maybe you two could spend some time together watching movies and cuddling or whatever it is that you do."

"Uh, no." Bucky throws a smile over his shoulder at both Tony. "I have other plans. You know what you and I talked about?"

"What?" Steve interjects, suddenly completely lost.

"Nothing," Tony smirks, "Just go take a shower and meet us in the bedroom."

The two of them beat Steve to the bedroom and close the door, leaving Steve to shower off in the other bathroom. Bucky emits a shaky breath before looking directly at Tony.

"You're sure you want this?"

"I'm sure," Bucky nods, "Oh, hey, has Steve done any laundry lately? I'm missing like four pairs of boxers and I'm running out. I mean, if you have some kink for stealing my underwear then that's cool; not judging, I just need to know."

"They're in your drawer," Tony replies, somewhat confused.

"I have a drawer?" Bucky is clearly confused and his eyes flicker across the room to the dresser next to the closet door. He looks back to Tony for an explanation.

"I mean at this point you might as well move in, right? No sense in you paying rent for a place you never spend the night at." Tony can't meet Bucky's eyes because his sentiment is showing again but in all honesty, he really hopes Bucky says yes. That way when either Tony or Steve are sent on missions or trips, the person left at home wouldn't be lonely. Plus they all get along really well and the chemistry between them is undeniable.

"Are you being serious? Do you guys want me to move in with you?"

Tony shrugs one shoulder as his mouth twitches. "It's totally up to you."

"Is that what you're asking me?"

Tony finally dares to look up with a half-smile, "Yeah."

Bucky crosses the room, bringing Tony into a hug. Tony takes that as a 'yes.' Bucky pulls back just the slightest to catch Tony's lips in a gentle, heartfelt kiss and rests their foreheads together. His hands slip down to Tony's lower back, squeezing the fabric of Tony's t-shirt as his lips attacking Tony's jaw and trailing down to his neck frantically, pausing only to suck lightly at his skin

"Oh," Tony breathes, surprised. He tilts his head back, running his fingers through Bucky's tousled hair and slowly walking them back to the bed. Tony's knees hit and he falls back, bringing Bucky on top of him.

Bucky sits up with a sigh, legs on either side of Tony's body. "Tony, I- I don't want this to be slow and sweet. I just want you to fuck me, okay? Maybe later we'll work on making love or whatever. I just want you to fuck me and I can finger Steve or do whatever the hell he wants. I just… I really want you inside me. Like, right now."

"I can tell," Tony quips, reaching out to teasingly rub at the hardened length in Bucky's sweatpants. He pushes lightly at Bucky's hips and he slides to the side, pulling his t-shirt over his head. He slips his pants down, rising up enough to pull them off and drop them off the side of the bed as Tony does the same.

Steve walks through the door minutes later, naked and gorgeous and hard.

"Didn't waste any time, huh?" Steve chuckles, crossing the room and climbing onto the bed. He settles down onto his back next to his husband, smiling up at Bucky.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Tony's gonna fuck me and you're gonna shove your cock down my throat. I mean, if you're okay with that."

"I… yes, that's fine," Steve smiles, leaning up and capturing Bucky's mouth with own.

Tony rolls over, snatching the bottle of lube that never leaves the nightstand long enough to be put in the proper drawer.

"Hands and knees," Tony instructs, slapping Bucky's hip.

"So demanding," Bucky chuckles, obeying nonetheless. He realizes that he's shaking a little, from excitement than nervousness. He lifts his ass higher, propping up on one arm and reaching down to stroke his dick lightly with his free hand.

Tony slicks his two fingers, tossing the bottle aside and leaning down to press a kiss to the small of Bucky's back.

"Tell me if you feel any pain."

"If you do it right it shouldn't hurt at all."

"I know that."

"Just fuck me, Tony. Don't hold back and don't be gentle. I want to feel it."

Tony chuckles at that, a rumbling laugh low in his throat. He complies, slipping one finger in. Bucky doesn't even react because he's too busy leaning down and taking the base of Steve's dick into his hand. He dives down, teasing just the head for a moment and pressing his tongue into Steve's slick.

Steve moans and slides his left hand up to pinch a nipple, the fingers on his right hand curling into Bucky's dark hair. He assumes that Bucky isn't nearly as good at this as Tony and he surely can't swallow the whole thing like Tony can. It takes all of Steve's self-control not to thrust into Bucky's mouth. Instead he settles back, willing himself not to look at the sight before him, and breathes in steady breaths.

Behind Bucky Tony is still working his fingers in Bucky's ass, rubbing gentle circles on the small of his back with his free hand. Bucky said he wants it rough but something deep inside of Tony's subconscious won't allow him to get into that mindset just yet. He has to assure that Bucky is comfortable so the experience can be enjoyable for all of them.

Bucky pulls up from Steve's head, running his tongue along the length of his cock and slapping it against his hollowed cheek. He glances back at Tony momentarily.

"I think I'm comfortable, you can go ahead."

"You're sure?" Tony asks, reaching down for the lube and popping the lid. Bucky nods, turning his attention back to Steve and leans up to suck at Steve's belly, dick in hand.

Tony positions himself between Bucky's legs and slowly pushes in. He pauses, the head of his cock straining against Bucky's ass, and bites his lip. This is the first time he's fucked anyone other than Steve in 4 years and it's a little overwhelming. He starts with slow thrusts and Bucky pauses, popping Steve's cock out of his mouth only to demand 'harder'.

Bucky turns his attention back to Steve who's already losing himself. He expels a guttural moan when Bucky takes his dick as far as it'll go. It's not quite into Bucky's throat but with a little practice they could eventually get to that point.

Steve moves so that he's propped up on one muscular arm, his other hand tangled in Bucky's hair. His head is dropped back and then he feels Bucky's fingers squeezing his thighs. Steve is so hypersensitive that it doesn't take much more than Bucky's hollowed cheeks and the bobbing movement of his head for Steve to come. When he does he emits a low moan, whispering Bucky's name frantically and bucking into his throat. Bucky pulls back with a harsh cough, his gut wrenching, but thankfully nothing comes up. Steve sits up fully now, concerned.

"Bucky, I'm sorry, I-I get a little carried away sometimes."

Bucky rises to his hands, beckoning Steve closer and when Steve obeys he pulls him into a deep, sensual kiss. The only sound in the room is Tony's grunts and the sound of Tony's thighs slapping against the back of Bucky's. Steve pulls away, nibbling on Bucky's earlobe only for a moment.

"Do you wanna come again?" Bucky asks.

Steve shakes his head after glancing back at Tony, "No, it's okay." He presses a gentle kiss to Bucky's sticky forehead, climbs off the bed and heads for the bathroom again, most likely to wipe the semen off his belly. Tony and Bucky are left along and Bucky goes down on one elbow as his other hand reaches under his body to stroke his cock. He decides to have some fun with Tony and smirks against the sheets.

"God, Tony, you're good at this. I love the way you make me moan. Your cock feels so fucking huge inside of me. Love you like this, so hard for me. Fuck me hard, so hard I won't be able to walk. I wanna feel your balls slap my ass every time you pound into me. Spank me, hit me, make me come."

Tony groans, laying a harsh slap on the side of Steve's ass, thrusting into him wildly and Bucky lets out a shaky laugh, stroking and pumping himself to climax. He meets Tony's thrusts with his hips rocking back and forth and comes with a shout.

"Oh Tony, oh fuck!" he cries, eyes clinched shut. He feels Tony's thrusts growing rapid and uneven, unsteady, and then Tony's calloused fingers are gripping at his hips and the pushes in one last time. Bucky can feel Tony, can feel his ass throbbing around Tony's dick and Tony doesn't pull out until every drop of semen is settled inside of Bucky.

He pulls out and turns around, falling onto his back and panting heavily. He gives Bucky a half-smile, reaching out to stroke his cheek. Bucky smiles back, lightly biting at his bottom lip in return. Minutes later when Steve comes out of the bathroom, he isn't surprised to find both of them asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky moves into the tower on a Tuesday. Tuesdays are always the same. Tony locks himself away in the lab all day and Steve is only home in the afternoon. So for the first part of the day Bucky unpacks his things. He doesn't have much - mostly clothes and personal mementos. He fills the drawers Steve has cleared out for him and there's another toothbrush in the holder now. Bucky orders a pizza for lunch which he consumes entirely by himself and waits impatiently for Steve to walk through the door. When Steve does, Bucky's face lights up.

"Hey!" he grins, hopping off the couch.

Steve's mouth spreads into a smile involuntarily because Bucky is such a contrast to Tony. Tony is happy to see Steve when he gets home, but Tony isn't always tripping over himself to welcome him. He meets Bucky in the middle, hugging him tight.

"You all moved in, jerk?"

Bucky replies with a smack on the seat of Steve's khakis. "As a matter of fact, I am. We might wanna go see if Tony's alive. Haven't heard from him and I didn't see him for coffee this morning." He frowns. "We usually have coffee together."

Steve lifts his lips to Bucky's forehead in a reassuring kiss. "He's fine, Buck."

Bucky's lips curl into a sly grin and he presses his mouth to Steve's, bringing their bodies together. His arms wrap around Steve's waist to hold him close, just the way he used to do years and years ago, only this time Steve is a lot taller. Steve breaks the kiss, bringing a hand up to run his fingers through Bucky's hair, noticing the devious smile on his lips for the first time.

"What are you planning, Barnes?"

"I wasn't actually _planning_ anything. I was gonna go with spontaneity but…" Bucky trailed off, leaning in to press wet kisses along the strong line of Steve's jaw, nipping in between. In return, he tangled a finger in the chain around Bucky's neck, bringing him closer. Steve emits a breathy chuckle, each touch of Bucky's lips to his skin shocking like an electrifying touch.

"Why are you teasing me?" the blond asks with a smile, the stubble on Bucky's cheek scratching Steve's chin.

"I'm not teasing you, punk. This is the pre-show." He grabs Steve by the hand, tugging him to their bedroom and through to the bathroom. Steve gives little resistance when Bucky starts the shower. He strips down to his bare skin, stepping past the glass walls of the shower as Bucky does the same.

"You bring lube?" Steve asks shyly.

"Lube," Bucky laughs, shaking his head. "I don't need lube."

"Why not?"

Bucky grips Steve by the forearms, walking him back into the stream of warm water. "Because I'm gonna eat your ass like it's fucking _dinner_."

Steve moans at just the thought and steps back against the wall, speechless. Bucky chuckles low in his throat and motions for Steve to spin around. Steve is hesitant so Bucky reaches out, gripping Steve's shoulder and turning him in a half circle.

"There," Bucky grins, kissing Steve's shoulder. He scrapes his teeth along the skin on the way down, falling to his knees with his hands on either side of Steve's ass.

"Fuck," Bucky whispers because _wow_ , Steve is gorgeous. That's something Bucky already knows but when he's here, Steve's ass level with his face, it's painfully obvious. Steve feels hot breath on his ass and his palms are flat on the wall, waiting. He's taken by surprise when Bucky drags his tongue down the small of Steve's back and between his cheeks, probing his entrance playfully. Steve gasps with his forehead pressed against the tile. Bucky groans, leaning forward and lapping at Steve's pink, ready hole.

Steve moans softly, moving one hand from the wall to trail over his body. He pauses at a nipple, pinching and rolling it between his fingers as the hot water pounds against his skin. He's moaning constantly whether it's a full-on shameless, continuous moan or just grunts here and there, he isn't sure. All he knows is that Bucky's mouth is always so _good_ to him.

Bucky pulls back, prying Steve open with two fingers on either side and spitting into him, propping his tongue inside just for a second before pulling back. He's grinning when he brings his palm down against Steve's slick cheek.

"Bucky!" Steve shrieks because he wasn't exactly expecting _that._ Bucky laughs, spanking Steve again, and Steve shifts slightly.

"Oh my god," Bucky says, chuckling. "You love this." He leans forward, biting down on Steve's ass cheek and slapping the other one again.

"Stop it!" Steve hisses.

Bucky slaps his ass twice more and then nudges Steve's legs. Steve obeys, spreading his feet further apart and Bucky pushes his thumb in, playfully stroking Steve's perineum with his index finger. He leans forward, sinking his teeth into the flesh of Steve's glorious ass.

Steve whimpers, trailing a hand down his slick torso to his cock, wrapping his fingers around it and tugging hard. He whines at the contact and feels Bucky's lips lock on his skin, sucking a bruise on his cheek. It won't last for long, a couple of hours and then it will fade, but _still_. The mental image drives Steve crazy and his eyelids flutter closed, thrusting back onto Bucky's fingers shamelessly.

Neither of them are sure how long it takes Steve to get worked up but when he comes, he does so with a loud cry, forehead against the tile and his feet sliding on the tile floor dangerously. Bucky grabs Steve by the hips, steading him and hushing him soothingly, rubbing Steve's reddened ass cheeks. Once Steve is recovered he turns around and pulls Bucky to his feet and Bucky is _beaming_.

"You like to be spanked," he smirks. "Does Tony know?"

"Tony knows," Steve nods, averting his eyes.

"Are you- you're _blushing_ ," Bucky chuckles. "I'm gonna buy you a whip. You into that shit?"

"I don't know," Steve answers truthfully with a shrug.

"We'll see," he laughs again, grabbing Steve by the neck and forcing him onto his knees. He cups the back of Steve's head as Steve lunges forward, wasting no time in taking Bucky's cock into his mouth. He sucks teasingly at the hand, wrapping his hand around the base, and then runs his tongue along the thick vein that twists around the shaft.

"So hard," Steve mutters, pressing a teasing kiss to the head. He takes the entire length with little effort, dropping his jaw and moaning. He bobs his head lightly before pulling back and sucking at Bucky's balls teasingly. He feels Bucky's fingers tangle in his hair and pull and Steve _whines_ at that. He spits into his palm, pumping Bucky's cock.

Bucky takes Steve's head, shoving him impossibly further onto his hard dick, fucking Steve's face relentlessly, his head hitting the back of Steve's mouth with each thrust. Steve whines deliberately as he feels a thick string of saliva dripping from the side of his mouth. Bucky's balls are flush with Steve's chin and Steve can't really breathe and Bucky is losing control and Steve just _lets him._

"Fuck, that's good," Bucky pants. "Always so good at that. Gonna come all over your damn face."

Steve lets the dick fall from his mouth with a wet pop, sliding his tongue in the slit one last time. Bucky's hand wraps around his own shaft, pumping it veraciously until he feels his muscles contract. He comes with a throaty whine, shooting thick ropes of semen across Steve's gorgeous porcelain skin.

Steve's tongue darts out to lick at what it can reach and he stands to his feet, stepping under the water to wash the remainder of it off.

"C'mere, soldier," Bucky mutters, wrapping his arms around Steve's waist and pulling him close. He presses a kiss to Steve's wet cheek, smiling against his searing skin as the water pours over them.

"I love you," Bucky whispers.

Steve has heard it before in a different context but now that they're here, just the two of them, skin on skin, Steve knows Bucky means it.

And, "I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M FINALLY BACK. I know this chapter was shorter than most of them but that's only because I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing again. Lemme know how I did with this new chapter? Thanks for reading! :)


	7. Chapter 7

Bucky knows that Tony doesn't like him down in the lab but Steve is out grocery shopping for the second time this week and Bucky's tired of watching TV alone upstairs. He figures he should being a peace offering of some sort in case Tony is in a mood, so he brews a cup of strong coffee with Tony's version of a Keurig and heads downstairs.

Bucky doesn't even try to sneak in or be quiet when he reaches the lab. He enters the code and slips through the door with a steaming coffee cup in his hand and a smile on his face. It's not even a smile, just the slight upturn of his lips that never seems to go away. He finds Tony sitting in his spinning chair and slides the mug of coffee onto the desk, pressing a kiss to Tony's hair.

"Mm, hey," Tony murmurs distractedly. He glances at the coffee mug and gives Bucky a grunt of approval. He grabs the mug and takes a sip, spinning around to look at Bucky.

"What're you doing?" Bucky asks curiously, squinting at the screens that never seem to make sense.

"Stuff," comes Tony's reply and Bucky smirks because they've had the discussion about the screens before and if Tony explains it Bucky won't understand anyway. "You need something?"

"No. Just bored, thought I'd come see what you're up to."

Abruptly and without much thought Tony reaches out and takes Bucky by the wrist, pulling him forward. He catches Bucky off guard and the younger man stumbles forward, sliding Tony's chair on its wheels. Tony utters an 'oh shit' before the chair slips out from under him and he and Bucky tumble to the ground. The two of them land in a pile of limbs and the wheels of the chair jab Bucky in the leg, surely leaving a bruise

At first Bucky is pissed because Tony caught him off guard. But then Tony looks at him and he's doing that thing, making that face, the one that Steve hates, the one where Tony is trying not to laugh. His cheeks puff for a few seconds and then Tony's chuckling, kicking the chair away from their bodies.

"You asshole!" Bucky shouts and they both know that he doesn't mean it. He leans forward and lightly slaps Tony across the face, biting his lip. He isn't sure how Tony's going to react and maybe he should've asked before doing it but that would defeat the purpose and Tony is a better sport with these kinds of things than Steve is.

Tony reaches out and returns the light slap, chuckling when it wipes the smirk off Bucky's face. It's Tony's turn to smile deviously when he struggles to grab Bucky's hands, pinning them above his head and straddling his hips.

"God, we're such fucking kids," Bucky grins. He pulls at his wrists and, surprisingly, Tony's grip is rather firm. Well, firmer than Bucky expected.

Tony doesn't say much, just hums and leans down to press a tender kiss to Bucky's pouty lips. He brings a hand down from Bucky's wrists to cup his cheek and Bucky sighs deep through his nose, sliding his wrists from Tony's loosened grip. He sits up as best he can, wrapping an arm around Tony's neck and breaking the kiss. They pause just for a second in this tender moment and Tony isn't sure what to think. He cares about Bucky; he already knows that. But what Tony is becoming startlingly aware of is the fact that his feelings may be turning into something that could be defined as love.

Tony brushes his lips across Bucky's forehead before he stands up. He turns his chair to the upright position and helps Bucky to his feet. When Bucky looks into Tony's gaze his expression has changed rapidly from what it was moments ago. His brown eyes are clouded with confusion and confliction and Bucky doesn't even ask. He rubs the back of his head where it hit the hard floor of the lab and goes back upstairs.

* * *

Bucky doesn't come into the kitchen when Steve gets home with groceries. It's a thing with him and Tony, to annoy Steve and dig through every bag, sample everything and proceed to let Steve put them away by himself. But when Bucky is lying on the couch watching TV he doesn't hear Steve griping at Tony not to scatter the groceries. He _does_ hear Steve and Tony talking in hushed tones. And then the talking dies down and Steve is doing that thing, the almost-giggle laugh he does when Tony bites his neck, and the two of them disappear to the bedroom.

And Bucky shouldn't feel left out. He shouldn't feel jealous because he knows their arrangement could go awry at any moment... but he does. He doesn't know what he did wrong to have them treat him this way. And Bucky isn't one for games; he hates them and as soon as Steve and Tony are done fucking Bucky decides he's going to pull Tony aside and demand to know what the problem is.

* * *

Bucky _tries_ to drown out Steve's moans and Tony's grunts. He tries to watch TV and forget about everything but that proves impossible when he swears that he hears Steve moan something that sounds like 'daddy'. Bucky's cock is hard at the thought of Steve and Tony together and he can't stand it, he can't fucking _stand it_ anymore so he pushes himself off the couch and pads down the hallway in his sock-clad feet. The bedroom door is open a crack and he squints. Steve and Tony are in perfect view and _damn_ that's hot.

Steve is on his back, Tony between his legs, and they're both covered in a light sheen of sweat. They're moving like they're dancing and Bucky can't help it. He has to touch himself. He trails a hand down to his tented sweat pants, sliding his fingers beneath the waistband and giving his cock a firm squeeze. He hears the sound of skin slapping skin and Bucky had no idea Tony could fuck that hard.

Bucky pulls back, leaning against the wall just outside the bedroom door, sighing at his own touch as his fingers dance on his hard member. The mattress squeaks and Tony dramatically orders Steve to get on his hands and knees. And there's that sound again, the sound of skin against skin, but it's a distinct slap that gives the hint of being brought on by a hand rather than a pelvis.

"Fuck, Steve," Tony grunts breathlessly, accompanying his words with another smack.

Steve doesn't say anything - or if he does, it's too low soft Bucky to hear - but he laughs and there's a light squeak of the bedframe to signal they're changing positions. Bucky rolls on his shoulder against the wall, stealing another glimpse inside the bedroom. They're both on their knees now, Tony behind Steve, an arm around his throat and a hand over Steve's mouth. He can't hear exactly what Tony's saying but judging by the expression on Steve's face it's probably one of the filthiest things he's ever heard.

Bucky feels himself getting close. The muscles in how lower abdomen tighten and he reaches up with a free hand to pinch a nipple through his thin t-shirt. He lifts the same hand and positions it in front of his mouth, biting down as his orgasm washes over him. The sounds coming from the bedroom are too great for Tony and Steve to hear the little squeaks that escape Bucky's mouth when he spills onto his hand. He stays there momentarily, only slightly breathless from climaxing, and steals one last glimpse inside the bedroom before sneaking to the bathroom down the hall.

* * *

By the time Steve and Tony finish, Bucky has turned off the TV and he's lying on the sofa, trying to drift to sleep when he hears Steve's voice.

"You awake?"

Bucky sits up with an involuntary scowl set on his face, blinking, "Um."

"I got some news today," he murmurs softly.

"News?" Bucky retorts, searching for a readable expression in Steve's eyes. But he can't find one so he sits, patiently, trying to forget about the scene in the bedroom earlier.

"Fury's sending me on a mission. I'll be gone for the week."

"A week?" Bucky retorts. His voice cracks and he's trying _not_ to freak out. "When do you leave?"

"Tonight."

"Where-"

"Can't say. I have my bag together and I'm about to head out. Just thought you should hear it from me."

Bucky doesn't say anything, just throws his arms around Steve's neck tightly. He presses a kiss to the side of Steve's neck, ruffling his hair between his fingers. "Be safe," Bucky murmurs.

Steve pulls back and brushes their lips together once, and then twice more. "I will. Take care of Tony."

Bucky nods, "Sure, Cap."

Steve leaves through the door and Bucky is alone again. That is, until Tony calls him to the bedroom and Bucky doesn't even have time to think about what he's doing by the time he's on his feet and moving. Tony is lying in bed, freshly showered, and there's a sort of sadness to his presence.

"C'mere," Tony murmurs. Bucky complies, sliding into Steve's side of the bed and Tony does something neither of them expects. He pulls Bucky into his arms and Bucky finds it to be the most comforting thing ever. He presses his nose into Tony's neck and closes his eyes, breathing in the scent of Tony's skin as he feels Tony's fingertips tracing circles into the skin of his back.

"Does this ever scare you?" Bucky mumbles against Tony's throat.

"Hm?"

"Steve leaving. Going on missions... the very realistic thought that he may not come back."

Tony nods. "Fuck yeah, it does." They're silent for a long while. It could be minutes or hours, but what Tony says next catches them both off guard. "But if there comes a time that Steve... _doesn't_ come back, at least I have someone here to go through that with me."


	8. Chapter 8

Steve is gone for longer than the initial week he's supposed to be gone for. It's probably for the best because the tower is a wreck with to-go containers scattered about and a mountain of laundry in the bathroom. It's okay, though, because as soon as Tony gets the call that Steve's on his way home Tony will call a maid service and Steve won't know any better.

Presently Tony and Bucky are in the bedroom. Bucky is unashamedly on his knees, a string of saliva connecting his pouting lips to the head of Tony's cock.

"You're sure you want this?" Tony asks, his blunt fingernails clawing at the back of Bucky's head.

"I said I wanted you to fuck me up," he retorts, flicking his tongue over his lips and looking up at Tony with such ridiculous innocence. "I want it hard. I mean hard. Sure you're up for it, Stark? My standards are extremely high." He hums, lapping at the sensitive head of Tony's dick.

Tony smirks. "I'll try my best. And by 'try my best' I mean I'll fucking succeed as I always do."

"Except for this morning when you busted through the wall."

Tony rolls his eyes. "Remind me to get that fixed tomorrow." He reaches down, grabbing Bucky's wrist and pulling him to his feet. Tony spins Barnes on his heel, pushing him to the edge of the bed. "You're sure?"

Bucky nods. "I mean, I've always… yeah."

"Shouldn't we talk about it first? Discuss boundaries and shit? Safe words?"

Bucky groans. "Can't you just fucking go with it? I know you didn't marry Rogers with the intention of having vanilla sex for the next forty years. Can't you just- I don't know, let go?"

Tony wets his lips, lying back with his head against the pillows. He stares at Bucky for good while, admiring the curve of his shoulders, the tightness of his belly and the strong line of his jaw. He's no Steve but Bucky can hold his own.

"I don't feel comfortable fucking you up without a safeword," Tony admits.

"Fine," Bucky sighs. "Uh… red? Red means stop, right? Red."

"Red," Tony repeats nodding.

Bucky gracefully climbs up to straddle Tony, setting back with Tony's cock resting teasingly between his ass cheeks. He rolls his hips twice and admires Tony's facial expression as he does so. Tony emits a quiet groan, reaching out to put his hands on Bucky's hips. Tony sort of likes that Bucky is smaller than Steve. Bucky is shorter and less muscular and just small. Part of Tony likes that when he touches Bucky it feels differently than when he touches Steve.

Bucky rocks his hips again before leaning forward on his hands, hovering over the older man beneath him, and he steals a kiss from his lips. Bucky likes it when Tony doesn't shave for a couple of days. He loves the rough contrast of Tony's face as opposed to Steve's smooth one. He likes the difference.

"Can we talk about what I want?" Bucky inquires with a hint of a smile.

"Probably should," Tony nods.

"I like choking and slapping. Don't tap my face, slap it. Slap it like I'm a worthless piece of shit."

"You mean you're not?" Tony quips childishly, cocking his head.

Bucky pauses as he feels Tony's right hand leave his hip and wrap around his dick, stroking and tugging it to attention. He sighs now, sitting back against Tony's thighs once more as his own cock is stroked. "Have you ever dominated someone before?"

"Once or twice," Tony shrugs.

"Do you and Steve ever fuck hard? I mean, y'know… forcefully? Just be forceful. Slap me, hit me and choke me."

Tony hums, nodding and Bucky leans down again, wrapping his own hand around Tony's cock and pressing a wet kiss the side of Tony's neck. He loves this. He loves how different it feels to kiss Tony's neck as opposed to Steve's. Tony's neck isn't nearly as smooth. The skin is rough and textured with age and the stubble is enough to exfoliate Bucky's lips with prolonged kissing. But Bucky wouldn't have it any other way.

"I wanna feel it in my ribs," he purrs, tracing his tongue along the shell of Tony's ear. He presses the pad of his thumb under the head of Tony's cock and that earns him a moan. Bucky huffs in amusement, pressing a kiss to Tony's cheek. "Kiss my neck. Bite me. Pull my hair. Hold me down. Use your tongue. Make me moan and don't stop until I'm fucking shaking."

"If I do this for you," Tony begins, running his fingers through Bucky's hair and tugging lightly at the roots. "You've gotta do something for me."

"What?"

Tony pushes Bucky to the side leaves the bed long enough to grab something out of the bathroom cabinet. He tosses the item – a small bundle of material – onto the bed. As soon as Bucky snatches it and realizes what it is, he chuckles.

"You want me to wear these?" he asks in slight disbelief, staring at the sheer black ass-less stockings. Tony gives him the look that consists of raised eyebrows and upturned lips. Bucky - somewhat self-consciously – examines the nylons for a moment before pulling them on with some difficulty. He glances up at Tony, who appears to be absolutely delighted, and smiles a little. Suddenly he doesn't feel so ridiculous. It actually feels goodbecause his hard cock is constrained against his belly by the black material.

"Steve won't… there's only so much that he'll put up with," Tony states.

"It's fine, Tony," Bucky reassures him. "It's alright. It's-" Bucky glances down at the sheer black material covering his legs. "I've gotta admit it's kinda hot." He stands up and steps in front of the full length mirror, glancing over his shoulder at his ass. Bucky's entire body burns with embarrassment and he holds back a sigh. He's too busy staring at the somewhat startling image in the mirror to notice that Tony approaches him. Tony's calloused hands settle at Bucky's hips first and then shake around to stroke his taut belly possessively.

His lips ghost across Bucky's jaw as he speaks. "You gonna be a good boy for me?"

It's ridiculous how turned on Bucky is by that. It's cheesy and cliché but that's Tony; full of clichés and corny one-liners.

Bucky's got a few of those too so he fires back with "Maybe. It depends. You want me to be a good boy? Or d'you want me to be bad?"

The head of Tony's stiff cock brushes against the back of Bucky's thigh and he takes a small step back, earning a groan from Tony as it creates friction. Tony's practically hugging Bucky from behind, guiding him to the bed. Bucky goes compliantly and allows Tony to position his body however he wants.

"Hands and knees. Yeah, perfect." Tony chews his lip, reaching out to set his hands on either side of Bucky's ass. It's beautiful and smooth but not like Steve's. Steve's ass is toned while Bucky's is sort of just there.

"You have a twink ass," Tony observes, leaning down to press a kiss to the small of Bucky's back. His lips linger longer than necessary and the gesture fills Bucky with an unusual feeling of warmth because that was more of a Steve gesture than a Tony gesture. Bucky downplays it to something Tony picked up from Steve and doesn't take it to mean anything more than what it is.

"Fuck you, you pervert," Bucky replies and he's glad that he isn't facing Tony because he has to hide a smile.

"Hey! It's not a bad thing. I like it," Tony replies on the defensive, bringing his palm down on Bucky's right ass cheek. He earns a groan and chuckles. "You've got a nice ass, babycakes; take that as a compliment."

Bucky yet again tells himself that Tony's pet names don't mean anything. Tony calls everyone by things other than their proper names, so he ignores it and presses his ass back against the palms of Tony's hands.

"Mm, greedy," Tony chuckles. "Want my mouth on you?"

Bucky nods, licking his lips and answering with a desperate 'please' because Tony's mouth and tongue are fantastic.

"Lick me raw."

Tony snickers and leans forward, running his tongue down between Bucky's cheeks, rejoicing in the moan that Bucky emits. His lips press wet kisses to the puckered hole, flicking the tip of his tongue over it teasingly.

"Oh m-" Bucky starts, but then Tony's mouth is on him again and it's all he can to do moan. Tony's hands massage Bucky's ass through the black nylons, slipping around his thighs to rub at Bucky's hard cock.

"What do you want?" he asks, pulling away moments later, and tugs Bucky to his feet. "My mouth? Toys? Fingers? Cock? You want me to fuck you right now or should you beg for it?" he purrs.

Bucky grunts softly as Tony threads his fingers through his hair, pulling at the roots and tilting his head back. His stomach is in knots; he's so entirely aroused that he doesn't trust his voice. Tony is waiting, though, so Bucky swallows the lump in his throat and replies thickly, "Whatever you feel like doing to me. I'm yours; use me however you want."

Tony smirks and moves to kiss the junction between Bucky's neck and shoulder. His kisses are lingering, slow and wet. He definitely isn't expecting Tony to sink his teeth into the flesh hard enough to bruise. Bucky gasps as his safeword bubbles in his throat but he grits his teeth, choking it back down.

"Should I tie you up? Cuff you?" Tony coos.

Bucky whimpers and spreads his legs expectantly, glancing over his shoulder at Tony. "Do it if you're gonna do it," he huffs.

Tony shrugs, pursing his lips and going to the closet momentarily. He comes back with a pair of handcuffs that don't look like anything other than ordinary handcuffs. As Tony slaps them on his wrists Bucky examines them, and it's as if Tony can read his mind.

"I made these for Steve. You're not going anywhere," he chuckles, leaning down to kiss the corner of Bucky's mouth.

"Like I'd want to," Bucky retorts as Tony circles around and he wiggles his ass invitingly. Tony smirks and smacks his ass again, stopping to admire the small jiggle that results. He sinks to the floor on his knees so his face is level with Bucky's ass. He grips those pale, thin thighs and pulls his ass back, exposing the pink hole in the center. Tony briefly wets his index finger and presses the pad of it against the tight orifice, littering Bucky's nylon-covered thighs with wet, open-mouthed kisses.

Bucky groans a little, his shoulders bowing with the teasing contact. "Tony," he breathes.

"I know," he mutters, kissing closer and then flicking his tongue over the hole. He closes his eyes and leans in closer, resting his head against Bucky's left ass cheek, his finger still probing the hole as his tongue licks around with expertise. He spits directly between Bucky's cheeks, slipping in a second finger without much warning.

"Fuck," Bucky grunts. He isn't exactly ready for the intrusion but Tony knows that he wants it to hurt. He bows down, his forehead pressing against the mattress as the uncomfortable sting surges through his body. As compensation for the discomfort, Tony slips a hand between Bucky's spread legs to cup Bucky's constrained erection.

"Kinda quiet, aren't you?" Tony hums, sinking his teeth into the back of Bucky's thigh as his fingers spread Bucky's hole even wider.

"Not much to say," he murmurs into the sheets.

"Talk for me," Tony demands, returning to kiss Bucky's smooth cheeks, suckling at the skin long enough to leave red marks that will disappear within a day or two.

Bucky chuckles breathlessly, pressing his ass back and bearing down on Tony's fingers until they're buried deep inside of his tight heat. He groans, licking his lips. "Uncuff me," he barks.

"I don't think so," Tony retorts with a snicker.

"I swear if you don't I'll-"

"Okay, okay," Tony breaks in, pulling his fingers out and standing to his feet. He fetches the key, popping the locks and Bucky rubs at his wrists idly before turning around. He reaches out, pushing Tony onto his back roughly.

"You want me to talk to you?" he asks, throwing a leg over Tony's thighs and sliding onto his lap. "Fine, I'll fucking talk for you. I want your cock in me, wanna sit on you, ride you. I want you to slap me, rough me up, show me who the fuck I belong to. Wanna ride your face, make you taste my ass," he spouts off, rocking his hips as his ass presses down on Tony's hard cock.

Tony smirks and reaches up, backhanding Bucky hard enough to knock him off balance. "You goddamn whore, look at you," Tony retorts, running his nails down the black stockings. He then reaches up with his right arm, hand wrapping around Bucky's neck as he pulls him down for a kiss. Tony is unrelenting, all teeth and tongue as he licks at Bucky's pouty lips. He sucks briefly on the bottom one before sinking his teeth into it hard enough to draw blood. Bucky whimpers, his hands desperately roaming Tony's chest, pinching at his nipples and doing anything to evoke the pleasuring actions Tony is holding hostage. His pleading fingers slide and ghost across Tony's arc reactor as he pants.

They're still kissing when Bucky feels Tony's calloused fingers tighten around his throat, putting pressure on his windpipe. His cock stirs in interest, throbbing from where they rest in his stockings. He doesn't even fathomusing the safeword now that he's actually getting what he fucking wants.

Tony doesn't let go until Bucky's face turns red and then he does, and Bucky coughs before reaching down and pulling his cock from the stockings. He whimpers when it won't come completely free and looks at Tony, pleading.

Tony sits up wordlessly, knocking Bucky down again and crawling backwards. He grabs the waistband of the black nylons, peeling the skintight material from Bucky's long legs. "You have nice legs," Tony observes, pressing kisses to the insides of Bucky's bony knees. "They're not exactly like Steve's," he continues, pressing towards Bucky's feet. He traces his tongue delicately around Bucky's ankle and then, startlingly, presses a kiss to the arch of his foot.

The action sends a sharp chill down Bucky's spine and he feels goose bumps spread rapidly throughout his rigid body.

"You kinky bastard," he says quietly, and Tony can tell he isn't joking. Bucky doesn't look entirely repulsed and his lips are upturned in the slightest hint of a smile.

"You like it," Tony presumes and presses another kiss in the same spot. His fingernails trail down Bucky's legs until he sees the dark pink lines rise in the pale skin. As Tony does so, Bucky's fingers dance around his own cock, pulling and twisting with the lightest touches. After five minutes of this, Bucky grows restless and pulls his leg down to the bed.

"Do you plan on actually fucking me or are you just gonna spend the rest of the night worshiping my feet?" He intends for it to come out in an irritated manner but his voice fails him and it sounds more like a teasing plea than anything else.

Tony lunges across the bed and stretches over Bucky's body to grab the bottle of lube that was kicked under the bed at some point a few nights ago. He pops the cap and settles comfortably in between Bucky's spread legs. Bucky isn't as tight as he would normally be due to Tony's earlier actions, but it still stings when Tony slips three slicked fingers into his ass. It stings and it's rough but that's okay because Bucky wants it like that. He's tired of being the one in control. He wants to be controlled, wants to be dominated, wants to be taken for all he's worth.

Bucky watches intently as Tony works his ass and he has to admit it's somewhat irritating when he notices Tony's watch is still on. It's a thing that Bucky can't explain but when he fucks he wants to do so completely naked of everything, jewelry included. He sighs but doesn't say anything because he's too wrapped up in the way Tony is making him feel. But still, he's asking for rough but he's not exactly getting it. Tony is gentle and skilled and he's been fucking Steve Rogers far too long because he can't get rough.

"Stark," Bucky says because it sounds less formal than using Tony's first name.

Tony's eyes flicker up to meet Bucky's and he nods.

"I said I wanted you to fuck me up."

Tony smirks, his fingers still working at Bucky's ass, and he snorts. Without warning he slips his pinky in alongside his other fingers.

Bucky gasps as the burn radiates through his lower half and he emits a strained whimper. "Oh, fuck."

"I said I wanted you to fuck me up," Tony mocks him in a whiney tone.

Bucky sits up without warning, his foot connecting with Tony's belly and he knocks the older man onto his back. They've fooled around so Bucky knows he isn't hurting Tony when he crawls to straddle him, a bony knee in the center of Tony's thigh. His jaw clenches and he reaches out, slapping Tony across the face.

"Fuck me," he growls, and Tony complies because fuck it's beautiful when Bucky knows what he wants. He shoves Bucky by the shoulder onto the floor and Bucky doesn't even notice the carpet burn on his shin. He's on his hands and knees with enough of Tony's pushing and pulling and Tony's fingers grip Bucky's left hip, blunt fingernails digging into the pale skin they find there.

Tony's other hand finds Bucky's hair and he wraps his fingers in the roots, pulling Bucky's head back and kissing him sloppily. He sucks Bucky's bottom lip between his teeth and chews on it, drawing a whimper from the man beneath him.

"Shit," Bucky whispers because his lip is bleeding when Tony is done. He wants it to hurt, though, but sighs with relief when Tony releases his scalp. He feels a harsh slap on his ass and then the distinct feeling of Tony's thick head probing at his lax entrance.

Tony uses minimal lube because he wants it to hurt and without warning, he sheathes himself onto Bucky with so much force Bucky's body shifts on the carpet. His breath is taken away momentarily, his ass seemingly on fire as Tony begins to thrust. Bucky lets out a choked cry that's more like a gasping breath as he forces himself to adjust. For a minute Bucky thinks about using his safeword but when his fingers find his cock and begin to stroke with Tony's thrusts the want goes away.

Tony's fingertips trail down Bucky's torso, drawing tiny droplets of blood where the nails manage to split the porcelain skin beneath them. Tony steadies himself with a hand resting just below Bucky's navel. It's Tony's favorite place to touch because he can feel the way muscles tense before an orgasm.

Bucky usually has more restraint than he does right now. Maybe it's the fact that his lip is bleeding and the metallic taste sends him into an all new ecstasy, or the fact that Tony is taking him, marking him. Maybe it's because an hour and fifteen minutes of foreplay is too damn long and Bucky's ready to just come. But he's a panting, moaning mess as Tony grunts above him.

"Choke me," Bucky murmurs. His face is pressed shamelessly against the carpet and there's a small trail of drool pooling beneath his open mouth. He's too out of it to care, doesn't even bother to wipe it because if he moves he's afraid his high will go away. Tony complies and Bucky still feels the sting from Tony's nails and the pressure from his fingers. He's sure he'll have marks in the morning and he's perfectly fine with that.

Tony snickers and clambers to his feet, squatting above Bucky with his cock still buried deep inside of the ass beneath him. He hooks his arm around Bucky's neck and pulls back, cutting off Bucky's air supply as he's thrusting relentlessly. He feels Bucky tensing up and stills his hips as Bucky spills onto the carpet with a muffled whimper. Tony presses a kiss to Bucky's sweaty temple before he pulls out and stands up, shoving Bucky back onto the floor.

"Had enough?" he asks mockingly. Bucky's breaths are ragged and raspy and doesn't really think about what's happening until Tony is in front of him, guiding his cock into Bucky's slack mouth. He's too tired to complain and he's still willing so he doesn't complain when Tony abuse his mouth. Tony wishes he could fuck Bucky's throat but Bucky isn't nearly as experienced with deep throating as Steve is so Tony pulls away when he hears Bucky straining not to heave.

Bucky sighs with relief, wiping the back of his hand over his swollen lips. He collapses onto the carpet, completely fucked out, and he seemingly forgets that Tony hasn't gotten off yet.

"You're not finished," Tony grunts. He's on his knees again as reaches down to grab at Bucky's sore hips, his blunt fingernails digging into the soft flesh. He drags Bucky back until he's on his elbows and knees. "I'm gonna fuck you until I'm done." Tony reaches up to slap Bucky's cheek and Bucky whimpers. He's more tired than in pain and he feels Tony's hand at the back of his head, forcing his cheek against the carpet again with a rush of excitement and shame.

Tony's cock slides into Bucky's slack hole and he groans, closing his eyes at Tony moves. He's so blissfully fucked out, the head of his overly sensitive cock scraping against the carpet with every thrust Tony makes. Bucky's halfway out of it when he feels Tony and come with a grunt, stilling for a moment before he grabs Bucky by the elbow and coaxes him onto the bed.

At least fifteen minutes pass before Tony says anything. Bucky's settled on his stomach, still sticky with sweat and his ass so sore, and Tony rests a hand on his shoulder blade.

"You okay?"

Bucky smiles into his pillow and he's glad he isn't facing Tony because his cheeks are flushed. Bucky isn't accustomed to Tony caring so much. It's usually Steve who cares, but it's nice that Tony cares, too, and Bucky knows he does because Tony wants reassurance.

"Sore, but yeah."

"Good," Tony murmurs. He presses a kiss to the back of Bucky's still-moist neck and settles onto his side. He doesn't feel alone like he did the first time Steve left on a trip because he has Bucky now, and that's that and Tony is content with it.


	9. Chapter 9

It's early the next morning when Bucky feels Tony's breath at the nape of his neck. He glances at the red glow that's assaulting his eyes and  _fuck_  he's sore. Bucky's always laughs at the idea of sex hurting but realizes that's only because he's probably never had such amazing sex before. Right now his knees and elbows are sore, and not to mention his ass, and he just wants to go back to sleep but he realizes that it's the sound of thunder that wakes him. He sits up on his elbow, watching out the large windows as a flash of lightning splashes across the room. He flops back down and feels Tony shift against him, his breaths coming through his nose in soft puffs.

"Time's it?" Tony whispers, only to glance over Bucky's head at the clock on the bedside table. He settles back into the covers, his arm draped protectively over Bucky's thin hip. He doesn't miss being able to spoon with Steve because Bucky's small hip is a reminder of how much bigger Steve is. Sure, Bucky is taller than Tony by 3 inches, but he's lean for the most part and Tony loves the feeling of Bucky's hip bone pressing into his forearm.

Bucky isn't entirely coherent when he rests his hand over Tony's and interlaces their fingers. Tony refuses to hold hands in public, and for a very good reason, but in the privacy of the bedroom Bucky is more than welcome to hold Tony's hand and Tony finds it endearing that Bucky makes the choice to do so.

Tony feels a light shiver pulse through his body and scoots impossibly closer to Bucky and rests his forehead against the back of Bucky's head, his nose buried in the dark messy hair. He inhales deeply and a mixture of spice and musk and sex fills his nostrils. His cock twitches with interest and Tony's slightly irked because he was planning on going back to sleep. He inhales again, his instincts overpowering his intentions when he pulls his hand free and trails it down Bucky's bare torso.

Bucky's almost asleep again so he doesn't protest. His only reaction is to whimper softly when Tony's calloused hands brush against his flaccid cock. Tony takes it into his grasp delicately, his thumb pressing against the underside of the head, and his lips attach to the side of Bucky's neck. Bucky presses his ass back against Tony and groans, his muscles sore from hours ago, but the aching need is flaring again and he wants it. He  _needs_  it.

"Tony," Bucky murmurs, turning his face into the pillow, and it's a desperate plea that Tony can't ignore.

"Yeah," Tony mutters in compliance. "Okay."

He grunts as he reaches for the lube, cold and slick, and his fingers probe Bucky's tender hole. He's growing impatient and he should probably work a little longer at prepping but they're both growing impatient. Tony scoots down a little and angles his hips. They're both so sensitive when Tony pushes in and he wraps an arm around Bucky's torso, pressing kisses to his bare skin as he begins to thrust lazily. Soft moans fill the bedrooms and their shadows project on the wall with flashes of lightning.

Tony moves just a little so he can kiss the shell of Bucky's ear, breathing softly against his hair as they build a slow, steady rhythm together. "You like this?" he murmurs, biting at his earlobe lightly.

Bucky nods and cranes his neck for a kiss, breaking away only to whisper, "Love the way you fill me." And Bucky wishes he could just  _tell_ Tony how he feels but he isn't sure if he would be overstepping boundaries because he's sure Tony probably doesn't feel the same way. Or maybe he does but even if he does it's not like Tony would ever vocalize such a thing.

Bucky's fingers wrap around his thick cock and he breathes out slowly at his own touch because it's firm and he knows exactly what to do. Within a few strokes he's there and Tony's thrusts speed up with his own climax reaching. Blunt fingernails dig into Bucky's torso and Tony's there, coming in short spurts against the hot walls of Bucky's ass. His movement stills and Bucky is the first one to move. He pulls away from Tony and rolls over so that they're facing each other. He presses a soft, thorough kiss to Tony's mouth and breathes him in. Their breath smells horrible but they couldn't care less.

"Tony?" he whispers as he breaks the kiss.

"Hm?"

Bucky's chest swells and his heart is racing because he wants so badly to say what he's been holding in for a few weeks now but he can't. He just  _can't_. He's tried and the words literally refuse to leave his mouth. "Uh…"

"Hm?"

"It's nothing."

"Tell me."

Bucky clears his throat hesitantly. "I was just gonna ask if you know when Steve's coming home." It's a lie because that is  _the last_  thing that Bucky wants to know about.

"Sometime this week."

He nods and scoots a little closer to Tony, resting his head on Tony's shoulder and his hand over the soft blue glow of his arc reactor.

* * *

Steve comes home on a Tuesday morning. He notices a change in Bucky's demeanor from the time he left but doesn't mention anything yet. Steve is downstairs in the lab with Tony and he's so glad to be home in familiar settings with his familiar husband when it's just the two of them.

"How did things go while I was away?"

Tony shrugs, spinning around in his office chair to look at Steve. "It was okay. Busted through a wall or two. Got it fixed, no big deal."

Steve sighs. "That's the third time in two months."

"It's fine!" Tony groans. "It's  _fine_ , Steve, no big deal."

"How much did it cost to fix this time?"

"Money isn't an issue."

"Okay but it matters because I  _asked you_  to stop engaging in activities that would result in you busting through walls."

Tony groans. "You're not even home for an hour and you start nagging me."

"Well I'm sorry, but I've asked you time and time again to cut that shit out."

"Steve, okay!" he says, exasperated. "Can you just chill?"

Steve isn't sure whether Tony is making jokes intentionally but the slight hint of a smirk on his face tells Steve that the joke is definitely intentional. Steve stands up and walks out of the lab despite Tony's begging pleas not to.

* * *

It's long past midnight and Tony is still awake and, of course, Steve is in bed by now but Bucky is still up, too. He comes down to the lab and approaches Tony at the work bench, wrapping an arm around his shoulders briefly and kissing his hair.

Tony acknowledges the gesture with a soft grunt and Bucky makes himself comfortable sitting on top of the table. "What's up with Steve?"

Tony shrugs and spins around in his chair. "He say anything to you?"

"Hardly anything. That's why I'm asking you if you know."

Tony shakes his head, pursing his lips. "Nope. No idea."

"Maybe something happened?" Bucky shrugs.

"Maybe."

There's a short pause before Bucky clears his throat. He sounds sort of nervous and unsure but Tony isn't really doing anything anyway, so Bucky says, "I ordered pizza. It should be here in a minute. Wanna play Xbox?"

Tony's thin lips curl into a smile and he allows Bucky to take his hand and drag him upstairs.

* * *

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Steve asks when he strides into the living room dressed for a workout. The empty pizza box sits on the floor and Tony is sprawled across the sofa with his feet in Bucky's lap.

"Past midnight?" Tony guesses, judging by Steve's state of dress. He doesn't really know because they played Xbox for a few hours and then settled down to watch TV.

"It's six in the morning. Have either of you been to sleep yet?"

"Did you wake up to either of us next to you in bed?" Bucky quips. He regrets it as soon as it leaves his mouth because Steve doesn't look amused to say the least. He rolls his eyes and doesn't say anything else until right before he reaches the door.

"You two need to cut out the bullshit."

Tony groans but doesn't really pay much attention to his husband because he's actually tired now and wants to sleep with Bucky. He turns TV off and stands up, pulling Bucky to the bedroom with him.

They flop down without bothering to strip from their clothes and Tony fits behind Bucky so perfectly that he's convinced he was made to be there. He noses Bucky's hair and presses a soft kiss to the back of his neck, sliding an arm around Bucky's hip as if they could be any closer. And Tony is beginning to wonder why this feels so natural and why he prefers spooning with Bucky these days. Maybe it's just because Steve has been gone and Bucky is what he's used to now. Maybe it's because when Steve  _is_ home, all he does is nag Tony about things he needs to do or things he's already done. He doesn't think about it too much because the sleep is pulling him in just as intensely as Bucky is.


	10. Chapter 10

"Move," Tony murmurs, pushing Bucky under the shower head. Tony slips to his knees and Bucky's fingers slide into Tony's hair so naturally. Bucky leans back against the wall a little and sighs in anticipation. He enjoys the warm water that pours over his body and he enjoys Tony's warm lips even more than that. He groans softly as Tony presses slow, teasing kisses to his belly. His tongue darts out between thin lips as he worships Bucky's skin, licking lightly and dipping his into his navel. Tony smirks when that earns him a soft moan and Bucky's fingers tighten in his hair.

Tony shushes him because he and Bucky aren't supposed to be showering right now and they know Steve is in the adjacent room. In one smooth motion he pulls Bucky's cock into his mouth and runs his tongue around the head. Bucky looks down at him through the water and pulls Tony's head closer, pushing himself deeper into Tony's mouth, not that Tony minds. He takes what he's given, closing his eyes and sucking harder.

Bucky's panting and leaning against the wall. His eyes slip closed as he hones in on his body's reaction to what Tony's doing. He feels Tony's mouth, so wet and warm and thorough. Bucky hears the sounds of water trickling down the drain and the sounds that are coming out of his mouth and everything else is just a distant buzz.

Bucky tries to think of something to say but he can't. He doesn't want to interrupt Tony's process as he feels Tony's hand slip up from his ankle to his calf, caressing it slowly. Tony pulls away only long enough to press worshipping kisses to Bucky's thighs, groaning softly because he loves this. He loves it so much, loves to feel Bucky's muscles tense beneath his touch, the way his skin raises with goose bumps, loves the way he tastes. And Bucky tries so hard not to thrust into Tony's throat and Tony wishes he could be better at this for Bucky. Steve's good at it, but that's not who Bucky wants right now.

Bucky's close when he pushes Tony away. He'd rather have Tony's mouth on his lips than on his cock so he kneels and wraps an arm around Tony's shoulders, his other hand going to his hard cock. Bucky strokes quickly and their kiss is fierce and mostly teeth and tongue, and Tony loves the way Bucky moans when he comes because he can feel the vibration in his mouth.

Bucky drops his hand from his cock and leans against Tony, warm, content and exhausted. They stay like that for a while and only when Tony comments that Steve will probably come looking for them soon.

"Tony, we need to talk," Steve announces when he walks into the bedroom. Bucky is messing around in the kitchen so Steve figures this is a good time. He lets out a shaky breath and clears his throat.

"What about?"

Steve hesitates and takes a seat on the bed next to Tony's legs. Tony is still in bed, slightly hangover from his and Bucky's escapades the night before, so he doesn't protest when Steve puts a hand on his thigh.

"I think we should go back to the way things were six months ago."

Tony's eyebrows furrow as he tries to remember what changed six months ago. Steve sighs heavily but in Tony's defense he's still sort of hung over and he's not concentrating.

"Before Bucky moved in."

Tony sits up because no. He doesn't want that at all. It's been the three of us for a while now. I thought we were okay." He puts a hand to his forehead for dramatics and shakes his head.

"Obviously things aren't okay, Tony. It's different now. We hardly spend any time together anymore."

"We can spend more time together."

"Okay, it's just-sometimes I want to be alone with you."

Tony frowns and tries to make it sound casual. "I thought Bucky was your friend."

"He is. Which is why I think he'll understand if we ask him to step out of the picture for a while."

"Okay, no. I don't want that. Why are you kicking him out?"

"I just feel like we're drifting apart."

Tony snorts, "That's because you're the one who refuses to spend time with us."

"Because you two are always fooling around with video games and you know I don't like that type of thing. Look, I'm just asking for a little while. Maybe a few months until we see how things go. I'm expecting you to tell him because you're the one who started this."

"Started this? You're the one who wanted a fucking threesome for your birthday," Tony scowls. "He was your friend first. If you hadn't mentioned it nothing would have started."

"Why are you getting upset? I just want things to go back to normal."

"Maybe I don't."

Steve blinks furiously, cocking his head to the side. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Tony pushes out of bed and has to grab onto the bedside table to stop from falling over because he's sort of dizzy.

"Tony," Steve persists but Tony stumbles into the kitchen where he sees Bucky in all of his shirtless glory standing in front of the toaster.

"What is wrong with you?" Steve sputters.

Tony spins on his heel and extends a hand in Steve's general direction. He's got a headache and fighting is the absolute last thing he wants to do right now. "Stop. Okay? Just stop, because I'm not in the mood for this shit."

Bucky slowly turns around with curious eyes, as if he's a kid in the middle of bickering parents, and takes a bite of his toast.

"And you know what? You can tell him since you're already in here. I'm fucking done," Tony mutters as he's walking back to their bedroom.

Steve sighs and doesn't even look at Bucky before leaving their place altogether.

Bucky is so confused and he doesn't know what to think, so he decides to leave his toast on the counter and follow Tony. When he catches up with him Tony is standing in their bathroom with his toothbrush in hand, just sort of staring into space. Bucky approaches Tony wordlessly, wrapping him in a hug and Tony can't help but glance over his shoulder. Bucky presses his lips to Tony's cheek he doesn't move or speak because he doesn't really want to. He just wants to soak in this moment because he doesn't know how many more of these moments they'll have together.

"Hey," Tony finally says.

"Is everything okay?" Bucky murmurs.

Tony groans because doesn't want to do this but he doesn't want to dwell on it, either. He just needs to get it over with. "Uh, yeah, not really. Actually, Steve thinks it'd be better if you stepped out of the picture for a little while."

"That's what you guys were arguing about?"

"Yeah."

Bucky swallows and blinks slowly. He's not really sure what to think or say but when he looks at Tony's reflection in the mirror he knows Tony doesn't want this. He can sense it even through the haze of Tony's sort-of-hangover.

"Did he say why?" Bucky asks quietly, and Tony lies when he shakes his head 'no.' "So why couldn't Steve tell me himself?"

"He says I'm the one who 'started this', whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean." Tony pulls out of Bucky's embrace and crosses the bathroom to the shower and Bucky starts to leave.

"This wasn't my idea," Tony says quietly. "Just for the record, I want you here."

Bucky smiles sadly at Tony because he can tell. He knows.

"I'll go get my stuff," Bucky nods.

Bucky is gone by the end of the week and Tony doesn't know how to cope. He doesn't play video games or watch TV and he doesn't eat hardly anything. He spends his time in the lab listening to music and trying to avoid Steve because things are tense and he really doesn't want to have to deal with his husband right now.

Tony is zoned out until his music stops and he turns around to see Steve standing ten feet away. He looks unsure, like maybe he shouldn't have interrupted Tony or turned off the music, and the expression Tony greets him with only confirms it. But Steve is wearing only a pair of tight briefs and a black tank top and he looks so hopeful. Like maybe he can convince Tony that Bucky being gone is for the best. Like maybe if he can get Tony to fuck him things will be okay. Like maybe he reminds Tony that they're actually married they can actually fix this.

And Tony can't. He just can't look at Steve. He doesn't want to and he thought better of Steve than to try something so low.

"Did you need something?" Tony mumbles as he turns back to his tumbler of scotch.

Steve stumbles over what to say and he feels sort of foolish for even trying such a thing. "Uh... no, not really. I ordered a pizza for lunch if you're hungry."

"You don't even like pizza."

"But you do."

"Why would you assume I wanted pizza?"

"I just thought you might be hungry, Tony. A simple 'thank you' would suffice."

Tony grunts and downs the rest of his scotch with a grunt of acknowledgement just so Steve will leave the room. He does, and Tony pours himself another glass.


	11. Chapter 11

"When was the last time you showered?" Steve asks Tony when he comes into the living room.

Tony is lounging on the couch with his feet hanging over the arm, looking over at his husband and shrugging to the best of his ability. "Don't remember."

"You stink and you need to shave. What's wrong with you?" the blonde presses, crossing his arms. As much as Steve tries not to, he sort of sounds like a nagging mother. He rolls his eyes when Tony doesn't respond and clears his throat. "We're having guests tomorrow, Tony. You need to get off your ass and get yourself cleaned up. I don't know what you're trying to accomplish by pouting like a three-year-old but you need to cut it out."

"Yeah, I don't remember asking for your opinion," he says with a wave of his hand. "Go run or something."

"I'm going out for groceries. I expect you to be up and showered by the time I get back."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll get Natasha over here," Steve warns, and he's completely serious. He walks out of the room, muttering quietly to himself as he goes.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch!" Tony shouts after him. He grumbles but heaves himself off of the sofa to get showered and changed because he has somewhere to be.

* * *

Tony tries to pretend that he isn't the one who knocks by standing up against the wall several feet away from the door.

The door isn't even fully open when Bucky calls out, "I know it's you, Tony." Tony does that thing where he tries not to smile and he goes inside the apartment as Bucky gestures for him to come in.

"Did you really think you were being inconspicuous?" Bucky asks with the slightest hint of a chuckle. He's smiling way too much for someone who's had the sort of life that Bucky's had.

Tony grins crookedly and steps forward to put a hand on Bucky's hip, pulling him in for a kiss that's both tender and sweet. He doesn't really mean for it to turn into anything other than a peck but it does. Bucky pulls him in and they sort of stumble toward Bucky's bedroom before Bucky even addresses why Tony came over.

Bucky falls back on the bed and pulls Tony with him. His heart is beating way too expeditiously for it to be from the walk to the bedroom. It's thundering in Bucky's chest because he's missed this. He's _missed_ Tony and he doesn't want him to ever leave.

Tony takes note of the partially dazed expression on Bucky's face and rolls over to hover above him. "Miss me?" he asks, and it comes out sounding way too complex for a yes or no question.

Bucky nods as his blue eyes flicker to the ceiling and then back at Tony. Bucky worries his bottom lip because he can't handle this; the longing and want and loneliness are crushing him. "Why are you here?" he whispers, swallowing and trying to pretend that he's not upset at Tony for obeying Steve and making him leave.

"I know you don't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving, so I thought I'd drop by and see if you wanna come eat with Natasha and Clint at our place."

"You didn't just _drop by_ ," Bucky says pointedly. "You live thirty minutes away. Plus I never told you where I moved to after Steve kicked me out."

"That's beside the point," Tony says with a waving motion of his hand. "You're coming to eat with us. I'm not taking 'no' for an answer."

"What's Steve gonna say?"

Tony shrugs. "I don't really care what Steve says because I want you there so you're coming."

The corners of Bucky's lips tug up just a little. "If you wanted to invite me you could've just called."

"I wanted to extend the invitation in person."

"Bullshit," Bucky chuckles, stealing a kiss from the corner of Tony's mouth and bites lightly at the inside of his cheek. "We both know that's not why you're really here."

"What am I here for, then?" Tony murmurs, dipping his head to kiss the crook of Bucky's neck.

Bucky swallows down his reply and finds Tony's lips, kissing them desperately with aching want.

After a long moment Tony pulls back and strips his shirt, motioning for Bucky to do the same. When Bucky complies Tony breathes out slowly and straddles Bucky's thighs, leaning down to trace his fingers along the slightest outline of his ribs. Bucky watches Tony's fingers dance over his skin for a moment longer before he falls victim to that silky touch and his eyes slide closed with a soft groan.

Their pants fall to the wayside and their bodies are only shadows dancing on the wall cast by the soft glow of the light coming in through the hallway. Tony leaves the bed only long enough to rummage through the bathroom cabinet for a bottle of lube and when he comes back, Bucky is still on his side.

"Roll over," Tony instructs softly.

Bucky shakes his head just a little, unsure of how Tony is going to take this, but he licks his lip before murmuring, "I wanna see you when you fuck me."

Tony doesn't see anything wrong with that so he nods and climbs back on the mattress, kneeling between Bucky's spread legs. He pops the cap on the lid and within seconds, an expertly skilled finger slides into him. Bucky isn't aware that his head isn't on the pillow until he drops it back with a soft groan.

It's been so long since Tony's had sex in this position that it takes him several adjustments for him to find a comfortable position. When he finds it he adds a second finger and Bucky _needs_ Tony. He reaches up and crashes their lips together. The kiss softens as Tony's fingers work him open and Bucky's almost trembling by the time Tony pushes in.

* * *

"Shit," Tony pants after he comes. He pulls out and allows his weight to fall on Bucky, panting softly into his neck and he closes his eyes as Bucky's fingers slide into his hair. They're only slightly sweaty and Bucky wants to keep Tony here for as long as he can.

"I have to go," Tony mutters a few moments later. He sighs, pulling himself from Bucky's grip to collect his clothes.

"You should stay," Bucky says, rolling onto his side and draping the sheet over his hip.

"I should and I want to, but Steve's already giving me shit lately. I'll see you tomorrow." Tony doesn't know what compels him to do so, but he crosses the room to give Bucky a departure kiss.

* * *

Tony is thankful that he gets back to the tower when he does because Steve comes in ten minutes later. He's surprised to see Tony up and dressed, much less hanging around in the kitchen. Tony watches Steve put the groceries away and clears his throat before asking, "What time are we eating tomorrow?"

"Two o'clock. I'm hoping everyone's gone by seven or so. I thought maybe we could try to watch a movie or something," Steve says quietly, as if he's afraid of being shot down.

"I can't make any promises."

"Of course not. You never can, can you?" Steve fires back, turning around to face his husband with crossed arms.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, Tony," he sighs and shakes his head.

* * *

When Tony comes into the kitchen with Bucky trailing behind Steve is surprised to say the least. It'd be perfectly appropriate to say that he's absolutely _pissed_. He knows Tony planned this and he can't exactly make a scene about it because everyone is here and it wouldn't be appropriate to start a fight. So Steve is a good host and smiles politely and sets another place at the table.

After dessert Natasha and Clint leave so it's just Tony, Steve and Bucky. Steve is dropping hints for Bucky to leave but Bucky is too busy eating the leftover pumpkin bread that Natasha brought to pay attention to the hints.

"Tony, can I talk to you?" Steve says, walking over and grabbing his husband by the forearm. He guides Tony into the privacy of the living room and Tony can see the rage in Steve's eyes.

"What the hell was that?"

"What was what?" Tony retorts.

"You invited Bucky without telling me? That's- he has to go. He has to leave. Please make him leave."

"Why? He's supposed to be your friend, Steve. I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal is that you invited him without telling me and now he won't take my hints to leave. He has to go. I don't want him to stay the night.'

"Why can't he stay the night?"

"Because I wanted to do something with just _you_."

Tony rolls his eyes and blinks furiously. "That is such bullshit. You haven't wanted to do anything with me! All you do is nag me and try to control me. I'm not your damn kid and you can't tell me what I can and can't do!"

"I'm not trying to control you! I'm asking you to ask Bucky to leave!"

Tony shakes his head adamantly. "No, there's no reason he can't stay. If you want him to go, you're going to have to ask him yourself."

Steve groans but complies as he pushes past Tony and goes into the kitchen.

Bucky is staring at Steve with crossed arms, raising his eyebrows expectantly. "I heard everything, so there's no need for you to fake politeness and ask me to leave because I'm fucking going." He crosses the room in long strides and leaves the tower without even telling Tony goodbye. It's okay, though, because he has a feeling he'll see Tony again.


	12. Chapter 12

Tony's hand slides down Bucky's calf and grip his thigh, hoisting Bucky's leg higher around his waist and Bucky groans because it pulls Tony deeper inside him. They've been at it for a while now and they've changed positions at least three times but they always come back to this one because it's so easy and natural for the both of them.

Tony's lips wander across Bucky's pale skin and trace his jawline as he continues his slow, thorough thrusts and Bucky's hands grasp loosely at Tony's shoulders.

"Do you ever miss fucking me?" Bucky asks quietly, causing Tony to still his movements and stare down at him for a moment.

Tony looks to the side and then back to the familiar blue eyes. "My dick is in you right now. Pretty sure that constitutes as fucking you."

"No, I mean  _fucking_. Hard fucking."

"Kind of," Tony shrugs. "But this is nice, too."

Bucky nods and shifts a little and Tony is still inside of him when he asks, "Do you and Steve still-?"

Tony clears his throat and shakes his head. "Not since before you left."

Bucky swallows and nods a little, sliding his hand up to hold the back of Tony's head and pull him down for a kiss. It's slow and sweet and eventually the kiss is so good that Tony's thrusts stop completely. He wishes he could just disappear and be away from all of these complicated things he's feeling, but he knows he can't. It's not an option. It never will be. Eventually he'll have to deal with these feelings but dammit, he doesn't want to.

Bucky pulls back just a little to nudge at Tony's jaw. He eventually whispers, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Tony answers with a small smile. His thrusts resume and Bucky's right hand leaves Tony's hair as he reaches down and grips his own hard cock, thumbing the head as Tony buries himself further and further inside the surrounding heat. Seconds later Bucky climaxes with a throaty whine, coaxing Tony to do the same. Bucky is slightly out of breath but he wants to go again. He wants Tony, forever and always. A few hours a week aren't nearly enough.

"Oh," Bucky moans when Tony pulls out. He shifts in bed and Tony gets comfortable beside him, pressing a feathery kiss to the red star on Bucky's arm.

And Bucky is sure this is the perfect timing. He's concerned that he's waited too long and he just wants this out in the open. "Tony, I—"

"Me first," Tony cuts in, "I think we should stop seeing each other."

Bucky has to pause for a second because  _what the fuck?_ He isn't sure what he was expecting to hear but that definitely wasn't what he thought was coming. He glances over at Tony for a short moment before he blinks, clears his throat, and manages a meek and delayed, "Okay."

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

Bucky attempts to shrug despite his position in bed. He hopes he isn't giving too much away when he manages to spit out a strangled, "I don't guess I have a choice, do I? It's your marriage."

Tony recognizes the change in Bucky's voice. "Yeah," he simply agrees, standing up to collect his clothes and pull them on. He doesn't look up at Bucky for fear of seeing the expression on his face. He can't imagine what he'd see if he did look.

* * *

When Tony gets home he finds their floor of the tower decorated for Christmas. Steve is reading in their bedroom and, knocking lightly on the doorframe, Tony asks, "Can we talk?"

Steve hesitates before nodding, closing his book and resting it on his chest. He sits up in bed as Tony perches himself on the edge of it. "What's up?"

"I know I haven't been the best husband lately."

"You've been kind of an ass," Steve nods, not quite looking at Tony.

"I know." Tony doesn't apologize because apologizing isn't Tony's style. Instead, he leans over and kisses Steve's cheek lightly. "So… you wanna go get food?"

Steve can't hold back his smile or his small chuckle. "You never lose your charm, do you?"

Tony grins. "Nope, never. So if you wanna go get dressed we can get food. I'm hungry."

"It's kind of late," Steve says, looking at clock that reads 9:05. He tosses his book aside and steps up, walking into the bathroom to freshen up.

"Where do you wanna go?" Tony calls, just now realizing that Steve has put up the tree in the corner of their bedroom. He wonders why it isn't decorated and notices the plastic storage tub full of ornaments sitting on the floor.

Steve steps out of the bathroom, grabbing his brown scarf off the back of the chair and throwing it around his neck. "Just the cafe is fine."

"That's so boring."

"You don't have reservations anywhere, do you?"

"No."

Steve gives his husband a small, crooked smile. "Of course not. Come on."

* * *

Despite the whiskey he's drinking, Bucky is cold. He should feel warmed by the liquor he's consuming, and has been consuming for the past two hours, but he doesn't. The heater in the apartment is on but he's still cold. He's chilled by his own presence and his breath is icy against the empty air around him. He can't help but think that if he had said something, if he had just fucking  _spoken up_  things wouldn't have ended this way. His eyes are glistening with unspoken words and he doesn't want to blink for fear of them spilling out, because not only is Bucky devastated by the way things turned out but he can't believe he's done this to himself.  _He let it happen_.

If he had left the tower the night after Steve's birthday nothing would have happened. If Steve hadn't gone on that stupid fucking mission, Bucky and Tony wouldn't have grown so close and then Bucky wouldn't have ended up so fucking  _alone_.

Bucky wouldn't be envious of his friend. His best-fucking-friend. If he had left that night he wouldn't be pining over his best-fucking-friend's husband. He can't help himself, though. It always seems as if Steve comes out on top all the time in the end, no matter what. Bucky tells himself that he's better for Tony than Steve is. Steve is too boring, too bland, too  _good_  for Tony Stark.

Even then Bucky is so furious, so  _pissed_ at himself and at Steve that he pulls his worn body off of the sofa and grabs the bottle of whiskey from the coffee table. He doesn't really think when he hurls it at the wall. He doesn't think about the fact that the bottle isn't empty, or that it's glass and it'll shatter, or that he probably won't be able to get the smell out of the carpet, or that he won't get his deposit back. He doesn't care because it's at least  _some sort_  of relief from this fucking torture.

The little bit of relief that Bucky  _does_  receive isn't enough and the lamp next on the end table is doomed to the same fate as the whiskey bottle. Bucky lets out a gravely, animalistic howl when the lamp hits the wall and the unspoken words slip from his eyes.

* * *

"Help me decorate the tree," Steve says when they return from dinner at the café.

Tony looks over at their slim, 6-foot tree in the corner of their bedroom and whines, "Can't you do it by yourself?"

"I could, but you could help me and it'd go twice as fast. Plus, it's a tradition."

Tony heaves an overdramatic groan and drags his feet across the room as Steve begins to unbox their ornaments.

In ten minutes the tree is a quarter of the way decorated and Tony isn't really helping so much as handing Steve ornaments to place among the branches. The silence between them is tense, but not as tense as it's been lately, and finally Tony asks, "So, are we not gonna talk about what happened with Bucky?"

Steve scowls and places the ornament in his hand—a crystal snowflake—near the top of the tree. He slowly turns to face his husband. "I just… I got, um, tired of it? I guess? Y'know, Bucky and I were kind of a thing once but I don't really want that anymore."

"Okay, but the way you went about telling him was really shitty," Tony replies pointedly. "You haven't been acting like you."

"Well, I wish I could say the same thing," Steve sighs. "But you're kind of always an ass."

Tony shrugs, humming, because he really can't disagree with that statement. "So, the mission you went on… Did anything happen? Because you weren't really you when you came back."

"Again, I wish I could say the same thing."

"I don't know what you expect me to tell you," Tony frowns, crossing his arms in defense. "You want me to say 'I'm sorry' for doing things that I want to do on my terms? I'm not going to. Do you want me to apologize for staying up late and maybe not going to bed until four in the morning? I won't. That's  _me_ , Steve. That's always been me. And you've always been a nag but, I mean,  _come on_. Not this hardcore."

"I'm not a nag anymore," Steve retorts quietly, reaching into the plastic tub for another ornament. "Not since Bucky left."

"So you were just acting like that way because you wanted him out? Why didn't you just say something sooner?"

"I don't know. I didn't want to tell my best friend that I didn't want him around anymore. I was going to get to it eventually, but I didn't think we'd start arguing and he'd hear."

"There are better ways to do it than the way you did it," Tony points out. "You were kind of an asshole about it."

"I was not—"

"Yeah, Steve, you were. Just because you don't want to hear it doesn't mean it isn't true."

Steve rolls his eyes. "You know what? On second thought, I don't need your help with the tree. I can take it from here."

Tony huffs and resists the urge to kick Steve's box of stupid ornaments before heading down to the lab.


	13. Chapter 13

Three days before Christmas Bucky is in his living room and the air is heavy with stale smoke. He's sort of zoned out when he hears a knock on the door but he makes no move to get up. Thirty seconds later there's another knock followed by, "I know you're in there, Barnes!"

Bucky's jaw clenches at the sound of the voice at the door. He pushes himself off the sofa and crosses the room to open the door. "What the hell do you want?" he mutters, and he's not even able to look Tony in the eye.

"Can I come in?"

"I'm busy," Bucky replies, going to shut the door. Tony catches it, though, and pushes it open. With a heaving sigh Bucky allows Tony to step inside and then closes the door before going back to his nest on the couch.

Tony stands in the middle of the apartment like he hasn't been there a dozen times before. His hands are balled fists in his pants pockets and his gaze is fixed on the floor. Bucky reaches for his pack of cigarettes and realizes it's empty, groaning as he tosses the empty box back onto the coffee table.

"Why are you here?" Bucky asks with a thick swallow. He keeps trying to tell himself to calm down and that this visit doesn't mean anything. He has nothing to look forward to and nothing to hope for so his heart can stop beating erratically now.

"I made a mistake."

 _No shit_ , Bucky thinks, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He decides to wait until Tony explains to make any sort of remark.

"I'm, uh, I'm not—can I sit down?" Tony mutters, gesturing to the sofa. He gets an affirmative nod and takes a seat on the opposite side of the couch.

"I made a mistake," Tony says again. "It was kind of shitty for me to just leave like I did."

"Yeah," Bucky agrees. It was actually  _really_  shitty. "That still doesn't answer my question.  _Why are you here_?"

Tony sighs because he definitely thought being honest with Bucky would be easier than it's turning out to be. "I don't want to stop seeing you, okay? I just—I don't, and that's my choice. I get if you don't want to do it because of Steve or because of how I treated you but I just thought you deserved to know," Tony shrugs.

Bucky averts his eyes and folds his hands in his lap. He wants to say yes but he doesn't know if he can trust Tony again. Instead of answering immediately, he chews at his lip and asks, "What about you and Steve?"

"I don't know," Tony sighs, running a hand over his hair. "We're fighting a lot. It's almost a constant and I don't know what's gonna come of it." Tony notices the look on Bucky's face when he looks up and shakes his head. "Before you get any ideas and start blaming yourself, it's not your fault, alright? Things haven't been the same for a while now, even before Steve's birthday."

"Do you—I mean… is it something you're going to try and fix with him?"

Tony shakes his head. He's almost whispering when he says it, but Bucky hears it clear as day. "I don't know. I don't know anything except that right now, honestly, I would rather spend an hour over here than an entire night in the tower with Steve."

Bucky nods and reaches up to mess with his hair (a bad habit he should probably break one of these days). "Why did it take you almost a month to apologize?" he mutters. He wants Tony to know how he struggled. He wants Tony to know how much it hurt. He wants Tony to know those things but he would never tell him outright.

"Because I was trying to salvage my marriage," Tony shrugs. "I don't know. I wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing."

"So you and Steve are—?"

"Over?" Tony supplies. "I don't know. I can't think about that right now."

"You'll have to eventually," Bucky remarks.

Tony rolls his eyes and, upon doing so, notices a hole in the living room wall that wasn't there the last time he visited. He notices the stain on the carpet below and Bucky realizes that Tony is looking at the spot where the whiskey bottle landed all those nights ago.

"Don't ask," Bucky groans.  _Please don't ask_.

"Nightmares?" Tony guesses.

"No," Bucky snorts with a blustering laugh.  _Oh, if you only knew._

"Flashbacks?"

Bucky's reply is through clenched teeth this time, " _No_." And he really hopes Tony shuts up because he's almost certain he's about to lose it and that's the last thing both of them need.

"Drunk?"

That's the icing on the fucking cake and Bucky  _wants_  Tony to know just how quickly he can snap. He lashes out at the coffee table with his leg, kicking it onto its side with the rough shove of his foot. Tony jumps and Bucky's chest is heaving and he can't really see because all he sees is red and he wishes he could kill Tony. But he would never. "Yes, I was fucking drunk! And you know why I was so soused? Because you can't fucking  _deal with shit_! You don't just fucking drop that on someone and leave them to deal with it on their own."

"You said it was—"

Bucky shakes his head. "You left and  _I wanted you_."

Tony huffs. "No. You told me it was my marriage. You said you didn't have a choice and I agreed; you can't lay all the blame on me!"

"You should have known, Stark. You should've fucking  _known_."

"Maybe I should've, but I didn't. I said it was a mistake. If you don't want to accept it for what it is, I'll just leave." Tony gets no response and shows himself out. He's certain he's going to go crawling back to the tower after his and Steve's fight, but he's already fifteen feet away from the door when he hears it open.

"I never said you had to go," Bucky calls.

Tony's steps cease and he turns around to face him. "Tell me you want me to stay."

Bucky swallows hard and drops his eyes to the ground momentarily before looking back up with an, albeit unconscious, pleading expression. "I want you to stay."

Tony gives him a curt nod and walks back into the apartment, stripping his coat off and laying it on the arm of the couch. Bucky closes the door and runs a hand through his hair. "Want a drink?" he asks.

Tony nods because he needs  _really_  needs one. Bucky pours them each a glass of whiskey and he throws his back without a thought. He has another, and then a third, and then he decides to go sit back on the couch. Tony follows shortly after and he's not sure if he should wait or if he should give Bucky the gift he brought with him. Ideally, Tony would wait until Christmas day but at the time he bought the present he was pretty sure seeing Bucky would impossible. He wasn't even sure that he'd see him again, but he had to make an effort and that's why he's here.

Regardless of what Tony thinks will happen, he reaches over to his coat and pulls a red leather box out of the bulging pocket, tossing it into Bucky's lap.

"What's this?"

"Open it," Tony says with a gesture.

Bucky does and he's a little taken aback when he examines the enclosed timepiece. He fumbles for a few embarrassing seconds before freeing the watch from its confines and examining it.

"It's the Calibre de Cartier Chronograph. Nothing special," Tony sniffs. He's trying to play this down and Bucky's lack of high fashion knowledge is helpful. Tony reaches over to put it on Bucky's wrist and the stainless steel washes out against the metallic of Bucky's arm. Tony thinks maybe he should've gone with the pink gold and brown leather band, but Bucky seems alright with it, so whatever.

"It looks expensive," he says. "Should I ask how much?"

Tony purses his lips and decides against it. He's bought more expensive things for less important people. "Nah."

Bucky sits back against the couch and pretends that he's not staring at the extravagant watch. It's quiet and reserved when he asks, "Why?"

"I said I made a mistake. Plus, Christmas is, like, two days away."

"You bought me a Christmas present?"

"More or less."

"Is it a Christmas present or is it an apology gift?" Bucky asks, trying his hardest to refrain from breaking into a smirk. He can't help it, though; the corners of his mouth tug up and he lets out a stifled snort. Tony returns the smile and Bucky stands up with a soft sigh and extends his hand. The flesh of Tony's hand touches the metal of his own and Bucky leads him back to his very messy bedroom. He knows he shouldn't care about his inner slob and it's weird but he doesn't like to fuck in a messy bedroom. He spends a good two minutes gathering the dirty clothes and throwing them into a pile for washing at a later date.

Bucky is still unsure if he wants this to be lovemaking or fucking. He decides that he'll make that decision once Tony is undressed. He reaches out with his right arm, grabbing the lapel of Tony's jacket to pull him closer. He's sure Tony can feel the lingering anger in his actions. He's not even  _kissing_ Tony right now. He busies himself with unsteady hands that quickly undo the buttons of Tony's dress shirt. And maybe this is going too fast for Tony because he reaches out and grabs Bucky by the hips and he's starting to wonder if this is going to turn into some sort of power play. Tony presses a kiss to Bucky's lips and he's not at all pleased when Bucky doesn't kiss back. He takes a step away, pushing Bucky's hands to his sides.

Bucky's hands are desperately searching for fabric to strip off his partner and Tony brings a hand to cup Bucky's stubbled jaw. "Bucky," Tony whispers in a gentle plea. They both realize this is the first time Tony has addressed him as such and they're both kind of wondering why. Tony decides that he'll sort all that out later. "Look at me," Tony pleads, and Buckydoes. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."


	14. Chapter 14

Bucky's gaze is elsewhere and his hands remain at his sides so Tony decides to try kissing again. Bucky is much more receptive this time, sighing through his nose when those familiar, thin lips pressed to his own. Tony thoroughly enjoys the way that Bucky tastes like whiskey and his arms slide around Bucky's waist to pull him closer. Even now, it's not close enough and Tony pulls him so they're completely pressed together, clothes and all.

A hand slides below its safe spot on Bucky's waist and fingers slip in his waistband to feel concealed skin. Tony can feel the hitch in Bucky's breath as a result and decides that he's tired of Bucky's lips. He pulls away with a soft pop and mouths at Bucky's jaw. And Bucky tries, he  _tries_  to hold back his whine but he can't because that's his sensitive spot and Tony knows it.

"There you go," Tony murmurs in a soft chuckle between kisses. When Bucky's hands come up to unbutton Tony's dress shirt they're much steadier and not as desperate, so Tony allows him the privilege of removing all together. He feels Bucky's metal hand slide between their bodies and reach up to touch the rim of Tony's exposed arc reactor and it's still something that Bucky can't get over.

Much to Bucky's dismay, Tony's lips leave his jaw and his hands reach down to pull Bucky's t-shirt over his head. He struggles to get it over his arms and when it musses Bucky's hair, Tony smiles fondly. The t-shirt lands on the floor and Tony's hands are back on Bucky's lean, muscled body, roaming over every dimple and crevice. For the first time Tony realizes that he knows Bucky's body as well as, if not better than, Steve's body.

Bucky pushes Tony back toward the bed and stops just before he falls onto the white sheets. He pops the button on Tony's slacks and unzips them with ease, drawing a stifled moan from Tony's lips when metallic fingers brush his clothed cock. Tony pauses to wonder if Bucky has plans of getting on his knees but he decides that maybe they should just get to the point. He wants it. He wants the closeness and not necessarily the foreplay right now. Tony's thankful when Bucky simply pushes his boxers from his hips without any indication of a blowjob.

For the moment Tony gives Bucky control and allows himself to be pushed into the bed. He watches as Bucky slips out of his black sweatpants and boxer briefs with finesse. His movements are so smooth and rehearsed and Tony can't resist the urge any longer. He reaches out for Bucky's hips and pulls him close, mouthing at his toned abdomen with gentle licks and soft swipes of his tongue. A hand slides into Tony's hair and metal fingers grip Tony's shoulder, drawing out a whimper from the shorter man. Bucky squeezes harder than he probably should because he knows, from experience, that he can leave marks this way. And he wants to mark Tony. He wants to mark him all over with bites and scratches and bruises because Tony is  _his_.

The thought of anyone else having Tony like this sets Bucky off. Without permission he steps forward and climbs onto Tony's lap, pushing him back until he's flat on his back. He leans over Tony's face and Tony wants to smile at the way Bucky's hair falls in his face, but he doesn't. Their eyes lock for a good twenty seconds until Tony realizes that Bucky's nostrils are flared with angry breaths. Fleshed fingers come up to trace Tony's jaw with intentions of some sort and it's not until Tony feels those fingers travel south that he realizes that those intentions are.

"Tell me you're mine," Bucky mutters through his tense jaw, putting a light amount of pressure on Tony's throat. His demand is a combination of a desperate plea and aching need. He needs to know that Tony is his. He needs to know that Tony won't leave him again. He has to know and Tony can't ever break that promise.

Tony knows that he won't never choke him. He just needs to be reassured. Tony knows Bucky has had his fair share of being fucked over so he doesn't even have to think about his reply. He pretends not to notice the slight wetness in Bucky's eyes when he looks into them. "I'm not going anywhere."

Bucky's hand doesn't leave Tony's throat, so Tony tentatively reaches up to set his hands on Bucky's very capable thighs. He strokes the skin with his fingertips, his blunt fingernails scratching them lightly. "Buck," Tony mutters again, and Bucky finally snaps out of it. He looks away as he tries to hide his face in shame but there's no need to because Tony understands. He knows what it is to lose control of emotions and feelings and doesn't hold any blame to Bucky whatsoever.

"You still want this?" Tony asks, and Bucky nods.

Tony pushes him to the side and scoots over to give his partner enough room to follow his command. He coos at Bucky to roll over onto his belly. When he does Tony reaches out to stroke his thigh and coaxes, "Hands and knees."

Tony knows what he and his mouth are capable of. He also knows that this is Bucky's favorite part of their times together. He loves the way Bucky opens up for him like this. This thing, this  _one thing_  undoes everything that Buvky Barnes is in a few short seconds.

Tony settles comfortably before Bucky's spread legs and presses kisses down the delicious dip of his back. Bucky knows where this is headed and he can't be more pleased. He can finally let go of the last bit of lingering anger when those familiar lips delve between the cheeks of his decadently spread cheeks.

Tony's breath is moist and warm against Bucky's skin as two calloused hands open him even more. He gives the pink hole a long swipe of his tongue, following up with multiple kisses to the sensitive flesh. That draws out a quiet moan from Bucky's lips. Tony grins and  _fuck_ , his mouth is so close that Bucky can feel Tony's smile between his cheeks. Bucky decides that he wants more so he presses back into Tony's touch until Tony's face is in nothing more than pressed against his ass.

"Eager," Tony chuckles.

Bucky is finally able to relax a little and drops his arms beneath his head. The movement brings his ass higher and the angle is better for Tony, who busies himself alternating between kissing and nibbling. Bucky feels Tony's hand snake between his thighs and cup him gently and then he has to moan.  _"Tony_."

Tony pulls back and snickers to himself because he has to. He loves it when his partners moan. He always has. But he loves it even more when they moan his name. He moves to press wet kisses over Bucky's ass cheeks, sucking lightly at the skin and then stopping with a soft pop to ask, "Do you have plans next week?"

"Can this wait?" Bucky retorts incredulously, glancing over his shoulder.

Tony lowers his mouth back to Bucky's cheek and bites lightly, still managing to lock eyes with the man beneath him from their current positions. "Fine," he mutters, sitting back on his knees. "Lube?"

Bucky moves to get the lube with a grunt, flipping around and draping his legs on either side of Tony. "Prep me?" he asks softly, offering the bottle to Tony who smirks in return.

"Thought you'd never ask."

* * *

"Where's the husband?" Natasha asks lightly as she and Steve are in the kitchen constructing mini pizzas.

Steve gives her a delayed glance and mutters a soft, "Excuse me?"

"You only ever ask me over when Tony's not here. Is he in a meeting or something?"

"Oh. Oh, yeah, he's-I don't know where he went, really." Steve squints at the green peppers and onions and decides that his pizza doesn't have enough cheese. "We had a pretty big fight, so I guess he decided to go get some air."

"You guys fight a lot, huh?" Natasha guesses. It's not really a guess, though; Natasha sort of just knows these things.

"Uh," Steve shrugs, crossing his arms and frowning at his pizza. "Yeah, I guess we do. We've been growing apart for a while now. Things keep getting worse and worse before we even have a chance to fix them. It's not just Tony. It's me, too. Some things happened the past few months and I'm not sure if trying to fix our problems would even be the best choice, you know?"

Natasha nods and takes Steve's pizza along with her own, sliding them into the oven.

Steve spins around so he's facing Natasha and leaning against the counter with crossed arms. He really wants her to know what's going on because he really needs someone to talk to about it, but he isn't entirely comfortable with her knowing all of the details. At least, not yet.

"I had all these plans for us. I thought we'd get married and in a few years maybe adopt a couple of kids or something."

Natasha smiles fondly. "I didn't know you wanted kids."

"It was an idea," Steve says. He's not sure if he's trying to downplay it for his own sake or for the sake of Natasha knowing all of these ridiculous plans he had. "That's what we were fighting about earlier, actually."

"Would you want to stay married to Stark if he didn't want kids but was willing to work on the problems between the two of you?"

Steve shrugs a little. He's always wanted kids, but right now he wants nothing more than to fix this mess between himself and Tony. Kids are fun, but having a husband who loves you is worth more, Steve thinks.

"I would love to stay married and fix our problems. I just don't know how realistic that is," Steve says with a sigh.

* * *

Bucky decides that he's definitely missed this. He's missed having Tony buried deep inside of him. He's missed his long legs draped over Tony's sides, the muffled slapping sound when they fuck, and the wetness between their bodies is an all new level of arousal for Bucky. He's pulling Tony closer to kiss him, his right hand wrapped around his own hard cock as metal fingers claw and scrape at Tony's back. Bucky is close and he's muttering incoherently to himself as muffled whimpers leave his mouth.

Tony's hand slips between their slick torsos, joining Bucky's own hand in his efforts to get off. With a few effortless strokes Bucky is coming, metal fingers pressing into the soft skin of Tony's back hard enough to bruise the skin as a string of Russian expletives fall from his lips.

Tony comes shortly after Bucky has lost all stamina and he's sort of just  _there_  on the bed, spread out and limp in the afterglow.

"Are you gonna leave?" he asks quietly as Tony shifts on the mattress.

Tony turns to look at him and, doing so, gives him a half-smile as he shakes his head. "Anyway, what are you doing next week?"

"Sitting around the apartment, I guess. I don't-"

"You're coming to Mali with me," Tony says decidedly. "I'm leaving the 26th. Steve's hanging back here. We decided to let things lay for a while."

"What the hell am I going to do in California?" Bucky chuckles. He's got a pretty good idea of what they're gonna do.


	15. Chapter 15

Bucky is actually surprised when he wakes up Christmas Eve morning and Tony is still in his bed. He glances outside to see that the weather is gray and snowy, but it doesn't really bother him. He declines the idea of getting out of bed yet, but he can't fall back asleep because he begins to think about why Tony is still here, why he even still wants him. He wonders why Tony's bringing him to Malibu but he doesn't think about it too long because Tony stirs next to him. He rolls onto his back and turns his head, giving Bucky a small smile.

"Hey."

"Surprised you're still here," Bucky says in all honesty. He didn't think Tony would exactly sneak out during the night. Tony's a forward guy and if he wants to leave, he doesn't have to be secretive about it.

Tony sighs in contentment and pulls the scratchy comforter further around his body. "Yeah. Imagine, though: Tony Stark caught sneaking out of Bucky Barnes's apartment."

"Oh, god. Okay, I've wanted to tell you this for a long time. Don't—don't call me Bucky. It's fuckin' weird."

Tony snorts. "What the hell am I supposed to call you?"

"James?" he supplies.

"I knew this Russian guy. He went by Sasha, short for Aleksandr."

"You're not—you're not going to call me Sasha."

"Definitely gonna start calling you Sasha," Tony chuckles, rolling over onto his side. The corners of his lips tug up and he's smirking and Sasha—no, James—no,  _Bucky_  smirks as well.

"What?"

"I gotta go," Tony says quietly. "I can't leave Steve alone today. I'm an ass, but I'm not sure if I'm  _that_  huge of an ass."

Bucky groans because he knows that was coming, but he's not as upset as he could be because Tony's dragging him out to Malibu for God only knows how long. He hums softly when Tony rolls over to kiss him and he has half a mind to pull Tony closer and pin him on the bed. He doesn't, though. Tony slides out of bed and Bucky falls back asleep to the sound of his running shower.

* * *

Steve is on the couch with a cup of coffee when Tony walks into his sight. He's surprised to see him to say the least.

"Hi," Tony says simply, offering him a small smile.

Steve doesn't want to fight on Christmas Eve so he returns the smile. "Hey. You want a cup of coffee?"

Tony shrugs out of his coat, humming. "I wouldn't mind one."

Steve leaves his cup on the coffee table, leaving momentarily and returning with a steaming cup of coffee just the way Tony likes it.

"You're still planning on going to Malibu the day after tomorrow?" Steve asks quietly as he settles back down on the couch with his coffee in his lap.

"Yeah. I think we need the time apart. You never know; it could do us some good. I'm not saying time apart would fix everything, but I hope that time apart can help us both reflect on some stuff," Tony shrugs. He runs a nervous hand through his hair. "I know we agreed no presents this year but I—um, did you find the chocolates I left in the—?"

"I found them," Steve says softly, smiling into his coffee mug slightly as he takes a sip. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Hey, are you... do you wanna go back to bed?" Tony asks bluntly, because Tony doesn't really know how to be any other way. Part of him just wants to get lost and not think about all of things that have happened, and part of him wants to see if he and Steve still have any chemistry.

"I'm—sure, if that's—if you want to," Steve shrugs. He kicks himself because he definitely sounds too excited.

Tony finishes his cup of coffee and sets it on the table, standing up and offering his hand to Steve. "Let's go."

* * *

Tony concludes that there is very little chemistry left between himself and his husband. The sex is awkward and they're bumbling like it's their first time. Tony tries his best to keep things normal but Steve isn't helping because he's insisting that they do it missionary, which is Tony's least favorite position. At least, it's his least favorite position  _with Steve_.

It's blatantly obvious that Tony isn't remotely interested anymore. He can't even make himself come. Steve doing his best to keep Tony entertained but failing miserably. He manages to reach climax but Tony doesn't. Tony fakes it with a groan so he can just be done already, falling off to the side.

* * *

Around noon James—no,  _Bucky_ —receives a text from Tony to get his things packed because he's flying early. Bucky shrugs because he doesn't really have anything else to do, so he packs a bag of clothes and follows the instructions he receives.

* * *

Within minutes of stepping off the jet Bucky decides that he hates California. It's sunny not at all like New York. Tony's mansion is, well,  _a mansion_  and the amount of glass makes him uncomfortable. He sighs and goes to see that the fridge has been fully stocked, grabbing a beer and settling on the sofa because it's going to be a long two days of a wait.

* * *

Over the next two days Bucky makes himself comfortable. He looks through every nook and cranny of the place, coming to the conclusion that Tony rarely brings Steve here. There are a few traces of him, but not too many, and Bucky finds that very comforting.

Tony's flight comes in after dark on the 26th and he wastes no time finding Bucky in the master bedroom. After several heated kisses Tony retrieves a box from under the bed and tosses it to his lover.

"Put this on," Tony instructs.

Bucky flips back the lid of the box to find black lingerie. Okay, so it's not an  _entire set_  of lingerie, but it's stockings, a garter belt and  _lace fucking panties_.

"I don't want—"

" _Sasha_ ," Tony coos, and he's totally fucking grinning.

Bucky rolls his eyes and threatens, "If you call me that again I'm not going to wear this." He climbs off the bed and heads to the bathroom.

By the time Bucky returns Tony is naked, his half-erect cock in his hand as he eyes Bucky because he looks  _stunning._ Tony didn't think his legs could look any longer or leaner, but they do, and Tony is  _thrilled._

"Oh. Oh, you look  _fantastic_. Come here," he says, making grabby hands and he smiles even wider when Bucky's small hips are in his grasp.

Bucky feels like playing games so he leans in to whisper in Tony's ear, nipping lightly at his jaw. "I wanna christen every fucking room of this place," he breathes. Tony promptly grabs Bucky by the arm and drags him to the living room.

* * *

They're both so wet. They're so, _so_  wet and slick with sweat and Bucky is on Tony's lap with his arms locked around his neck, moaning every time Tony's cock thrusts into him. They're both so high right now and Tony's pawing at Bucky's erect nipples and everything is just  _so good_.

Tony pulls Bucky by his hips so their bellies are flush together and Bucky's dick is penned between their bodies and it's so good that Bucky's eyes are wet with tears. He opens them momentarily and catches his own reflection in the large window behind the couch they're on. His lips are so, so red and his cheeks flushed and his eyes are glossed over. He doesn't even look like himself anymore. He's transfixed by the image and he can't look away. He wants to see himself; he wants to see how good he looks when Tony fucks him.

He's close; he knows that. Tony's hands slide down to his thighs and he's stroking them through the silky stockings. Bucky reaches for his cock, his eyes locked on his own reflection, and he draws moans out of himself by his own actions.

Tony's whispering now and that's what finally pushes him over the edge. "That's right, come on, come for me, baby," he coaxes, and Bucky  _does_. He lets out a low moan that echoes throughout the entire mansion and he catches a glimpse of his face when he comes. He throws his head back, his lips parted and he feels Tony spill inside of him. They're both heaving and exhausted and Bucky rests his head on top of Tony's, slowly coming down from what's surely the best high he's ever had.

 


	16. Chapter 16

Bucky's chest is heaving, eyes glistening with fresh tears from the mind numbing orgasm he's just had. He stays settled against Tony, shaking thighs holding snugly to Tony's hips to keep him close. "Holy fuck," he manages through his swollen lips, raking a hand through Tony's hair. He rests there, coming down from his high with half-lidded eyes and shaking hands. He feels his pulse in his softening cock and he can't find the will to care about the semen strewn across his chest and belly. "Jesus, that was good," he mutters.

"Oh, but isn't it always?" Tony muses with a crooked smile. He nudges lightly at his lover's haw, stroking his slightly quivering thighs through the silky stockings. He notices the tears in Bucky's eyes derived from the intense pleasure but opts not to address them as he sighs out in sheer contentment. He shifts Bucky on his lap and murmurs, "It's always so good for us." He briefly thinks about when he and Steve just started dating. In the beginning sex with Steve was good, but not this good. Never  _this good_.

Trembling, Bucky nods and concurs, "Yeah, it's always good." His chest is heaving as he still reclaimed his breath, gripping Tony's hair loosely and enjoying the dampness of them between his fingers. He sighs gently, "So fucking good. Shit, I'm still shaking," he murmurs.

"Yeah, I noticed." Tony turns his head and brings their lips together for a brief meeting, pulling back with a soft pop. He wraps his arms around his partner and holds him tightly, as if they could be any closer, and gives Steve a fleeting thought. Tony suddenly remembers that Steve will be spending New Year's alone in the tower. Tony doesn't want to think about that, though. In attempt to distract himself, he says, as an afterthought, "And it's only the first night."

Bucky returns the kiss and settles against Tony, rubbing his hand over Tony's shoulder blades. "I'm going to be so sore, you have no idea." He chuckles after he speaks, so Tony knows that he's already forgiven for something that hasn't happened yet.

"Oh, but it'll be worth it. And if you're nice maybe I'll let you top once," he chuckles. Tony raises a hand and places it over the metal touching his skin. "I could make you a new one, you know. A better one," he mutters, referring to the bionic arm.

"I don't mind it, really. I've gotten used to it." Bucky is half asleep. His blue eyes and judgment are both clouded. He smiles somewhat sheepishly. The words sit heavy and unspoken in his mouth and he looks away, sure to never speak them aloud. He doesn't know what he and Tony are. He probably shouldn't even risk saying them, but before he can stop himself they come out in a barely there whisper mouthed against Tony's neck, "I love you."

Upon hearing the utterance—three words, eight letters—Tony looks away. "Buck," he whispers in return. Tony isn't really one to say I love you's. Of course he may feel the same way, but he can't say it back. He thinks the Cartier watch is 'I love you' enough.

"I know," he sighs, sitting up. "Listen, I'm gonna shower." Bucky removes his expensive watch on, sets it on the coffee table and stands up. He's suddenly self-conscious, wandering around in these stupid stockings. As he gets in the bathroom he strips them, throwing them as far away as he can. He shakes his head and turns the water on far too hot. He leans against his metal arm with a sigh, letting the water run down his back and wash his tired skin.

It takes Tony approximately 3 minutes of staring at the expensive timepiece for him to realize that he's fucked up. He purses his lips and stands, walking into the bathroom. He steps into the large shower stall without invitation and wraps his arms around Bucky from behind. "This is hard for me," he explains. "You've gotta understand. Saying 'I love you' has never been easy for me."

Bucky is still leaning against the wall, not seeming to care that Tony is trying to cozy up with him. "I know; I get it. It's okay, Tony. I know you have Steve and this—well, this is just—" he clears his throat and shrugs. "I get it, I promise. No worries."

Tony takes him gently by the shoulders and spins him around so they're facing each other. "No, I don't have Steve. I chose you. The moment I showed up at your apartment with that Cartier watch, I chose you. It's you and me now and it'll be hard for me, but I want this; I do. And I'm gonna screw up, and I won't hold hands with you in public, but you've gotta know that you're important to me."

Bucky sighs and glances up. "I hear you. I get it, but if you don't mind I'd really like to wash this jizz off me, okay? Gimme a minute." He pecks Tony's lips before grabbing the loofa, scrubbing at his chest and stomach as he steps back from Tony.

Tony sighs softly. "You've gotta know that I want you. I want to end things with Steve. I just don't know when. For Christ's sake, look at me. Please," he nearly whines. "I don't beg. I'm not a beggar, but I'm begging just for you. Look at me and hear me out."

Bucky doesn't look up and continues to rub at the semen that coats his skin. He shakes his head and looks away. He opens his mouth to say something but instead lifts Tony's hand and shows him the ring that still binds him to Steve. He looks away, his wide blue eyes a mess of emotions. His bionic hand is touching Tony, the flesh one held against his stomach.

Tony groans and holds his hands up defensively. "Fine," he murmurs. He briefly thinks about offering Bucky aid but decides against it and keeps his hands to himself. He waits patiently, admiring the way Bucky's muscles ripple under his skin with his every movement.

Bucky washes his back and chest, eventually sighing at Tony. "I just wanted some time to myself. I'm not gonna go running for the hills because you can't say you love me. I just wanted to wash up." He shampoos his hair briefly before stepping out, wrapping a towel around his waist as he goes to brush his teeth.

Tony steps out as well, not bothering to towel off as he reaches for the robe that hangs next to the towel bar. "I'll go down to the lab, give you all the time you need." Tony tries to hide any hint of emotion from his voice but fails as soon as he walks out of the bathroom.

Bucky groans and spits into the sink, tossing his toothbrush back onto the counter. "Tony!" he calls and Tony's head pokes around the corner of the bathroom door. "I'm sorry. Can we just—? Can we go to bed?"

Tony nods because he wants nothing more than to curl up in bed with Bucky. They go their separate ways for a few minutes before meeting in the bed. They take their usual positions: Tony curled behind Bucky, an arm draped over his hip, and nose buried in the back of his wet hair.

* * *

When Bucky wakes the next morning he has to piss and as he attempts to get out of bed, Tony whines softly in protest, reaching out to grasp his lover and pull him back into the warm nest they've created. "Nooo, not yet," he mumbles sleepily.

"I have to piss." Bucky gently pushes at Tony's hands. He swallows softly and attempts to get Tony to let him go pee before he ends up going in the bed. Tony relents and lets go, rolling onto his back and waiting impatiently for Bucky to return, trying not to think about Steve being alone in New York.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Bucky says when he slides back into bed and makes himself comfortable on top of Tony's torso.

"I have to ask you something," Tony replies, kissing his forehead. He's been dreading the question for a while, but more recently it's been bothering him. He feels that if they're going to do this they should put all the cards on the table. "Do you feel bad for messing around with me? I mean, Steve's your best friend, so—"

Bucky frowns. "Of course I do. I loved Steve; I really did. For a long time. Not so much anymore. I hate doing this to him, but I care about you." Bucky closes his eyes and moves away from Tony. This trip is supposed to bring them closer. It's supposed to be about them, but Steve keeps coming up.

"I'm sorry, okay? Sorry I asked," Tony groans. "I'm afraid that when I ask for a divorce you'll get caught in the crossfire, and that's the last thing I want."

Bucky understands. He really does, but they're supposed to be having a good time. He sits up lazily, rubbing his slightly aroused cock. It's nothing he can help. He always seems to wake up like this regardless if Tony is around.

Tony notices and desperately wants to clear the air between them. He rolls over on top of Bucky and pushes his knee between Bucky's thighs. "I'm fairly convinced that we're gonna spend this entire vacation in bed," he grins, leaning down to kiss him softly.

Bucky grunts at the pleasure. "We can just let it die—mmm," he whimpers and rocks against his knee. His metal hand grips Tony's shoulder hard, just like he likes it, and his flesh hand tangles in Tony's hair. "Feeling powerful?"

"Not particularly, why?" Tony dips his head again, pressing wet kisses from Bucky's ear down his neck, sucking lightly in between as he moves his knee.

"Mmm, 'cause I want you to fuck me up again." He lets his head fall back, allowing Tony to do what he wants to. He's always trusted Tony; he loves Tony and knows he'll be well taken care of for the rest of his life. He exhales in a contented sigh and nuzzles lightly at Tony's jaw.

Tony thinks for a minute. "Okay. Only if you'll do something for me in return." He hops up momentarily, going to grab a box from the dresser drawer. He tosses it to Bucky when he climbs back into bed. "You have to wear these."

Bucky opens the box to find a pair of black lace panties (complete with a little bow) and matching stockings. He laughs but goes about wrestling them on, long legs stuck up in toward the ceiling as he pulls the stockings on first. He situates his hard, achy cock into the satin panties. When he's done, he smoothes the stockings over his impossibly long legs, getting them into place and running his hands over the satin underwear. "Okay, they're on. You just keep these things everywhere, don't you?"

Tony smiles and steals a kiss. "Maybe I had them ordered especially for this trip," he laughs. His cock twitches with interest just at the sight and he moans. "How the fuck are you so gorgeous? He pushes Bucky onto his back and runs a hand down his side. "You drive me crazy."

"How many sets? More than these, I'm sure." He chuckles, his cock straining beneath the fabric as he grins. "I do it just for you actually, just to make you happy."

"And you so willingly put up with it. How could I ever repay you?" Tony rewards him with a hand cupping his cock and soft kisses at the nape of his neck. "Tell me what you want," he purrs.

"Mmm, that's just what I wanted to hear." Bucky's cock seems to swell and jerk slightly. His head falls back against the pillow and he moans. "I want you to fuck me up. I want it, Tony, please."

"Well, I'd much rather go slow, but I'm happy to oblige you." Tony moves aside. "Hands and knees, baby. Face down, ass up."

"I thought you liked being rough because Steve wouldn't let you," he frowns. He surely doesn't want to force Tony to do something if he's not entirely in the mood. That would ruin the experience for both of them. "We don't have to have sex right now..."

Tony silences him with a harsh slap across his ass. "Did I tell you to talk?" he snaps, trying his best to hide a smirk. "Spread your legs like the whore you are."

"Oh, fuck!" he whimpers happily as he spreads his thighs, trembling with want and devotion. His face is buried in the pillow soaked with Tony's scent.

Tony's hands travel upward, slipping through the leg holes to cup Bucky's ass cheeks. His hands then slip downward over the stockings, petting the smooth fabric of them rhythmically. He leans down and breathes hot, heavy breaths against the panties.

The teasing is already too much for Bucky to tolerate. "Tony, please," he gasps, wanting the Tony who hit him and fucked him hard into the carpet, not the one who is hesitant and teasing and slow.

"Please what?" Tony coaxes, stroking his thighs.

He frowns. "If you're not gonna fuck me up, forget it. I'll just blow you or jerk you if you want off. I don't wanna go slow right now." He sighs, getting up and turning around so he's facing Tony.

Tony stares at him for a moment, clearly upset and a maybe even little hurt. "It's nine in the morning and I just woke up. Excuse me if I don't wanna jump your ass right away." Tony stands up and retrieves a pair of boxers, slipping them on. "If you want off you can fuck yourself," he mumbles

Bucky realizes that he needs to fix this quickly. He scrambles to his feet and wraps his arms around Tony, tugging him back against his chest. "I'm sorry," he murmurs, tucking his head against Tony's shoulder. "How about I make breakfast?

Tony sighs but leans into his touch, closing his eyes, and Bucky can tell something more is bothering Tony by his tense muscles. "That's—breakfast sounds good."

"What's wrong?" Bucky presses. "Are you upset because I don't want vanilla sex right now? We can have tender sex if you want." He kisses Tony's neck, weakly, trying to make things okay again. "You can rim me and I'll keep the stockings on," he offers temptingly. "I know how much you love that."

"No. As much as I'd love to, it's not that," Tony admits, pulling away and turning to face Bucky. "It's just—I've been thinking about everything. I'm going to have to go through this divorce, deal with the stress and publicity of it... I really want everything to be over already."

Bucky nods. "I get it if you're not in the mood. C'mon, I'll cook something."

"No! No, of course I wanna have sex with you. I want you," Tony insists. "I'm just overwhelmed thinking about everything. We can fuck after breakfast," he promises, giving him a soft kiss as they depart for the kitchen.


	17. Chapter 17

Bucky is standing at the sink sort of in a daze when Tony presses up against him. He hums at the kisses placed on the side of his neck and smiles lazily. He's definitely not expecting it when Tony's hand slides into his lace panties and cups his dick, giving it a gentle squeeze. He slips out of Tony's grasp, turning to smirk at him. "Not so fast."

"But we agreed to fuck after breakfast."

"I never agreed to anything. You're the one who promised," Bucky reminds him. "But now I'm having second thoughts."

"About what?"

"You can't fuck me until we go out to dinner. No—you can't even  _touch me_  until we do."

Tony lets out an annoyed sigh, frowning with his best attempt at looking like a saddened puppy. "That's not fair."

"How is it not fair?"

"You  _know_  it's a bad idea to go out together. You know what could happen."

Bucky rolls his eyes and wonders how long Tony is going to hang on to his crumbling marriage. "You should just—why can't you just tell Steve it's over? Doing this is only making things harder for all of us."

"How is this hard for you, exactly?"

Bucky opens his mouth briefly but decides not to say anything. He heads for the bar because he definitely needs a drink.

"I'm serious," Tony clarifies, following him. He plucks the bottle of whiskey from Bucky's grip and sets it back on the bar. "How is this hard for you?"

"Shit, Tony, I don't know!" he remarks sarcastically. "I have to sneak around with the one person I never, in my entire fucking  _life_ , thought I would ever even care about. And that person happens to be my friend's husband. What the hell am I supposed to do with that, huh? Tell me. Because I don't fuckin' know."

"Okay," Tony replies meekly. "I understand how that can be hard."

Bucky reaches down to pop the elastic at the top of his thigh high stockings. "I feel fucking stupid wearing these outside of the bedroom but I do it for you because you're into it. You can't say you love me, and you don't want to be seen with me at all. I feel like a cheap fuck. Are you ever going to leave Steve or are you waiting for him to leave you? Because I don't think he ever will. Steve doesn't quit. If you want out of your marriage you're gonna have to do it yourself."

"You feel stupid wearing those?" Tony asks, gesturing to the stockings.

Bucky groans, shaking his head. "Forget about the stockings. Just answer my question: are you ever gonna leave him?"

"Yes. Right now isn't the right time and when he does find out I want it to come from me and not some fucking tabloid site on the internet."

Bucky crosses his arms and looks away. "You treat me like a cheap fuck and it's getting old."

"Buck," Tony mutters. Making Bucky feel like a cheap fuck is the absolute last thing Tony ever intends to do. He cares about him. Really, he does, but Steve is getting in the way of that. "You know—you've gotta know that you're the most important thing to me. And a cheap fuck is the furthest thing from what you are; from what you mean to me. I chose you. Months ago, I chose you. Steve and I are over. Fuck, we were over before you even set foot in the tower." Tony sighs heavily because although he feels like a prick, he's glad to get that off his chest.

"You mean—?" he asks quietly. He's always wondering about whether or not he's the cause of their problems. Steve makes him feel that way sometimes.

"It's not your fault. We were over a long time ago," Tony mutters, looking up at Bucky. "A threesome was kind of a last-ditch effort to save our relationship. That backfired like a son of a bitch."

Bucky emits a snuffled laugh. "I guess it did."

Tony stares at him for a short moment. "You need to take those off," he says, pointing to the lace panties that Bucky is sporting. "Or rather, let me," he says, stepping forward.

Bucky takes a step back. "Nope. Not until we go out for food."

"I swear to you we'll go tonight. Just please," Tony nearly whines. "God, just let me worship you for, like, thirty seconds."

"No. I'm gonna go take an actual shower and wash my hair. You could use one, too."

"What am I supposed to do until we get home from dinner?"

"Go play in the lab or something."

* * *

Tony decides not to go to the lab. He decides, instead, to pull on a pair of sweat pants and a tank top and wait for Bucky to get out of the shower. By the time Bucky emerges, Tony is settled down in front of the TV and Tony gives him a genuine smile.

"Sit with me," Tony says quietly. Bucky does, and breaks his own rule of not being touched by Tony until they go out to dinner. Tony just looks so comforting and Bucky knows from experience that he is entirely comfortable to sleep on. Therefore, he sprawls out on the couch with his head in Tony's lap.

"You should wear these more often," Bucky observes, plucking at Tony's tank top. "They make your arms look good."

Tony hums, shrugging. "You should wear nothing more often. It makes your ass look good."

"Okay," Bucky replies, resisting the urge to smile.

"So, you like it here?"

"No," he snorts. "I fucking hate this weather. It's too hot. It's too sunny."

"I was gonna stay you should stay here while I go back to New York and settle things."

"I don't wanna stay here."

"Look, we'll talk about this later. Shut up," Tony demands, closing his eyes and allowing his head to fall back.

Bucky complies, closing his eyes as well when Tony's fingers tangle in his hair.

* * *

Bucky tries not to roll his eyes when they climb out of Tony's car at the dilapidated-looking diner. The entire point of going to the shitty diner is the fact that they're trying to be inconspicuous. And the fact that Tony Stark's Audi is parked next to a shitty purple Scion is not helping matters.

"Have you been here before?" Bucky asks as they head for the door.

He nods. "Place looks like shit, but the burgers are amazing."

* * *

Halfway through the "date" of sorts, Bucky puts his burger down and stares across the table. "This is really good."

"I know." Bucky is certain Tony is already claiming his prize.

"To be honest I didn't think you'd go through with it."

Tony smirks and shrugs a shoulder. "Well, the prize was easily attainable and highly sought after, so."

Bucky rolls his eyes and totally contemplates breaking his beer bottle against Tony's head. Instead, he just looks at him blankly. "Now I'm a prize?"

"Oh my god," Tony mutters.

"You think I'm serious. That's funny."

"Would you just eat so we can go home?"

* * *

It's kind of impulsive, but they don't go home immediately. They drive down to the beach and have a totally intense make out session in Tony's car like horny teenagers. When they do reach the house, they can't even make it to the bedroom before Tony's hands begin to wander. When they're inside Bucky flops back on the bed, sighing out. He should be surprised when Tony approaches him, crawling onto the bed and hovering above him on all fours, but he's not.

Tony gives him the smallest smile, reaching up to brush a long piece of hair away from Bucky's face. Tony's palm cups his cheek and before Tony's got time to react, Bucky turns his head to kiss his palm. "Do you love me?" he asks softly.

Tony swallows and looks to the side briefly. "Bucky," he groans.

"I told you not to call me that."

Tony looks down at him directly. "It slipped."

Bucky's nostrils flare and he reaches up, slapping Tony's cheek. "It slipped," he shrugs.

"I don't want to fight. I want my prize," he whines, running his fingers down the metallic arm beneath him. "I want you."

So it's not 'I love you' but it's better than nothing. And judging by the expression on Tony's face he really does mean it. Bucky reaches up and brings Tony's face down to his own, kissing him softly. He's surprised when Tony returns the kiss with the same amount of patience.

* * *

An hour later, Bucky's head is resting comfortably against Tony's shoulder, his hair pushed back from his face and he isn't suspecting to hear the words that Tony says.

"I think you're gonna be good for me."

"What?" Bucky has to ask. He props himself up on his elbow, staring down at the man beneath him. "What the hell are you talking about? I'm—I'm not good. Steve would be good for you."

Tony shakes his head. "Steve isn't good for me. You're good for me. We're compatible—"

"We have good sex. That's it; we're amazing fuck partners."

"No we aren't," Tony frowns. "I mean, we are, but let's be honest; that's about ninety-five percent me."

"That's not fair and you know it. Maybe it's ninety-five percent you when you're with Steve. But with us I'd say it's an equal fifty-fifty. We have amazing chemistry and you can't deny that."

"That's beside the point. What I'm saying is that I think I can be myself around you and you'll put up with it, because you're okay with it, and you don't care about trying to make me do things that I don't want to do. You're not controlling like Steve is."

"Right," Bucky agrees. "But I'm not going to go grocery shopping like Steve does. Or cook, or do any of that shit."

"Which leaves more time for you to sit around looking beautiful for me," Tony grins triumphantly.

"Natasha's gonna kill us both, you know," Bucky mutters.

"What's she gonna do to you? Scream at you in Russian? It's not your fault we're getting divorced."

"Did Tony Stark just admit he's guilty? I'll be damned."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Make me."

Tony is far too tired to accept  _that_  challenge. So instead, he sighs heavily. "I'm going home next week to talk to Steve."

"Why next week?" Bucky frowns. He's been hoping that they'll have at least another month together before Tony leaves.

"Because I can't keep doing this," Tony sighs. "And I want out of that marriage. Now."

 


	18. Chapter 18

"You don't have to go," Bucky whispers, followed by a soft gasp as Tony sucks lightly at the sensitive spot below Bucky's ear, his fingers reaching up to tangle in his hair.

"Yes I do," Tony pants softly, giving his lover a nudge followed by a line of kisses down his neck. He finally sits up and slides down Bucky's thighs, palms pressed flat against his belly. "God, c'mon. We've talked about this. We're supposed to be having fun. Arguing about me leaving isn't fun."

"Having you to myself is fun," Bucky mumbles. "We can just stay here forever and maybe Steve would get the hint."

"Why are you suddenly against him?"

"I'm not against him."

Tony doesn't resist the urge to roll his eyes as he falls to the side of his lover, sprawling out on the bed beside him. "I should just leave."

"No, I'm—I'm sorry," Bucky sighs as he rolls onto his side. He makes it a point to slide a knee between Tony's thighs. "I'm sorry. Come on."

* * *

"Oh fuck, right  _there,_ " Bucky groans, his fingers clenching Tony's shoulders tightly. His heels dig into the dip of Tony's back and neither of them are expecting Tony's phone to ring. The first time it rings, they both ignore it, but a second call comes in immediately after the first stops.

"You're not answering that," Bucky says, reaching for Tony's outstretched arm.

Tony manages to grab the phone anyway and glances at the screen. "Shit."

"Who is it?"

"It's Steve, I have to—"

"No, you don't! Give me the phone," Bucky insists with a groan. "Call him back when we're done."

Tony gives Bucky an apologetic look before answering the phone. He should really think it through, though, because Bucky pushes Tony away from him so hard that Tony falls off the side of the bed.

"Hello?" Tony finally answers, climbing to his feet.

"Have you been drinking?" Steve asks curiously, noticing that Tony doesn't exactly sound like himself.

"No, I just—well, yeah. I may have stayed up all night," he lies with a shrug.

"I was just making sure you're still scheduled to come back today."

"It's my jet; I'm scheduled to come back whenever I want to."

"Right," Steve replies quietly. "I just thought I'd have something cooked when you got here. Well, just let me know what your plans are. Send me a text or something."

"I will. Bye, Steve." Tony tosses his phone onto the unmade bed and scrubs his hands over his face. He figures he should go after Bucky and he does, finding him at the bar clutching a tumbler of whiskey.

"Oh, shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear it."

Tony blinks furiously. "I didn't say anything."

"You answered your phone when we were fucking!"

"Christ, it's not that big of a deal!"

"You were still inside of me! It's a big fuckin' deal, Tony."

Tony doesn't want to, but he feels like they should probably discuss what the problem is. "Why are you so pissed?"

"I just  _told you_. The past week you've only been talking about how much you need to get out of your marriage. And then Steve calls  _while we're fucking_ and you answer it!"

"Yes, I know. I was there." Tony replies with just a peppering of snark.

"Unbelievable," Bucky mutters, taking a sip of his whiskey.

"Anything else wrong?"

"I don't want you to leave. I want you go to get your shit squared away, but I don't want to be alone again."

Tony steps forward one more time, gently pulling the glass from Bucky's grasp. "What's a few more months, right?"

"You think it'll be that quick? I mean, what's gonna happen? Is Steve even gonna want to go through with it?"

"If he does agree, the worst that'll happen is he'll get half of everything. And I'll get you."

Bucky showcases a hint of a frown as he nods, clearing his throat. "Maybe we shouldn't finish."

"Probably not." The corner of Tony's mouth pulls up just a little. "C'mon. I'll fly you home."

* * *

"Come here," Tony whispers, pulling Bucky closer to kiss him thoroughly on the mouth before they leave the jet.

Bucky hums softly as he returns the kiss, breaking it only to reach for his duffle bag. "I love you."

"I know." Tony grabs his hips and kisses him again, this time a little more desperately, but Bucky pulls away before the kiss can progress.

* * *

When the elevator opens on the proper floor, Tony notices that there's a very distinct smell wafting through the air. He strips his jacket and tosses it to the nearest surface before walking to find Steve in the kitchen.

"Hey," Tony says simply. "Smells good."

Steve glances over his shoulder, and it's pretty evident that he's been crying, but he gives his husband a weak smile. "I'm making chili. How was the flight?"

"Fine." Tony sits at the bar and watches Steve's back as he stirs the chili and adds some sort of spice—maybe garlic powder—before turning his back to the pot.

"You managed to take care of yourself the past two weeks?" the blond asks in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood.

"I managed to survive without you or Pepper reminding me to sleep and eat. How about you? How was your New Year's?"

"It was fun, actually," Steve says with a small smile. "Clint and Natasha came over. We played Scrabble."

"You're the only person who thinks playing Scrabble is fun."

"Anyway," Steve sighs softly. "I did some thinking while you were gone. I know we've both got our issues, but I think we should try marriage counseling."

Tony's not sure if he's ever been so caught off guard before. He's certain that Steve would be in favor of divorce. They've been fighting far too long for things to ever be okay again. Sure, they've had moments in the past months that have been good, but it's certainly not what a marriage ever should be. For Tony, there's no light, and he's certainly not very interested in trying to mend something so completely broken.

"Steve, I've been home for ten minutes and you drop this on me?"

Steve spins around to turn off the chili because he knows that this isn't going to be a quick argument. "Drop  _what_  on you? I thought you would be okay with the idea of trying to restore our marriage. Am I wrong in assuming that?"

"No, but—"

"But what, Tony?"

Tony looks into Steve's eyes for no longer than half a second and he can't go through with it. Instead of declining Steve's offer for counseling he asks, "Have you been crying?"

Steve suddenly finds his sock clad feet more interesting than making eye contact with Tony. "If you know the answer is 'yes,' why are you even asking me?"

"Because I wanted an excuse to ask you why."

"Tony, you're my husband!" Steve responds, and he doesn't sound nearly as harsh as he means to. "You don't have to have an excuse to ask me why I've been crying! Look at us! This is why I've been crying," he stresses, gesturing between himself and the shorter man. "I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

Tony's expression softens, "Steve…"

"I do," he insists, and he's trying to hold back the tears that threaten to fall. He's talking so erratically that Tony is having trouble keeping up. "When did we become this couple who fights about anything and everything? I can't even remember the last time we had a civil conversation that lasted longer than five minutes! I thought—I thought having Bucky around would help, but it really didn't. It only made things worse and the sex—the sex is just  _awful_."

"The sex is awful," Tony agrees quietly. "But Steve, all of those other things are problems that normal people have. All couples fight. If they don't, that means there's something wrong."

"I just—I want to go to counseling."

"Steve, I don't know if our relationship is ready for marriage counseling. I don't exactly like the idea of a shrink prying into our private lives."

"Well, I don't know what else to do! So, tell me, because I'm not ready to give up on us. Are you?"

In hindsight Tony is going to wish he'd be more honest. But right now, in this moment, he can't look at Steve and ask for a divorce. At least, not yet.

"No," Tony sighs. "We can try counseling."


	19. Chapter 19

To save himself the trouble of any further argument, Tony decides not to sleep in his and Steve's bedroom. Steve isn't happy about it, but he decides that it could be worse; Tony could be spending the night out of the tower altogether. Even if they're not in the same bed, at least they're under the same roof.

The first few days are awkward, but by the fourth day of Tony being home Tony has established that the kitchen and living room are neutral areas. Steve mainly hovers around the bedroom and upper floors, and Tony lives in the lab. They don't go out of their perspective boundaries unless it's to venture into one of the neutral areas. That is, until Steve is tired of Tony's ridiculousness and insists on going down to the lab to bring him dinner.

Tony is actually awake, which is surprising, because Steve's not sure the last time he's slept. He bites his tongue and is determined not to start an argument over Tony's whacked sleeping schedule. Instead, he sets the plate of spaghetti in front of him. "Tony?"

"Hm?"

"I've been looking online at some of those marriage counselor testimonials. I think I found someone who could really help."

"Where is it and what time do I have to be there?" Tony almost sighs, but looks up in time to lock eyes with his husband and decides against it.

"I'll leave the address and time on your bedside table."

"But I'm banned from the bedroom."

"You  _what_?"

"Isn't that—? That's the arrangement, isn't it?"

Steve's eyebrows furrow and he looks utterly confused. "You're being ridiculous. You're not banned from anywhere. This is your tower, after all."

Tony hums and clears his throat, shrugging. "I figured you'd kicked me out for good."

Steve rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. "Just be there on time. Please?"

"Yeah, yeah. Close the door on your way out," Tony says with a waving motion. When Steve is gone, Tony collapses back into his office chair and scrubs his hands over his face. He realizes that trying to mend his relationship with Steve is going to be tough, but it'll be ten times easier if Tony can convince himself that he actually wants to fix things.

* * *

Steve fidgets with his checkered shirt, adjusting the collar as he sits in the small sitting room of the therapist's office. He really shouldn't be surprised that Tony is late. He  _really_ shouldn't. And he shouldn't be surprised when Tony  _does_  arrive and he's wearing the goddamn Iron Man suit.

"Oh," Steve chuckles, and it's one of those frightening chuckles that he tends to do.

Tony knows he's in trouble. Tony's decision to wear the suit to the counselor's office it to set Steve off in front of the therapist so he can prove that Steve upsets himself over these things and Tony is completely innocent in all of it.

"I left late. Sue me," Tony quips.

Steve mumbles something under his breath about Tony being childish as they're called back to the counselor's office. Tony manages to behave himself for the most part, aside from refusing to get out of the suit and Dr. Williams—Miranda—does her best not to show her amusement.

The first twenty minutes or so pass by fairly quickly, and Steve does most of the talking until Miranda directly asks Tony how he feels about things.

"I don't know," Tony shrugs.

Steve, who has been teary-eyed almost the entire time, gives his husband an incredulous look. "That's all you have to say? You don't know? See, Dr. Williams—"

"I can speak for myself," Tony interjects, sighing. "I don't know how I feel about things. I don't want to give up but I know that both of us need a hell of a lot of work if we're going to stay married."

Miranda nods, and crosses her legs as she leans back in her chair. "Well, since this is the first session we're just going to go over the basics: what your biggest problems are and what you hope to solve with your sessions in therapy."

Steve clears his throat and obviously has something to say, but he and Tony haven't discussed talking about Bucky with the therapist. But Steve takes the liberty of speaking up.

"We—for my birthday—well, it started on my birthday, but an old friend of mine—" Steve groans at his fractured speech. His palms are slightly tacky and he wouldn't be surprised if his cheeks are pink.

"We brought someone else into the relationship," Tony supplies for him, quietly, because just thinking about Bucky hurts like hell. And Tony's kind of shocked, because the fact that he's cheating on Steve doesn't hurt; the fact that he can't be with Bucky hurts.

"Oh," Miranda nods, but she doesn't sound surprised. "And how did that come about?"

"It was for my birthday," Steve mutters, and suddenly looking at Dr. Williams is much more difficult than he could have ever imagined. "He stayed the night, and never really left. I mean—since I married Tony, I hadn't seen much of my friend. He lived with us for about five months, but I asked him to leave because he and Tony had grown close."

"Were you feeling jealous that you and Tony weren't spending much time together?"

Steve nods. "I felt left out."

"That's because you never wanted to do anything we wanted to do," Tony inputs. "You could've sat in there with us and played video games or watched TV, but you didn't. You chose to go work out or read. You never wanted to spend time with the both of us. You just wanted to spend time with me."

"Because you're my husband and—" Steve gets ahold of his emotions before they're out of his control. He takes a deep breath and exhales. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'd like to talk about something else."

Miranda looks to Tony. "Is that okay with you?"

"It's fine," Tony mutters, crossing his arms and flipping the suit's faceplate down.

* * *

The session is over and Tony is relieved, but Steve is more upset than he's been in a while.

Tony knows he's in deep shit. At least, for the moment, and tries to listen the mood by asking, "What's for dinner?"

"I can't believe you," Steve responds simply. "You're acting like a child!"

"You've always wanted kids," Tony replies smugly.

Steve spins on his heel and Tony knows he's in trouble. He pops the faceplate so Steve can see him. "I'm sorry," Tony snickers. "I couldn't resist."

"Don't even come home. I don't want to see you right now. I was stupid to think that you would act like a mature adult for more than five minutes."

"You're the one who wouldn't talk about Bucky. That was real mature of you."

"There's nothing to talk about! That's  _over_! It's not a big deal!"

Tony blinks furiously. "Steve, it's a  _huge_  deal. We invited him into our lives and then you just pushed him out. If our marriage wasn't in serious trouble, would we have let each other fuck another person?"

Steve groans. "It's not about that! Forget about him; it's not about him."

"Yes, okay, you've established that! But if you aren't at least willing to talk to a counselor about that, how the fuck are we ever going to get anywhere?"

For the first time in a while, Tony actually makes sense, and Steve calms down enough to realize that. He inhales deeply and slowly breathes out.

"You're right," he admits quietly. "I'm sorry, but I don't think talking about Bucky is going to fix our relationship."

"I don't either. I was just trying to make a point."

"I think asking Bucky to move in was the worse decision I've ever made," Steve says.

"Besides this morning when you decided to wear that shirt."

Steve frowns and glances down at the white and blue checkered shirt. "You gave me this shirt."

"Oh," Tony mumbles, because he doesn't really know what else to say.

* * *

The memories are so fresh that they burn. They hurt like hell, and no amount of whiskey makes them go away. They incinerate every sense of his being until he's numb enough to close his eyes and remember.

" _Mm._ _" Bucky wakes and opens his eyes to_ _find Tony snickering beside him with a permanent marker in his hand. "What the hell are you doing?"_

" _I fixed it," Tony says, deadpanned, when he gestures to Bucky's arm and caps the marker._

" _Fixed what?" He rotates his shoulder to get a proper look at it._

" _I fixed it," Tony repeats, pointing to the black 'K' written in permanent marker next to the star. "I added a 'K' so now it's like 'star-k' because you're mine," he explains with a shrug._

_Bucky pulls Tony close enough to kiss him, chuckling against his lips. "You're so fucking stupid," he whispers with a smile._

" _You know you love me." Tony can't stop smiling now, and looking at Bucky isn't helping matters, so Tony kisses him. It's slow and sweet, and Tony's fingers smooth Bucky's hair back from his face. They kiss for what seems like forever and only stop when Tony's hands start to roam below the blankets. Bucky breaks the kiss with a soft wet sound and hums._

_"Not right now," he murmurs, and Tony just smiles at him some more, because when Bucky is sleepy he really doesn't look like someone who has ever been an assassin._

_"Okay," Tony whispers, kissing his lover's cheek and then his forehead. "I'll be downstairs if you need me. Go back to sleep."_


	20. Chapter 20

* * *

Tony's been home for a little over two weeks and he hasn't seen Bucky. It doesn't surprise him, though; they've already agreed to lay low for a while. That is, until Tony's gala tonight where he's certain Bucky will show up. At least, the invitation has been sent and Tony really hopes that he'll show up.

Much to Steve's insistence, Tony is sitting at the small breakfast in the table drinking his coffee. He's declined Steve's offer to cook him breakfast twice already, and he's sure he'll have to decline again.

"Don't forget we have an appointment with Miranda today," Steve says softly from behind his newspaper.

"I would've forgotten for sure," Tony waspishly, "because you haven't already reminded me three times."

"You don't have to be mean about it," Steve mutters.

"Sorry." Tony's phone bleeps and he really hopes it's Bucky returning the message he's sent regarding tonight's gala.

_**Not going. Nothing to wear** _

Tony rolls his eyes and he's thankful that Steve isn't paying very close attention when he replies,  _ **I'll send something over. Be there.**_

* * *

"If you'll excuse me," Tony says as an entirely familiar someone catches his eye. He steps around the woman with the uneven breast implants and practically glides across the floor. "You came," Tony beams, resting a hand at the small of Bucky's back and leaning in to kiss his cheek.

Bucky grunts and can't resist the sarcastic smile that pushes at his lips. "I wouldn't want to miss a black tie event at the home that you share with your husband, would I?" he replies with feigned enthusiasm.

"Don't be like that."

"You didn't give me a choice," Bucky says, his voice softer and his smile falling. "You sent me a suit. And a limo."

"I wanted to see you," Tony shrugs, and makes it a point to slide his hand down to rest on Bucky's ass. "It's been too long."

"It's been a two weeks," Bucky replies, shifting his weight on his feet. "How are things going?"

"I can't sleep," Tony mutters. "I can't concentrate long enough to accomplish anything. It's fucking annoying."

He chews his lip lightly. "Have you talked to Steve yet?"

"No."

"You might wanna cool it, then; he's staring at us," Bucky mutters.

"Cool what? We're just talking."

"Your hand is on my ass," Bucky retorts as he takes a step back.

"Now he's gonna think something's up. Come on."

"Stark—fuck," Bucky groans as he's dragged across the room to greet Steve.

"Hey, Steve, look who I found," Tony smiles, and Bucky can hardly force himself to make eye contact.

As usual, Steve is the first one to like a mature adult. He nods and extends his hand for Bucky to shake. "It's nice to see you again," he exclaims.

"When did things get so formal between us?" Bucky fires back with a clearly distasteful tone in his voice. He declines the handshake, giving Steve a classic 'I can't believe you' look before storming off.

"I think there may be some hard feelings between you two."

"Tony, shut up. Just shut up," Steve says through clenched teeth.

"Why are you mad at me?"

"Because you're both incapable of acting like adults."

"I'm throwing an adult party with adult drinks."

Steve shakes his head and shoves his hands in his pockets, turning his back to Tony and going to find Natasha.

Tony shrugs it off, literally, and turns around in a circle. He's looking for someone, and knows exactly where to find him. "Steve's thoroughly upset," Tony says when he approaches Bucky at the bar. "I swear if I didn't know better, I'd think he was pregnant. He gets so pissy at everything."

Bucky pushes away from the bar, and Tony follows close at his heels. "Where are you going?"

"I just need some air," Bucky retorts, and he's caught off guard when Tony grabs his arm and pulls him into the coat closet. "What the—?"

"There's air in a closet. And oh, look, there's a lock," Tony quips as he reaches around and locks the door.

"Tony," Bucky says quietly, and his eyes are unfocused and his stomach is in knots. He looks up at Tony and Tony knows he's not in the mood to fuck around.

Tony's smile falls and, despite what Steve thinks, he's entirely capable of being serious when it matters. "What?"

"Why did you invite me here?"

"Because I wanted to see you; I told you that already."

"If you wanted to see me you could've come by my apartment. I feel like you're playing some kind of game with me and now I feel like shit because of it. Maybe you don't want to leave Steve. Maybe you're just fucking around with me because you're bored with your marriage, but you have no intentions of really getting divorced."

"No, it's not. I swear to you, it's not that. I really did wanna see you." Tony steps forward and tentatively wraps his arms around Bucky, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

Bucky returns the embrace and his metal fingers curl in the back of Tony's hair. "Can we just go back to California?" he asks quietly.

"I wish. God, I wish we could," Tony admits. He moves his head just a little so he can kiss Bucky, soft and slow, and he wishes they were in a bigger closet. He sighs against Bucky's lips and rests their foreheads together briefly. "Just be patient, alright? I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you," Bucky mutters.

"I know," Tony whispers. "I know you do."

"I'm just gonna go. I'll see you later."

Tony nods, but reaches out to grasp Bucky by the hips. He pulls Bucky closer and kisses him again, slow and thorough, and holds his face as he does so. When the kiss breaks, Bucky steps around Tony and when they leave the closet, they're both relieved that no one is around to see.

Then again, Natasha is a skilled spy, and doesn't make her presence known until Barnes is out of sight and she matches Tony's pace as he's heading back to the party. "That explains a lot," she snips.

Tony groans at the mere sound of her voice, and contemplates ignoring her completely, but she snatches his wrist in a vigorous grip. "Steve doesn't know," she concludes, because that's kind of obvious. She halts and spins Tony around to face her, releasing his wrist. "You know, I always thought you were kind of a dick. I guess I just didn't know how big of a dick you were. How long have you been fucking Barnes?"

"You can't even pretend to know what's going on," Tony snaps, his voice low even though they're the only two in the hallway. "Don't even try to understand. And for the love of all things unholy, don't you fucking tell Steve."

"He  _deserves_  to know," he hisses. "I'm not just going to let you destroy him like this. You do know that it'll destroy him, right? Of course you know; you just don't give a shit."

"I know he deserves to know! And I'll tell him."

"Before it's too late," Natasha concludes. "You'll tell him right before you leave him, and judging by what Steve's telling me, you've been leading up to that for a while. Why  _Barnes_? My god, I thought you had decent taste."

"We have the same taste if I'm not mistaken," Tony remarks, raising his eyebrows.

Natasha can't resist the urge to roll her eyes. "If you don't tell Steve, I will," she says, her pace quickening as she passes Tony. "You have a week."

* * *

To Steve's surprise, Tony spends the second half of the gala at his side. He's respectful and subdued and Steve is definitely not expecting that. He starts to think that maybe their sessions with Miranda are helping.

It's midnight now, and Steve is showing the last guests out of the tower. Tony waits patiently for Steve to finish and as they ride up to their floor they remain silent. Tony changes into a pair of sweat pants and a tank top, clearing his throat awkwardly as Steve changes as well.

"You're more than welcome to sleep in the bedroom," Steve says quietly as he pulls at the waistband of his pajama pants. "I'll take the couch or—"

"I don't think that's a very good idea," Tony cuts in. "I'll just go down to the lab."

"Okay. Goodnight, then. Don't stay up too late."

Tony almost— _almost—_ smiles and nods. "I'll keep that in mind. Night."

* * *

Tony realizes that he no longer goes down to the lab to work. He goes down to drink in peace and brood about how badly he's fucked his life up.

" _Do you actually plan on getting up today?" Bucky asks, crossing the room with a bowl of cereal cradled in his hand. He's walking around comfortably in boxer_ _briefs and a baggy long sleeve shirt that almost hangs off one shoulder._

" _Why would I wanna do that?" Tony quips with a smirk, turning to see that the pouring rain still hasn't stopped. "What are you eating?"_

_"Cereal. It's not like you have any ingredients to cook real food."_

" _You could've ordered in," Tony retorts._

_Bucky shrugs and takes the last bite of his cereal before drinking the remaining milk. He turns to go back to the kitchen to put his bowl in the sink, but Tony calls after him._

" _Where are you going?"_

" _To the kitchen."_

" _No," Tony whines. "Come back."_

_"I'm going to the kitchen, I'll—"_

_Tony makes it a point to throw the blanket back and scoot over in the bed. "Come be my little spoon."_

_Bucky sets his bowl and spoon on the nightstand and crawls into bed, hair hanging in his face, before he makes himself comfortable against Tony._

" _Do you know how beautiful you are?" Tony asks quietly, pressing a kiss behind his lover's ear._

" _You make me feel that way_ _," Bucky whispers, and he knows he sounds like a fucking woman._

_"I'll always want you," Tony murmurs. "In ten minutes, ten days, ten years."_

* * *

The following day when Miranda comes back from her lunch break, she's surprised to see Tony Stark sitting in the waiting room outside her office. She smiles politely, hoping that there are no remnants of lunch stuck in her teeth. "Mr. Stark?"

Tony stands and shoves his hands in his pockets, speaking quietly. "Do you have a minute?"

The woman shifts her laptop bag on her shoulder. Her hour after lunch is usually spent doing paperwork and isn't a viable appointment slot, but Tony looks distraught and is definitely acting out of character. Miranda hesitates before nodding and unlocking the door to her office. "I can spare a few."

 


	21. Chapter 21

"What's going on?" Miranda asks, projecting genuine interest as she takes a seat behind her desk.

Tony flops in the chair on the opposite side, leaning forward to hold his head in his hands. "I don't even know where to start."

"You could start with why you're in my office today when you've already had a session this week."

Tony looks up, but he's still slumped over. "I don't know how much longer I can do this."

"What's that?"

"Stay married to Steve. I want to try to fix things for his sake, but I don't think I can keep pretending. I—I feel so  _guilty_  but I don't know how to ask for a divorce."

Miranda sits back in her chair and crosses her legs. "Have you been thinking about this for a while?"

"A few months," Tony mumbles, shrugging.

"Steve doesn't know?" she guesses.

"Steve doesn't know," Tony confirms.

"Does he suspect?"

"I can't imagine he hasn't thought about it. He's constantly getting after me for being a sarcastic asshole, and part of that is my personality, but maybe subconsciously I'm also doing it because I want him to agree to divorce."

"Just a moment ago you said you'd like to fix things for Steve's sake. What about for your sake? Would you prefer to wash your hands of the situation?"

"Kind of?" Tony asks more than answers. "I think with a lot of work, we could probably get back into the comfortable life we used to have."

"Does a comfortable lifestyle appeal to you?"

"Not really. I like spontaneity. Steve is definitely not spontaneous. He's got to have every aspect of his day planned out before the sun comes up."

"Whereas you're more of an 'as-you-go' person."

"Right. He's the reason we're even together."

"What makes you say that?"

"Steve invited me over to his apartment for dinner."

Miranda nods, thinking for a moment before she sweeps her bangs to the side. "Do you think you would have asked him on a date had he not been the first to invite you over?"

"Yeah," Tony shrugs. "I mean, I wouldn't have planned a date like he did. I'm not the type, but yeah. I was set on making him mine."

"Are you talking about marriage or in terms of property?"

Tony shrugs because he's never really been asked that question. "I mean, Steve's his own person, but I could definitely tell he was into me, so. I just—I'm gonna bring this up, 'cause it's obviously a problem: I can't fuck him. I can't have sex with my husband. We fumble and it's so awkward."

"Does Steve feel the same way?"

"I can't imagine that he doesn't. It's been a long time since things were okay in the bedroom. We had sex on Christmas Eve—or, we tried to."

"But you weren't very successful," she concludes.

Tony shakes his head. "I mean, when we had Bucky living with us, it was amazing. It was phenomenal, but not too much later Steve went away for a mission. Bucky and I grew really close."

Miranda nods as if she's heard this scenario a thousand times before between military spouses. "Physically and emotionally?"

"Maybe not emotionally," Tony shrugs, speaking somewhat softer as if it'll help him deny his feelings. "We were constantly together. The sex between us when Steve wasn't there was even—it was the best I've ever had. And I've had a lot of sex."

Miranda politely ducks her head to hide her shy smile before briefly collecting her thoughts and raising her head with a straight face.

Tony continues, "God, just one  _look_  from him and I was done. It's just—it's crazy. I've never felt like that before."

"Does Steve know you feel this way?"

"No," Tony shakes his head. "But I suspect he resents me for what went on between me and Bucky when he was away; that's when Steve really changed. After he came back, he was constantly nagging about something. I guess he thought that having Bucky move in was a mistake, because he asked him to move out."

"Did you want him to move out?"

Tony shrugs and tries to act indifferently, but his eyes cast down and decides to talk about another subject. "Steve's constantly bringing up the fact that he wants kids. I told him before we even got married that I didn't want kids."

"How do you deal with those conversations?"

"Ironically, I'm usually really childish when we talk about it. My dad was a complete dick and I may or may not be an alcoholic, so basically I'd be the world's most unfit father. Steve would be a good dad, though."

"But kids are out of the question for you."

Tony nods a little. "Yeah. I don't want—yeah."

"Is there anything else going on? Steve mentioned yesterday that he felt like you were unable to share your feelings with him."

"I don't know why. I just can't open myself up to him anymore." Tony reaches up and scrubs his face with tired hands. "God, I'm so fucked up."

"Why do you say that?"

"I can't admit things that I need to admit. I can't be honest with Steve anymore. I have all of this  _guilt_  because I knew I could never be what he deserves, but I guess I buried those emotions with the way he treated me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him because he was just so  _good_."

"But now you feel unworthy of him."

"Yeah, sort of. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a domestic relationship with kids and a set schedule." Tony makes a face at the mere thought.

"You want spontaneity again."

"I want to be married to someone I'm crazy about. And that's—that's just not Steve anymore, but I'm going to try. I'm going to try for his sake because I at least owe it to him to try, you know?"

"I can understand the feeling of needing to try, but you need to make sure this is something you want, too," Miranda comments.

Tony nods and sits back in his chair, crossing his legs. "If we can fix things, I definitely want to. I'm not going to just half-ass it, either; I'm really willing to try, but Steve needs to understand that if I decide that can't be in this relationship anymore, he's gonna need to let me go. I'm not sure he'll let go that easily if things don't work, and that scares me."

"Is he resistant to change?"

"Yeah, and he's not a quitter by any means. He doesn't like to fail and he's definitely one to give second chances."

"Do you want a second chance?"

Tony shrugs, looking at his feet, because he doesn't want to answer the question.

"Tony," Miranda sighs, and fidgets with her gemstone necklace. "I'm here to help you, but I feel like there's something substantial that you're not telling me. Nothing you tell me will leave this room; it's safe to be completely honest with me. In order to guide you, I need you to be honest."

Tony looks anywhere but directly at Miranda, and digs his blunt fingernails into his thighs. He contemplates just blurting it out, but maybe he'll feel better if someone digs under his skin until the truth is pulled out of him like a painful splinter.

"What was your question again?"

"Do you want Steve to give you a second chance?"

The answer is on the tip of Tony's tongue too quickly, and he doesn't admit it immediately. He swallows hard and simply shrugs his shoulders. "Part of me wants him to push me further and further away until I have an excuse for not wanting to be with him anymore."

"And the other part of you?"

"The other part of me feels like I need to grow a pair and try my damnedest to make things work with the man I promised to spend the rest of my life with."

Miranda gives him an understanding nod. "Other than the complications within your marriage right now, is there any other reason that you wouldn't want to patch things up with Steve?" And she might as well come out and ask if Tony is having an affair; she's seen the signs too many times before.

Tony shakes his head 'no' and opens his mouth to speak, but Miranda gives him an all-knowing look.

"There's someone else," Tony sighs, and his heart threatens to beat itself to death.

"I had a feeling," Miranda discloses.

"And you're willing to bet it's Bucky," Tony provides, allowing his eyes to fall to the side.

"I had my suspicions, yes."

"And you're probably judging me because I'm a total bag of dicks and Steve is a sweetheart."

"It's my job not to judge you, Tony. I've heard crazier stories than having an affair with a close friend."

"Well, I feel like I can talk about him now," Tony admits quietly, running a hand over his hair. And he's got a burning urge to talk about Bucky and how amazing he is.

"Is he an element of your wanting a divorce?" Miranda inquires.

"Yeah." He stays silent for a minute before he looks up at Miranda directly. "Steve doesn't know."

"Do you think he should know?"

"He deserves to know, and I'll tell him eventually." He pauses and rubs his eyes. "Can we talk about Bucky?"

"Sure," Miranda nods.

"He's just—I can't even describe him."

"Why don't you try to?"

It comes out without much thought. "God, he's beautiful. He's this beautiful, exotic person and he's passionate—nothing about him is boring, and he's so open-minded about things. He's kind of a bad boy. He's so smart, but he doesn't let it show; I love that. And he's not afraid to be honest with me. He doesn't take my bullshit and he calls me out on it. He makes me accountable for my actions. I mean, Steve does, too; but Bucky's just—he's different. I've never met anyone like him."

"It sounds like you really like him," Miranda concludes.

"I do, but I make such an ass of myself. He knows that Steve and I are having serious problems. He agreed to step back and let me sort everything out, but sometimes I wanna throw everything away to be with him."

"With Bucky?"

"Yeah." Tony relaxes in the chair, having gotten that off his chest, and bites back a smile. "I'm crazy about him. I look at him and feel a million different things at once, and that scares me."

"Why does that scare you?"

"I don't feel that way about Steve. I've never felt that many things for him before."

"Why do you think that is?" Miranda asks, and she finally feels like they're getting somewhere.

"I don't know. Bucky's just—he's everything. Steve is mostly just good, but Bucky is good and bad and everything in between. He's mysterious and he's got this dark side."

"Do you think these feelings are lasting?"

"I don't know. That scares me, too. I can live comfortably with Steve, but the unknown of what I could possibly have with Bucky would drive me insane for the rest of my life." Tony's phone bleeps and he fishes it out of his pocket with a muffled 'excuse me'. It's Pepper reminding him that he has a meeting.

"I have a meeting to get to." Tony stands and fidgets with his tie. "Thanks for talking to me. I'll see you next week."

"Bye, Tony. Remember, you can always sign up for additional counseling for just yourself."

Tony nods. "I'll keep that in mind."

 


	22. Chapter 22

"Hello?" Bucky answers in that groggy voice that Tony absolutely loves.

"You asleep?"

"I was."

"Sorry," Tony says, and Bucky's certain that Tony doesn't care all that much. "You going anywhere today?"

"Not anytime soon."

"Steve's going to lunch. I'll be over in an hour."

Bucky hums and maybe it's the remnants of last night's whiskey that make him say these things. "You can just come over now while I'm still in bed and fuck me back to sleep. And when we wake up we can take a shower and you can fuck me again if you want to, and then maybe I'll make you breakfast."

"Mm," Tony hums. He sighs softly at the thought, because he'd love nothing more than to do that. "Sounds tempting, but I've gotta finish this thing I'm doing. I'll see you soon."

* * *

"How's the counseling going?"

Steve smiles just a little and looks up at Natasha from his chair across the table. They're sitting at the small café that Steve likes so much and lunch is on Natasha just because.

"It's going good. I mean, it's hard to hear that Tony's been so unhappy for so long and he never told me, but we're starting to really work on things. Our anniversary's coming up, you know."

"Is it?" she ask idly, as if she's distracted by something, or something heavy is weighing on her mind, Steve thinks.  _Definitely out of character._

"Yeah," he finally answers. "I don't know what we're planning on doing. It's going to be a weird one, though." He pauses. "I can't believe we've been married five years. I also can't believe that our marriage is falling apart after only five years."

Natasha sips at her water and chooses her words very carefully. "Do you think that saving your relationship is for the best? And by no means am I telling you to get divorced, but c'mon—you could do so much better than Stark."

"And you could do better than Barton," Steve chuckles. "But I don't see you doing anything about that in the foreseeable future."

"The whole point about the future is that it isn't foreseeable. No one knows what's going to happen," Natasha replies, cocking her head. "I just don't want to see you get hurt. You're a good guy with a hell of a lot to offer. You shouldn't be throwing it away for someone who's capable of hurting you in the worst way you can imagine."

"Nat, is there something you want to tell me? Because as far as I know, I've hurt Tony, too. We're just going through a rough stretch, but we're working on it. Everything's gonna be fine."

Natasha purses her lips before replying, "I hope so."

* * *

Tony doesn't even bother knocking on the door. He simply lets himself in and calls sarcastically, "Honey, I'm home!"

"In here!"

Tony follows the smell of cooking and finds Bucky standing in front of the stove wearing only a pair of sweatpants, and hugs him from behind. "Pancakes?" Tony mumbles against Bucky's shoulder. "Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?"

"Damn," Bucky sighs. "You're onto me." He glances over his shoulder smiles at Tony, briefly biting his bottom lip. Tony snickers and presses a quick kiss to his mouth before letting go and heading for the coffee.

* * *

After breakfast, Bucky leads Tony back to the bed and they sprawl out next to one another until Tony leans over for a kiss. It's innocent enough at first, but then Bucky ends up underneath Tony and they're starting to get carried away when Tony breaks the kiss. He sits back on Bucky's lap and wishes that time would just stop. It won't, though; he knows that for a fact.

"Let me see your hand," Tony says, and he pushes back thoughts about how time can't stand still because he wants to watch this moment over and over and it hasn't even happened yet.

"Why?"

"Let me see it," Tony chuckles, extending his own hand.

Bucky finally relents and offers Tony his hand, holding it palm-up. Tony's fingers dance at his wrist for just a moment. They're still staring at each other until Bucky looks away, but even when he looks back at Tony, Tony's still grinning. Slowly, Tony's fingers trace shapes on Bucky's palm, but they aren't just any shapes; they're 3 words, eight letters. Bucky is staring in awe, unsure of what to say, and Tony leans down to kiss his palm.

"I wanna hear you say it," Bucky whispers, and his voice is so soft and hopeful that Tony can't deny him that.

Tony stretches out beside Bucky and kisses his cheek. "I love you," Tony whispers back, and the smile he receives is definitely worth it.

"It was the fuckin' pancakes, wasn't it? I knew I should've cooked you pancakes weeks ago."

"I'm not even a huge pancake fan," Tony shrugs.

Bucky looks away, swallowing hard. "Steve makes good pancakes."

"Yeah," Tony replies, and there's a long pause and they're both tense. They haven't talked about Steve lately, and what's happening in terms of divorce, but Tony isn't going to offer the information unless Bucky asks directly. And Bucky looks so far off in thought that Tony has to literally kiss him back to reality.

Bucky pulls away and clears his throat. "How long do you have?"

Tony glances at his watch and shrugs. "Not long. I just wanted to come see you. I don't really have time for—"

"Yeah," Bucky breaks in softly. "I get it." He worries his bottom lip and he looks so fucking crushed that Tony actually feels guilty, throwing an arm over his bare torso.

"I wish stopping time was possible. I could invent that and be even richer," Tony remarks. It's so juvenile, because he doesn't need more money. He needs more time, though. He'll always need more time with Bucky because his time is quickly coming to a close.

"My god, your ego would get even bigger."

"Is that possible? I'm not sure that's possible."

Bucky almost laughs as he rests his head against Tony's. "Imagine an alternate universe where we're all normal people doing normal shit."

"Oh. Oh, god, that's scary. What would I look like?"

"You would still look like you. Or maybe you'd look like your dad. What would I look like?"

"You definitely wouldn't have this," Tony murmurs, lifting his fingers to ghost them over Bucky's bionic arm. "That would suck because it's totally kickass and sexy. You probably wouldn't look like you're brooding all the time."

"I don't look like that," Bucky scowls.

"You do look like that. Okay, so imagine we live this totally  _boring_  life where we're normal people living in a normal house. What would we be like?"

"Are we married in this scenario?"

Tony shrugs. "Doesn't matter."

Bucky snorts because they're both so fucking lame. "Well, we wouldn't have kids."

"Oh no. No kids, ever," Tony agrees. "Maybe a dog.  _Maybe_."

"I'd bring you coffee in bed every morning," Bucky says decidedly. "You'd be too lazy to get off your ass and get it yourself, but I'd always want to have coffee with you, so I'd bring it back to bed."

"For Valentine's Day I'd buy you stupid shit like chocolate," Tony snickers. "I'd always talk about how dumb it is but I'd do it anyway. And we'd totally use them for foreplay."

Bucky closes his eyes and moans softly at the mental image. "I'd make you pancakes on Sunday mornings."

"I'd begrudgingly eat said pancakes every Sunday morning because I wouldn't be man enough to tell you that I'm tired of pancakes."

Bucky laughs. "The cleaning lady would always complain about having to wash the sheets because we'd be like fucking rabbits and couldn't get enough of each other."

Tony's voice is softer and more serious when he says, "I'd kiss you every time before I left the house because I'd be so worried that some freakish accident would happen and I'd never see you again and I'd have forgotten to tell you how much I love you the last time I saw you."

"Tony," Bucky whispers, and then they're both so quiet that neither one of them wants to say anything else because it'll ruin the moment.

It hurts. Everything just  _hurts_  on Bucky because he wants Tony and he wants to be with him but he can't because Tony's still married. He isn't sure how much longer he can deal with these conflicted emotions without falling apart.

Tony's phone goes off and it's the notification to remind him that he's got an appointment with Miranda. "I have to go," he says regretfully. He kisses Bucky's forehead and then his lips before he slides out of bed.

"Bye," Bucky replies, and he doesn't even try not to sound upset.

* * *

"How are things with Steve going?"

"They're a little better," Tony shrugs. "I still haven't told him about Bucky. I will, I just need the time to come up with a way to explain how everything spiraled out of control."

"I think that's a really smart decision," Miranda comments. "When affairs occur, it's important to identify what drove the other person to cheat. That way you and Steve can discuss what happened and take the steps to avoid that happening again in the future."

Tony's only half listening when he replies, "I told Bucky I love him."

"How did that go over?"

"He was happy," Tony whispers. "Hearing me say it back made him so happy. I'll never forget the look on his face."

"Last time we met you mentioned breaking it off with him. Is there a reason you haven't done that yet?"

"It's going to kill him. I know It's gonna hurt him so bad, and I don't want to do that, but by  _not_  doing it I'm also hurting myself and Steve. I just—god, I don't even know. I love Bucky, and it fucking  _hurts_ to think about not being with him."

"Does thinking about not being with Steve hurt?"

"No," Tony replies quietly. "But I made him a promise and I intend on keeping it."


	23. Chapter 23

"It's late," Bucky answers when his phone rings. He's still up, though, and sitting in the chair by his bedroom window.

"Yeah," Tony murmurs, and he wishes he could do this in person, because Bucky deserves that. But Miranda has told him that not doing this person is the best decision for everyone.

"Why are you calling me? Steve sleeping?"

"I'm down in the lab," Tony explains softly. He's sitting on the sofa in the corner with a tumbler of whiskey perched on his knee. Whiskey makes everything better, and Tony is hoping it'll numb his emotions for what he's about to do.

"I miss you," Bucky says, and he's definitely smiling when he says it. "You should come over."

"I miss you, too," Tony replies, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't have tears in his eyes. "But I need to talk to you about something."

"What?"

There's no easy way to say this. Tony's gone over how he's going to say it at least 50 times. But that doesn't make it any easier for either of them. "I'm—I'm not leaving Steve," he says and that's when his tears start to fall because there's silence on the other line, and in his apartment Bucky is confused.

" _What_?"

"You're an amazing person, and I love you so much and I'm so,  _so sorry_. I—I want to work on my marriage."

"Tony, you don't even—what the fuck are you saying? You don't want this; you don't want Steve. You said—"

"I know," Tony mutters, and he sniffles. "I know what I said and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby. I can't—I can't say that enough." It's going to kill him, Tony knows it's going to kill him, but he does what he has to do. "I love you and I never meant to hurt you. Please don't contact me again," he murmurs, and then he hangs up and the room is silent. Several floors above Steve is sleeping obliviously and several floors below him Tony is falling apart and several miles away Bucky is set on drinking himself to death.

* * *

Today marks the week since Natasha told Tony to tell Steve about the affair. Tony knows he should've told Steve sooner, because it's only going to be harder, and he isn't looking forward to seeing Steve's reaction. Then again, no one ever looks forward to such a confrontation. Steve still doesn't know; Tony is sure of that because when Tony comes into the kitchen Steve greets him with a smile.

"I'm staying home," Tony mumbles as he goes about making a cup of coffee.

"You feel okay?"

"Not really," Tony admits. He feels as if he's going to throw up at any minute and he hasn't even said anything yet.

Steve crosses and puts the back of his hand against Tony's wrinkled forehead. "You don't feel hot."

"Steve," Tony whispers. He gestures to the chair across from him at the small breakfast table.

"Is everything okay?"

"Please, just—just sit down. We need to talk."

Steve takes the time to actually  _look_  at his husband and decides that something very, very devastating is about to happen. He sits down and folds his hands on top of the table. "I'm listening," he says in a low, expectant tone.

Tony scrubs his hands over his face. He's wondered how he's going to word this for some time now, but nothing ever seems to sound right. Maybe that's because it won't sound good no matter how he says it. Regardless, he sort of spits the words out. "I had an affair."

Steve's face falls and his heart is pounding in his chest. He doesn't know whether to be shocked or heartbroken or angry. First he needs to be sure that he's heard Tony correctly. " _What_?"

"I'm sorry," Tony replies, and he looks so small from across the table, but he's sincere. He's so sorry, and he's not sure Steve can ever comprehend just how sorry he is.

Steve isn't sure what's happening; maybe his reaction is just delayed. Tears prick at his eyes and he doesn't bother to hold them back. Elbows on the table, head in his hands, he begins to cry quietly at first, and then he's sobbing, and Tony can't do anything about it. He doesn't leave the room; he won't leave unless Steve tells him to. Tony deserves to sit through this and see Steve unravel in front of him. He deserves all of this and more.

Steve cries and rubs his eyes and shakes his head because he thinks part of this is a bad dream. It's just one of his frequent nightmares and it'll be over if he can just wake up. But he can't and when Steve opens his eyes Tony is still across from him with drooping eyes and a heavy heart, and Tony forces himself to say something when Steve looks him in the eye. He picks his words very carefully.

"I'm so sorry. I hope you'll be able to—"

And maybe Steve doesn't want to hear Tony's apology. "Who was it?" he snarls, and that's definitely unexpected for the both of them. Steve is still in shock but he's pretty sure the initial shock is over. Temporarily, at least, and he needs answers  _now_.

"I don't think—"

"No!" Steve snaps. "You did it and you confessed, so tell me! Who the hell was it?"

Tony thinks it's sad how oblivious Steve it. He's so much smarter than that, and maybe the signs and the answer are obvious but Steve's in no state of mind to play detective.

"Bucky," Tony sighs, and he has to watch Steve fall apart all over again.

'How long' is Steve's next question and it's forced out through his sobs. He just keeps shaking his head in disbelief. He keeps telling himself Bucky wouldn't do this and Tony wouldn't do this. The two most important people in his life wouldn't do this to him.

"It started after he moved out. I—I tried to end it but I just… I couldn't."

"Why are you telling me?" Steve whispers, and he gets up to get a napkin to use as a tissue before he sits back down. "You—you could just have easily kept it from me."

"You deserve to know," Tony replies quietly.

Steve bursts out impulsively, and he really has the right to. "I deserved to be cheated on and then I deserve to know about it?!"

Tony jumps a little; he isn't expecting that. "I thought that's what you'd want! I'm telling you all of this because I want to make things right between us," he explains, and his voice is high and a little desperate. "I'm telling you because I love you and you deserve to know."

"You love me?" Steve repeats, sniffling. "You love me so much you had an affair with my best friend. I just—I don't understand! I've  _always_  been there for you! I would never even think about doing this to you!"

"You make everything so hard," Tony retorts, and who the fuck is he to start justifying it?

"It's not supposed to be easy! Marriage—marriage isn't  _easy_ , Tony!"

"I know that! But being with Bucky was easier than doing the right thing!"

It's silent for a long moment before Steve croaks, "Do you love him?" It's not hard to determine that Steve is entirely devastated. His voice is so full of hope. He's hoping Tony says no. He's still hoping that maybe this is all a terrible dream.

Tony looks down. "You don't—"

"Think very,  _very_  carefully before you say something very stupid," Steve hisses from behind his tissue.

"Yes," Tony answers simply. He has to look away when more tears slip down Steve's cheeks.

Steve sniffles and tries to get ahold of himself, but before he knows it he's whimpering.  _It's not fair_ , Steve thinks. It's taken Tony years to love Steve, and after a few short months of knowing Bucky, Tony loves him.  _Tony loves Bucky_. The thought occurs over and over in Steve's rattled mind and he just can't shake it. He cries harder, and he's sobbing again, and he just wants everything to go away.

Tony knows not to try and touch Steve or comfort him; that'll only upset him more, but Tony sort of wants to because Steve looks so broken. Tony knows he's stupid for expecting Steve not to cry. Steve is strong, but Steve is also human, and seeing his raw emotions as they unfold is one of the most unsettling things Tony has witnessed.

Seconds later, Steve has calmed himself enough to ask, "Did you feel guilty?"

Tony snorts and rests his head in his hands; of course he feels guilty. "Yes, Steve."

Tony's known that telling Steve will hurt, but now that the tremendous amount of pressure has been lifted off Tony's chest, he can actually breathe. But because of that he feels so much guilt. Guilt for cheating, guilt for lying, guilt for feeling relieved, guilt for leaving Bucky, and guilt for feeling guilty about breaking Bucky's heart.

"Did you even care about what you were doing to me?!"

"Yes! I felt guilty! But at the same time I was getting more than I was getting with you!"

"Jesus, Tony! Oh my god!"

"That's not how I meant it!" Tony groans. "I just—I was getting attention. I wasn't getting lectured for doing things imperfectly. I'm fucking  _human_ , Steve. I don't always do things that you agree with! You don't always do things that I agree with. And I think that as your husband you'd have a little insight on how to treat me after seven years of being together. I was getting more positive attention from Bucky than I had gotten from you in a long,  _long_  time."

"Why didn't you just  _tell me_?" Steve begs. He sounds so miserable and regretful that Tony can barely stand to listen to him, but he figures he deserves to have to deal with Steve's emotions after everything he's done.

"I tried to," Tony whispers. "I wanted you to stop nagging me and I wanted you to loosen up. I just—going to Bucky was easier than working on things with you. I always felt like he wanted me around, and I-I didn't really feel like you wanted that sometimes. You were so controlling, Steve; it was maddening. I wanted away from you…"

"Don't you try and pin this on me! This is  _not_ my fault!"

"I didn't say it was! I'm trying to take responsibility! I'm trying to explain why I did it and you're automatically assuming that I'm saying it's your fault! I'm trying to explain why I did it because I know you're wondering. I just—I was upset. I was so upset about our marriage, and I was upset that you made Bucky move out. And Steve, to be honest, I was kind of shocked at the way you treated the person who was supposed to be your best friend."

Steve makes a noise and Tony can't decipher whether it's a snort or a sniffle. "Yeah, well look at what my supposed best friend did. How—how the hell did you convince Bucky to take part in this? Because I know Bucky and he wouldn't just—he wouldn't just do that. He's not that kind of person."

"Steve," Tony whispers, and he's almost trying to remind Steve what Bucky has been through without saying it directly. "We're not talking about him right now. I'm trying to take responsibility and you aren't listening."

"I just—I don't believe that he would do something like this." Steve's face is pale and he's trembling all over. "I don't believe my best friend would do this to me. I-I just—I could possibly have expected you to have an affair, but I never thought Bucky would sink so low. He's a good man."

"Why are you defending him?!"

"Because I know him and this  _isn't him_!"

"Steve, he's not the same guy who fell off that goddamn train!"

"He wouldn't fucking  _do this to me_! You, I can believe, but not  _him_!"

"He's not brainwashed anymore; he doesn't have excuses! He's James Barnes, and he has a mind of his own, and we both did this! I can't believe—god, this isn't the discussion I had in mind."

Steve's fist slams on the table and Tony actually jumps in his seat. Steve's unsure of what he's doing when he grips the sides of the table and stands up. He flips it to the side with no effort at all. "He could never do this to me!"

"Well, he  _did_  it, Steve! And so did I!"

And that's a fucking shit thing to say and Steve isn't really sure of what he's doing when he reaches out and his hand collides with the side of Tony's face. "Fuck you!" Steve shouts, because all of this is sinking in and he can't believe it. He's so shaken, he's not really thinking clearly and he certainly doesn't want to be around Tony right now. "Get out! Get out! I  _hate you_!"

Tony's not expecting that to happen. He's not expecting Steve to say those things, but Steve says them, and Tony can never un-hear them. Tony doesn't know where to go, but he won't go to Bucky, so he gets out of the tower as quickly as he can and he flies out to California for an indefinite stay.

* * *

Several hours later, Natasha gets the call she's been expecting. It's Steve, and he's a mess, and truthfully she's surprised to hear that Tony's actually been completely honest about the whole thing. She wants to help and insists on coming over.

When she's there, she and Steve take refuge on the couch. Natasha expresses things that she's only been able to express around a handful of people. She loves Steve, she considers him her best friend, and to see him hurting like this is tough.

"I—I hit him, I told him I hated him," Steve whispers. "I didn't mean it. I just—I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to  _do_. I was—I'm so upset and I felt like such an idiot for not seeing it sooner. I knew Bucky was mad at me, but I never thought he'd do something like this. I don't understand…" Just when he's certain he's cried all he can, he emits an uneven sigh and sniffles as the tears resume.

Natasha rests her head on Steve's shoulder and reaches for his hand. She's not the best at this type of thing, but she's an incredible friend, and just having her here is comforting.

"I don't understand," Steve says again. He feels like he's stuck on repeat because that's what's crossing his mind over and over. He doesn't understand how Tony could do this, he doesn't understand why Tony  _would_  do this and he certainly can't wrap his mind around Bucky being capable of such a level of betrayal.

"I know," Natasha says softly. She squeezes his hand again. "But you'll make it through this mess, Cap. You always do."


	24. Chapter 24

Steve doesn't want to stay at the empty tower by himself tonight because it's full of bad memories, so he decides to take Natasha up on her offer to stay over at her apartment. He's still a basket case and doesn't know whether or not to try and call Tony. Natasha tells him to let Tony cool off for a few days, and in all honestly Steve doesn't want to talk to him right now but he wants answers. And if Tony isn't here to answer the questions, there's only one person who has the answers Steve wants to hear.

Steve eats the dinner that Natasha cooks and takes a shower. It makes him feel better physically, but mentally he's still a mess. He at least has control of his emotions now, though, and he goes to find Natasha sitting on her bed.

"I think I'm gonna go get some fresh air," Steve says softly, and he doesn't look directly at her. "I need to clear my head."

She glances up from her laptop. "You want me to come with you?"

"No, I think I'll be okay."

Natasha nods and Steve turns to leave.

* * *

Steve should know better but he doesn't. He wants answers and if he can't get them from Tony, he'll have to get them from the only other person who can provide them. He doesn't really think things through. He doesn't imagine that Bucky isn't going to at pleased to see him,  _at all_ , and he doesn't realize exactly how vulnerable Bucky is right now. But when Steve gets to the correct door, he knocks and he's not surprised to find Bucky shirtless and smelling of booze and smoke.

"The fuck do you want?" Bucky mutters under his breath, looking away and tossing his cigarette butt at Steve's feet. He makes no move to put it out, so Steve takes the liberty of doing so.

"We should do this inside," Steve says curtly.

Bucky snorts and moves aside, gesturing Steve into his filthy apartment. Bucky's used to kind of caring about being neat, but since Tony's broken it off with him he doesn't really care about anything other than altering his mental state into oblivion.

"What the hell are you doing here? Isn't it past your bedtime?"

Steve crosses his arms over his chest and looks away. "Were you going to tell me?"

"About what?" Bucky asks, and Steve gives him a look. "Oh, that," Bucky sighs, and he's not in the mood for this shit so he's going to make it go by as quickly as he can.

"Is it over?"

"He broke up with me last night," Bucky says in a low voice. "Said that he wasn't gonna leave you even after he promised me he was. Yet here you are looking like shit, so I'm assuming that he told you everything."

"He said—" Steve tries his best to hold back the tears that prick at his eyes.  _Tony promised to leave him. Tony promised to leave him for Bucky._ "No, we—we were going to counseling. He wasn't going to leave."

"He was, Steve! Fuck, are you that blind? You alienated him! He was sick of you! Why the fuck do you think he asked me to go to California with him?"

Steve is almost afraid to ask, but he does. "California?"

"Yeah, he flew me out to Malibu for two weeks. Where is he now? Did you lock him away like the goddamn child you think he is?"

"He left," Steve mumbles, but Bucky still hears him.

"Oh, he left. Well, there you go! He left you, just like he said he was going to."

"Shut your damn mouth," Steve snarls, because honestly he's tired of hearing Bucky's shit right now.

Bucky moves to grab his whiskey from the table and Steve notices the watch on his wrist. It's the same watch Steve saw sitting in the closet in all those months ago. Poor naïve Steve has believed for this long that the watch he saw in December was intended for his anniversary present. It wasn't, and it's not, and now it's on Bucky's wrist and Bucky has no fucking clue what to think when Steve starts to cry.

Well, Bucky has a clue, but other than the fact that he's committed such a deep betrayal, Bucky isn't sure why Steve is falling apart in front of him when he could just as easily do it at home. One thing, a little thing like a stupid watch, tears Steve's heart to shreds and Bucky has no clue.

"Did Tony give you that?" Steve asks quietly, gesturing.

"What?"

"The watch…"

Bucky glances at his wrist fleetingly and shrugs. "Yeah, the first time he broke up with me. He was back within a month and I don't see why this time is going to be different. Any more questions?" he asks, and he almost smirks and it's definitely the liquor that's influencing him to act this way. Liquor and a broken heart are a very lethal combination, Steve is beginning to realize.

"What the hell is  _wrong with you_?"

"Nothing's wrong with me! You're the one who couldn't get that stick out of your ass long enough to see that your marriage was crumbling! God, Steve, you practically pushed Tony into my waiting arms! Fuck, what was I supposed to do? You pushed me away, too. You set yourself up for this shit and now you can't handle it. That isn't my fault."

"I didn't set myself up for  _anything_! This isn't you. This isn't you," he sighs, running a hand over his hair.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Steve gestures wildly with his hand. "This—this isn't you." He steps forward to lightly grab a piece of Bucky's hair and his eyes are wide as if he's searching for the  _real_ Bucky; the real Bucky who would never say these things, the real Bucky who would never have an affair with his husband, the real Bucky who would actually shave and bother to cut his hair.

Bucky slaps Steve's hand away, taking a step back. "It's me, Steve, whether you believe it or not. And this is you," he says with a gesture. "Always believing that people are better than they really are."

Steve shakes his head because he still doesn't believe it. "You're—you're better than this. You don't even know  _who_  you are. I can't believe you. This—this isn't you. You're—you're not the Bucky I used to know."

"No-fucking-shit, Steve!" Bucky snaps. "I've killed people! I have a fuckin' metal arm! Just—just stop! Just  _stop_  with that shit. God, you're trying to so hard to live in the past. Maybe the only reason you were ever with Tony is because he's a link to Howard."

Bucky can't really believe he's said that any more than Steve can believe it. Steve just sort of stands there in shock and Bucky wonders why Steve looks so mortified, but then it clicks.

"You never told him," Bucky concludes. "You never told Tony about Howard, did you?"

Steve is visibly shaken and Bucky sees this as his opportunity to break up their marriage for good. Of course, it's not any of Bucky's business, so he just sits on the couch and props his leg on the coffee table. He finally looks up at Steve with tired eyes. "I'm sorry I had an affair with Tony. And I seriously suggest you tell him about you and Howard before he finds out for himself."

Steve is sure that he's never left anywhere as quickly as he leaves Bucky's apartment.


	25. Chapter 25

Natasha knows Steve all too well. She's sitting on the couch looking expectant so Steve doesn't even bother trying to hide the fact that he's upset. Steve sits next to her with a shaky sigh and Natasha has the decency not to ask Steve what happened during his walk because she has a pretty good idea.

Eventually Steve tries to sleep, but then he's in bed tossing and turning and trying to dissuade himself from telling Tony about Howard. It's none of his business and it'll only make things worse.

* * *

It's been almost week and Steve hasn't heard from Tony. He's not surprised, but he figures now that they've both had time to cool off he'll try calling his husband. He doesn't really expect an answer, but he crosses his fingers and prays that Tony picks up.

Tony hasn't slept in three days. He looks like shit and he's emptied the house of liquor, but the memories still don't escape him. There are good memories of Bucky and their time here and there are horrible memories of the fight with Steve, which Tony has yet to really face and deal with. He's expected to be called horrible things for cheating and lying, but he's never expected to get hit over such a thing or to feel so strongly about any decision he's ever made before.

He definitely isn't expecting it when his phone rings, but when it does part of him hopes that it's Bucky begging for a second chance. But it's not, and Tony sighs when he sees his husband's name flash across the screen.

Steve isn't surprised when Tony doesn't answer, but he calls again and Tony picks up the second time.

"What do you want?"

Steve isn't surprised by that response, either. "We need to talk."

"Yeah, no shit, so get your ass to Malibu so we can do it in person because I'm not coming home until you're out of my tower."

"Tony—"

"No, don't you 'Tony' me."

"This isn't my fault!"

"You hit me, Steve! That  _is_ your fault!"

"You were—" Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He doesn't want to fight about this. He  _really_  doesn't.

"You know what?" Tony snorts. "Fuck doing this in person. I'm done; I can't do it anymore." His voice is void of emotion, and Steve can't really believe he's hearing Tony correctly, and he can't hold back the tears that sting his eyes.

"No, you don't mean that. Please just let me explain—"

"There's nothing to explain. You  _hit me_ , Steve. Nothing about that is okay."

"I was upset; you know I didn't do it intentionally! You were getting defensive and I snapped. I'm so,  _so_  sorry."

"You swore to me that it would never happen again after last time, but it did. I'm not okay with that."

Steve is crying now and it's not only because Tony is asking hinting at a divorce, but it's because he's been so stupid this entire time to believe that things were actually fixable. Maybe they could've been if he hadn't hit Tony, but it's happened, and now Tony doesn't want anything else to do with Steve.

Steve is unaware just how hard he's crying until Tony has to scream over him to be heard.

"Steve!" Tony groans, and he's trying to be strong because this is what he wants. He doesn't want to be married to Captain America anymore. He doesn't want to give Steve another chance because Steve doesn't really deserve one. Getting hit once is bad enough, but Tony has let it happen a second time, and that's not at all okay.

He wants Steve to shut up and he wants Steve to let him go, but he knows fully well that Steve probably won't let go for a long, long time. "I'm gonna go," Tony finally says.

"No," Steve whines softly, wiping at his eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm just—I'm sorry that I overreacted and I'm sorry for hitting you."

Tony holds back a snort. "I appreciate the apology, but that doesn't make it okay."

"I want to talk about what happened."

"There's nothing to talk about, Steve. I want a divorce."

When he hangs up and Steve is left with uncomfortable silence again.

He's glad that Natasha is gone because he needs to let go and he does. He sits on the couch for a long, long time crying and thinking about everything that Tony has told him thus far. And when he remembers what Tony has told him about trying to end things with Bucky, Steve realizes that the fact that Tony has been unfaithful is probably because of his own actions.

* * *

" _Tony!" Steve hollers, his fis_ _t rapping on the bathroom door. "You know how important this is! We're late enough as it is; get your ass out of there!"_

" _I'm getting dressed! Jesus, shut_ _the fuck up! I heard you the first time. Goddamn—_ _"_

_Steve's patience is growing thin and he doesn't resist the urge to knock the bathroom door is. Tony spins around and he tries to dodge the fist but he doesn't, and it collides with Tony's right eye and they both stand there in shock._

" _I'm not going, you can go by yourself," Tony spits, and he's so upset that he_ _can't see straight._

" _Tony—"_

" _I don't wanna fucking hear it!"_

_Bucky is surprised when Tony walks into the living room still wearing his tuxedo with his untied bowtie hanging around his neck. He's upset, that's obvious, and he flops down next to Bucky without saying anything._

_Steve leaves to go to the event by himself and Tony stays home. He finds comfort in resting his head on Bucky's shoulder as he tries to hold himself together. He doesn't tell Bucky about Steve's punch, but when his eye starts to swell Bucky doesn't ask questions. He can draw conclusions but it's not really his place to say anything. He simply gets Tony a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and kisses him better._

* * *

Tony contemplates not answering the phone when Pepper calls him. He knows that Steve has probably called her asking for help, and that she's just worried about him after what's happening. Tony answers it with a sigh and they delve into the whole mess, and Pepper is surprised when she hears that Tony wants a divorce.

"Have you thought about what kind of press this is going to get?"

Tony doesn't pretend to care. He simply shrugs and rests his head against his fist. "You know me, Pep. I've never cared about bad press. I'm putting the whole team at risk and I don't really give a shit. I don't want to be married anymore."

"And what happens after you get divorced?"

"I move on with my life," Tony shrugs. "In fact, I can't wait."

"I hope you know what you're doing."

"You know from experience that I probably have no idea what I'm doing." Tony nearly chuckles. "But hey, I gotta go. I need to make a call."


	26. Chapter 26

"Miranda Williams," the woman answers.

Tony lets out a short sigh. He doesn't really know why he's nervous. He's been seeing Miranda long enough times to be comfortable speaking on the phone with her. "Miranda?"

"Tony," she replies with a hint of relief. "I thought maybe you'd forgotten about your appointment today."

"Yeah, um, I'm not gonna make it. I'm out of town on an impromptu trip."

"Oh, well, would you like to reschedule for a time later in the week? I have an opening Thursday morning if you're available."

"Actually, I really feel like I need it today. A lot of stuff happened and I know it's kind of unconventional, but conventionality isn't really my style, so could we possibly do this over the phone?"

"Well, it's nothing I've done before, but I don't really see why not."

"Thank you," Tony says softly. He's relieved that Miranda is so flexible.

"So what's been going on?"

He holds his breath for a moment before exhaling. "An entire fucking shit storm. I broke up with Bucky," Tony says quietly. It still feels so surreal. He still wishes it never happened.

"How did that go?"

"I did it on the phone like you suggested. It was really hard because I knew I was hurting him. I was hurting myself, too, but I knew I had to do it if I wanted to fix things with Steve."

"Did Bucky take it okay?"

"Not really," Tony mutters. "I mean, would anyone take it okay?"

"Some people better than others."

"I try not to think about how he's doing. I know that he drinks a lot when he's upset. I miss him, though."

"That's understandable. What do you miss about him?"

"I miss having someone to talk to. I can't relate to anyone as easily as I do to him. I miss being with him, hanging out at his apartment, watching TV—just doing anything. I mean, besides the whole Steve issue, everything with Bucky was so simple."

"Do you wish you hadn't ended things?"

"In a way, but I also knew that it was the right thing to do. I couldn't be what he needed. I couldn't just drop everything to be with him and I know that's what he wanted. I knew that as long as I was still married to Steve I couldn't give Bucky everything he deserves. Not that it matters anymore anyway," Tony sighs.

"Why doesn't it matter?"

"Because I told Steve and he flipped out. I don't know how we're ever going to get past this and I really don't want to fix things anymore. When I told him about Bucky he got really upset and he hit me, and I'm emotionally done. I can't do it anymore."

Miranda is a professional and she usually doesn't express any hint of surprise or shock, but when she responds she can't hide her concern. "Steve hit you?"

"Yeah. He was yelling at me, I got defensive and yelled back, and then he punched me. I left and I haven't been home since."

"How did that make you feel?"

Tony snorts and answers, "Violated, but Steve is against any sort of bullying so if he throws a punch I probably deserve it."

"Has this happened before?" Miranda asks.

"Yeah, it happened a few of months ago when I was getting ready for a benefit. Steve was already dressed and he was hollering at me to hurry up. I got pissed and told him to shut up, and he kind of knocked the door down and hit me. Bucky was living with us then but he didn't ask what happened. I guess he assumed, but he never brought it up, which I'm thankful for."

"What was your reaction the first time he hit you?"

Tony clears his throat and attempts to sound neutral and unbothered when he explains what happened.

"I wasn't as angry as I should've been. I mean, I was pissed, but I didn't really do anything about it. I told Steve that he could go to the benefit alone. I knew at that point that things were getting bad. I came into the living room where Bucky was watching TV and I sat down next to him and leaned against him. I could tell he wanted to ask what happened, and he seemed concerned, but he never asked. Now that I look back at all the shit that's happened, I kind of realize that he was there at my most vulnerable moments after fights with Steve. And maybe—I don't know, maybe that's the reason we grew so close. He was always kind of like a refuge."

"From what I'm hearing it sounds to me like you're concentrating on ending things with Bucky rather than fixing things with Steve. The last time we met, you sounded so sure about mending your marriage. What happened?"

Tony bites his lip a little and sighs into the receiver. "After Steve punched me, I left for my house in Malibu, and I haven't seen him since. He called me earlier today wanting to talk about what happened. I guess hearing his voice again set me off, and I told him that it's over and I'm done."

"Was he surprised?"

"He was upset, yeah," Tony shrugs. "He apologized for punching me, and I told him that I appreciated the apology, but it didn't change anything. I mean, I know—I  _know_  that I'm not innocent in any of this. The fact still stands that he punched me after he promised never to do it again."

"Do you think if Steve hadn't hit you that you could've worked through the mess of the affair?"

"I was hoping," Tony says quietly. "Maybe it's a guilt thing for cheating on him, but I was starting to feel like I owed it to him to give it a second chance. I know that he has a big heart and he could've forgiven me in time, but I guess what I said got to him. I—I guess it's my fault that it escalated to this."

Miranda clears her throat quietly. "Do you mind me asking what it was that you said?"

"Steve kept insisting that I had some part in persuading Bucky to have the affair, which I didn't, but Steve didn't believe that. He kept saying that Bucky wouldn't do that to him but he could believe that I would cheat, and I got so tired of hearing him defend Bucky that I snapped back. My response was something like, 'Well, he did, and so did I' and that's when everything went to shit. Steve had already overturned the kitchen table and that's when he threw the punch."

"That hardly justifies spousal abuse. What did Steve do after that? Did he show immediate remorse?"

"No," Tony says quietly. "He said 'fuck you' and yelled at me to get out. And he said he hated me, which I didn't even address when I'm talking on the phone. Okay, and I know that people say things they don't mean when they're upset, but I—I can't ignore that either. I don't think 'I hate you' is something you say when you don't mean it."

"I can see why you would think that," Miranda remarks.

"I guess I should've reminded him that he said it. I'm not used to reacting emotionally, but I guess I did when I talked to Steve on the phone."

"How have you been dealing with all of this?"

"Drinking," Tony mutters. "I drink a lot; I don't sleep for days at a time. I can't remember the last time I ate anything substantial."

"I want you to try something. I'd like you to try a schedule with regular hours and meals. I promise that, if nothing else, you will feel more physically able to deal with the emotional stress you're going through. Try it for a week, two weeks, a month—however long you're willing to try."

Tony makes a face, but Pepper has always told him the same thing, so he figures it wouldn't hurt to at least  _try_.

"I think I could try it for a week," he agrees.

"Good," Miranda says softly.

"There's something else I wanted to ask you."

"What's that?"

"What's the next step? I—I feel like I need to go home and deal with Steve directly, but I don't know how. I don't think I can stay in the tower."

"Could you ask Steve to find a place to stay for the moment? Do you think that's something he'd be willing to do?"

"Maybe. I know he wants to talk about what happened, and if I do convince him that we need a divorce, I think it'd be best to do it quickly. I can't exactly deal with it if I'm across the continent."

"It would be a bit difficult."

"So, I think—I don't know, I think I'm gonna fly home and see if Steve's willing to move out for a while. I guess I'll see you in a week, then?"

"Sure thing. Bye, Tony."

* * *

When Tony lands he sits in the jet where it's quiet and nothing is distracting him. He knows he shouldn't do this. He knows he's entirely predictable for doing it, but he feels the burning need for closure, so he picks up his phone and texts Bucky.

_**Meet me in the diner in 30 minutes. It's important.** _

* * *

Tony never does get a reply, but he goes to the diner anyway. The place is mostly empty as he takes a seat in one of the booths with a cup of crappy coffee and a stale donut. Tony snorts at the music they're playing because it sounds like something Steve would listen to.

He's too busy mentally criticizing the horrible elevator music that he doesn't hear the bells on the door jingle as someone steps into the restaurant, and then Bucky slides into the opposite side of Tony's booth.

"What's so important?"

Tony is startled as he jumps a little. "Didn't think you were coming."

"I wasn't going to," Bucky mumbles.

"So why did you?"

He shrugs. "I—I don't know. I'm fuckin' stupid, I guess. And I thought that maybe if you were serious, you'd wait for me. I didn't think you'd still be here."

Tony finally looks up at him and their eyes lock only for a moment. "Well, I waited, so what does that tell you?"

Bucky purses his lips and looks down at the cracked linoleum tabletop, deciding to remain silent.

Tony clears his throat. "I'm going through so much shit right now and I'm sorry I dragged you into it. I've known for a while Steve and I were headed to divorce. You were just the unintended collateral damage in all of this. I'm sorry I hurt you."

Bucky snorts. "I'm sorry I was stupid enough to get attached and let you convince me you were actually leaving Steve."

"I don't know where Steve and I are headed now. I told him I wanted a divorce, so I'm coming back home to see if that's what I really want and to deal with all of that, but there's here's the thing: I love you. I don't know what that means. I don't know where you and I stand, but I have a ton of shit to sort out. I don't expect you to wait around for me, but maybe when all of this is over, if by some miracle you wanted to, we could work things out."

"What makes you think I want to work things out?"

"I don't know if you do," Tony admits sheepishly. "I couldn't blame you if you didn't want to. But I'm hoping you'd want to if the opportunity presented itself."

Bucky looks down at his hands on the table, shrugging. "I don't know what to say. I can't give you an answer right now and I sure as fuck can't promise you anything."

"You don't have to promise me. I don't expect an answer. I just wanted you to know." Tony wads up his napkin and drinks the last sip of his coffee. "I'll see you around," he says before he stands up.

"Yeah," Bucky shrugs. "Maybe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck everything I said in the last chapter's notes. I'm finishing this.


	27. Chapter 27

Steve still isn't home, but Tony doesn't know that. Tony isn't home, either. He gets a hotel room and shuts himself in it until he builds up the courage to call Steve.

* * *

Two days later and Tony finally builds up that courage. He's sitting at the edge of the bed and it's late afternoon. It's an awkward time for such a call, he knows that, but he knows there's never really a good time for this. He exhales slowly and listens to the rings before Steve finally picks up.

"Tony?"

"Yeah."

"Hi." It's simple enough, but somehow Steve still manages to sound hopeful and apprehensive, but mostly he's just relieved to hear that Tony is alive. "Where are you?"

"I'm back in town in a hotel room. I didn't think it'd be a good idea for us to see each other for a while."

"Well, I—I'm not even home. I've been staying with Natasha since you left."

Tony can hear the sounds that Steve makes when he's trying not to cry, but he does his best to ignore them. "Look, I don't know what's gonna happen, but for now I think we should just… stay separated. Just take some time to figure some stuff out, and I guess if you're staying with Natasha, I can go home."

"I didn't really ask if I could stay semi-permanently," Steve mutters.

"Then go home and I'll stay where I'm at."

"Does it really matter if either one of us goes home?"

Tony sighs heavily because Steve just doesn't get it. "On that note, I'm gonna go. Is there anything else you're going to need for a while?"

"I think I've brought enough with me," Steve answers. "But you don't have to go."

"Yeah, actually, I do. Bye, Steve."

* * *

Tony's next appointment with Miranda isn't like the others. They talk about Tony's childhood and the neglect and their sudden death. Miranda quickly equates that to be the exact root of Tony's problems, not that anyone else would suspect differently.

Near the end of the session, Tony mentions Steve. He tells Miranda that they had a civil conversation over the phone and he tells her that he and Bucky have had a little bit of closure, but he's not really sure what to do next. He still doesn't know if things are worth fixing, or if he wants to fix them, and so for now Miranda tells him to focus on fixing himself.

* * *

Tony's back living in the tower and he's hired a housekeeper to do the things that are Steve's responsibility. Without the distraction of a lover, he delves back into research and development. It gives him a familiar sense of comfort and it's good for him to work with his hands again. It helps him with the guilt. If he's working, he's certainly not focusing on the immense feeling of guilt that's weighing on his heart.

* * *

The days go by and Tony is able to abstain from alcohol. He doesn't really try to, but he doesn't really see the need for it because his mind is so busy with other things where he's usually dwelling on his mistakes and failed relationships. He doesn't think about Steve. He doesn't think about Bucky. He thinks about himself, and for once, it isn't seen as him being selfish.

Tony eats more than once a day and he gets a minimum of 4 hours of sleep every night. When he reports this to Miranda, she seems pleased. He asks her about what's next and she tells him that perhaps he and Steve should arrange a meeting to see where they stand.

With a little encouraging, Tony agrees.

* * *

It's nearing eleven o'clock the following morning and Tony waits in the café. He likes to think he's somewhat presentable and he hopes the atmosphere helps them both relax and takes things easier.

Steve walks in and the bell on the door jingles and Steve pretends that he hasn't been crying. He gives his husband a weak smile and slides into the opposite side of their booth in the corner. He likes to think he's as pulled together as Tony looks, but he's not.

Tony is beginning to think it's a bad idea because Steve is sniffling and Tony feels awkward because he hasn't prepared for this.

"Are you alright?" Tony finally asks.

Steve wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand and nods. "I'm sorry, I've just been—I'm sorry." He apologizes profusely but he's still crying a little.

Tony sits back and he doesn't say anything and he doesn't even touch Steve. He waits for Steve to calm down and when he does, Tony asks him, "How have you been?"

"I've been better. Have you been taking care of yourself?"

Tony shrugs. "Somewhat. I just— Are you even ready to have this conversation? I don't want you to be crying."

"Are you serious right now?" Steve replies. "It's normal to cry when you're feeling emotional, Tony. Not that you'd know anything about thats."

Tony looks at his hands that are folded on top of the table. "I don't know if our relationship can be salvaged at this point."

A few more tears fall and Steve nods. He's known this was coming. He's seen it coming since Tony admitted the affair. Some hopeful part of him somewhere actually believed they could fix things, and maybe they could have if Tony had kept the affair secret, but it's out now and there's really nothing they can do but try to divorce civilly.

Tony isn't expecting what Steve says next. "So because I hit you and you're requesting a divorce, you don't have to own up to cheating on me with my best friend?"

"I never said—"

"You're doing it, though," Steve interjects. "I've been so worried about apologizing for hitting you that I never really even thought about what you've done."

"It's over now. It doesn't matter anymore. What matters—"

"It  _does_   _too_  matter. Of course it matters!" Steve snaps in hushed tones. "Why the hell are you trying to make it out like you're innocent?"

"Why does it matter? If we can't even fix what went wrong, then why does it matter?"

"Because I think I could," Steve admits. "I think that I could eventually forgive you for what you did if you were really set on fixing things, but I think that you're gonna do what you always do; you're going to throw away something that's slightly damaged."

"That's a beautiful analogy, but I don't think our marriage is only 'slightly damaged'," Tony says with air quotes. "I'm not sure if I can get over the guilt. I don't even know if I can forgive myself for what I did. At first I told myself that you drove me away, but I'm starting to realize that that was just another excuse."

"Oh, you're  _just_  starting to realize that it's an excuse. What brought on that revelation?"

Tony allows himself to roll his eyes. "Miranda and I discussed it last week."

"Miranda?" Steve echoes. He seems surprised at the mention of her name. They haven't been to a session since the huge blow-up and Steve isn't aware that Tony has still been making himself appointments.

"Yeah, I've been seeing her every week."

"For how long?"

Tony shrugs and refuses to look at his husband. "Not long."

"Is it helping?"

"Yeah," Tony nods. "It is."

Steve sighs and rests his head in his hand. "I—I don't even know what to say."

"Neither do I."

Steve begins to cry softly again and Tony hesitates to reach out for his hand, but he finally does. He sets his own hand on top of Steve's and Steve doesn't pull it back. He just sits and realizes that their past months of trying have been in vain.

 


	28. Chapter 28

Steve and Tony are sitting at the small breakfast table in the kitchen. Steve's belongings have been moved out of the tower with some reluctance and he still can't believe this is happening. He still doesn't want it to happen, but Tony is pushing for it. He's been pushing for months and Steve has finally broken down and agreed to sign the papers.

But even now as he sits at this familiar table in the place he's called his home for years, he freezes and he can't move because once he signs the papers, it's over. It's over and he'll be Steve and Tony will just be Tony and they'll both be single.

Steve knows he has an amazing group of friends who will get him through this. Tony does, too, and Tony also has his therapist, but even with all of that reassurance Steve is dreading the aftermath of their divorce.

He knows that the media will be all over it; they already have been. He knows there's a chance that Bucky and Tony will resume their relationship. He knows that there will be speculation. He knows that he'll be at the center of the speculation and everyone will see that Steve Rogers has been played for a fool.

Finally, Tony is tired of waiting. "You said you were ready," he says with a sigh.

Steve nods. "I know what I said. It's just—it's hard." He sniffles and rubs his eyes briefly with his free hand as he tries to hold his emotions back. Crying will only make things worse and Tony will only get frustrated.

As hard as Steve tries, he fails. He's crying and he drops his pen so that he can put his head in his hands. He wishes this would all just go away. He wishes he could just  _not be_  right now and then he wouldn't have to deal with any of this. He wouldn't have to deal with the emotional agony or the fact that his husband and his best friend have betrayed him to such a degree.

Several minutes in and Steve wipes his eyes and clears his throat to ask a lingering question that's been on his mind. "Do you still talk to Bucky?"

"What?"

"Do you?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question, Tony."

"No! No, I haven't seen him in months. What does that—?"

It's stupid, but Steve is so worried about this. "Please just don't— I know how you operate, Tony, and I'm just begging you to please, please stay away from him."

"I don't think you get to tell me what to do anymore," Tony reminds him gently.

Steve lets out a soft cry and nods. "I know, but please,  _please_  don't do that to me."

Tony is confused, and he's wondering why Steve is suddenly so upset. "What are you even talking about?"

"You and Bucky! You two getting back together and everyone knowing what happened between you! It's bound to come out sooner or later."

"Steve, no one cares about that."

"Yes, they do! Obviously you don't read or watch TV anymore. It's everywhere! It's humiliating! The entire thing is humiliating and everyone is going to know what you did! Then they're going to look at me and wonder what the hell I did to make you do such a thing and I didn't even  _do anything_. That's the whole entire point. You two were just so selfish and disgusting throughout the entire thing!"

Tony pinches the bridge of his nose. "If you're that upset, you can sign the papers already and be done with me."

"It's not that easy. I'm sorry," he sighs. "I'm sorry."

Tony leans forward and puts his head in his hands. "Please sign the papers, Steve."

"I don't—"

"No." Tony looks up and his jaw sets. "No, you don't get to do this. You said you'd sign them today. It's  _today_." He reaches across the table and pushes the papers toward Steve even further. "You not signing them isn't going to do anything; I can still be granted a divorce. I can still see other people if you don't sign them and I would really appreciate it if you would—"

Steve doesn't want to hear anything else Tony says. He snatches the pen and scribbles his name on the appropriate lines. "There," he snaps. "There are your damn papers."

Tony sits still and Steve is still crying when he gets up to leave. He wishes he could disappear and he wishes he could just fade into the background of everything he's a part of. He's crying and Tony is uncomfortable about it so he stands up to catch Steve's wrist.

"Are you okay?"

"No!" Steve snaps. He snatches his hand away and Tony's sorry that he ever asked because Steve is crying harder. "I didn't want this! Of course I'm not okay!"

Tony crosses his arms and he's quiet as he speaks. "Well, I'm sorry, but I did want this."

"I'm leaving," Steve murmurs. He wipes at his eyes and his hands fumble for his keys. He's so shaken and upset and he wants Tony to stop staring at him, but at the same time he doesn't. He wants Tony to feel guilt and remorse for his decisions and he wants Tony to realize that he's made a huge mistake.

Tony really doesn't think Steve should be riding his bike home in the emotional shape he's in. He clears his throat and says, "Let me drive you home."

" _No_."

"Steve—"

"I said no!" Steve snarls, and Tony backs down because he doesn't want to argue anymore. He just wants Steve out of his presence because they're both perfectly capable of destroying each other and Tony doesn't want any part in Steve's destruction. He briefly follows Steve on his way to the elevator. "Be safe," he says quietly.

Just before the elevator doors close, Steve looks up at Tony with sad, tired eyes. "Call me if you change your mind."

Tony's sad for Steve because Steve still holds onto some hope that things could ever be okay between them again. Nonetheless, Tony nods. "Sure. Bye, Steve."

 


	29. Chapter 29

After 6 months with Miranda, Tony is finally coming to terms with what he's done. He's forgiven himself for the most part but there are times he looks back and wishes things had gone differently. He sometimes wonders that maybe if they hadn't invited Bucky into their lives, their marriage could've been saved.

Miranda says it's possible their marriage could've been saved if Bucky hadn't been involved, but even with Tony's past behavior he would still have been likely to venture outside of his marriage. They work on identifying the situations that lead to Tony's downfall and Tony finally gets closure. He doesn't even drink excessively anymore. He's sleeping better and he's working better and Pepper has to remind him less and less of the things he has to do.

Miranda tells Tony that their sessions won't be necessary for much longer and Tony's kind of apprehensive about that. Then again, the end of his therapy is a new beginning for him of sorts. He's got the tools to deal with all of the things he's never dealt with before, but even then he's scared of messing it up. Miranda assures Tony that if he stumbles and breaks, she'll be there to help him pick up the pieces and try again.

He's still anxious about coming across Steve, but it hasn't happened yet. Tony's thankful because he doesn't have to see how Steve is coping, but at the same time he wishes Steve could see that, if nothing else, Tony has benefited from their separation. He knows Steve would find comfort in that.

Tony's never stopped thinking about Bucky. He wants to call him, always. He wants to be with him again. It'd be enough for Tony to just be  _near him_. They could be friends and Tony wouldn't care because at least he would still have Bucky. Tony keeps telling himself that if they're meant to be together and the time is right, they'll run into each other. The city is huge, but they're bound to cross paths sooner or later, and Tony's still surprised that it happens when it does. He's leaving the tower when it happens.

Bucky clears his throat and he's sort of faded into the background as he leans against the building, the stale cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. The cigarette, seemingly forgotten, falls freely from his lips and onto the pavement when Tony looks at him.

"Bucky," Tony says, and the tone of his voice does little to deny his surprise.

"Hi," Bucky responds simply. He runs a hand through his hair and he's trying to act so nonchalant that it's obvious. He's nervous and it's stupid but being around Tony makes him act like this.

"To what do I owe this surprise?"

Bucky shoves his hands in his pocket and kicks the ground lightly because he feels so incredibly stupid under Tony's stare. "Just wondering how you're doin' and everything. It's been a while." He shrugs. "You got a minute?"

Tony purses his lips and gestures with his head. "Walk with me."

"No, I just—"

"No, I'm meeting someone. C'mon." Tony unlocks the car that's waiting by the curb and Bucky hesitates before stepping closer. He probably shouldn't be doing this, but if he wants to talk to Tony he doesn't have a choice.

They climb in and Tony glances across the car. "You been okay?"

Bucky shrugs and snorts because it's kind of obvious. "I lost everyone I had so… not really. I've been better, though. Trying not to focus on what happened. How 'bout you?"

"I'm divorced."

Bucky tries not to roll his eyes because literally  _everyone_  knows that. "You look good. Healthier, I mean."

"Therapy," Tony shrugs as he pulls onto the street.

"Therapy? Bucky echoes.

"Yeah. I've been going for a while now. It's really been helping me sort out my endless piles of shit and emotional trauma."

Bucky nods and it's silent for a while. It's not awkward or uncomfortable; it's pleasant and it's just like old times, which is weird considering the circumstances. He doesn't really even know why he's in Tony's car and he has no idea where they're going. That's when it occurs to him to ask.

"Where, exactly, are we headed?"

"Dinner with Pepper," Tony answers, glancing over with a small smile. "Wanna join?"

"I—I don't think that's—"

"I guess Pepper's not exactly your biggest fan." Tony glances over and Bucky's just staring at his lap and Tony feels stupid because it's too soon for jokes. "Hey," he says softly, "it'll blow over. People will forget."

"It doesn't make it okay," Bucky sighs.

"Kinda late for regret, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Bucky shrugs. "But I talked to Steve the other day."

"And?"

"He was upset, but he seemed a little more receptive than the last time I tried talking to him. Not a total loss."

"Not a win, either."

"Can't blame him," Bucky mutters, picking at the hole in his jeans.

"Is he doing okay, though?"

"He seems to be. He's living with Natasha for now. He said something about it being a transition phase."

Tony breathes a small sigh of relief. "Good."

It's silent for a short while until Bucky speaks again. "Why don't you just tell people what really happened?"

"Because it doesn't matter. Steve being an ass doesn't justify me cheating on him. Nothing I say is going to make a difference anyway; he's everyone's favorite. Hell, he was even my _dad's_ favorite. Steve Rogers can do no wrong."

Bucky starts to say something about Howard, but he figures if Tony knows about Howard and Steve, he'd bring it up. It's obvious that Steve still hasn't told Tony, but it's really none of Bucky's business, so Bucky just stays quiet.

* * *

"You coming in?" Tony asks when he pulls up to the restaurant. "I'm sure there's room for one more."

"No, I'll just—"

"Aww, c'mon. Pep's not that bad."

"But I'm ninety-five percent sure that Steve told her about what happened," Bucky retorts. "Not exactly a good dinner topic."

"...I'm going in. You can stay out here if you want." Tony climbs out and leaves Bucky no choice but to do the same. He jogs up beside Tony and falls into his stride, head lowered as they enter the crowded restaurant.

Pepper is already seated and she smiles when she sees Tony winding his way through the tables, but as soon as she sees the man trailing behind him, she stands up.

Immediately upon their approach, she stands up. "Tony," she says in a warning tone.

"Pepper," Tony retorts in the same voice. "C'mon. Be nice."

"The table's for two," she says simply. "Not that I wouldn't be delighted to have your boyfriend join us."

"He's not my boyfriend," Tony says flippantly.

"Oh, right, not anymore. Sorry, I forgot," she says with probably the fakest smile Tony's ever seen. "I'm sure you're just friends now."

Tony sighs and rolls his eyes. "You don't have to stay."

Pepper is already gathering her cell phone and her purse. "Good, because I'm not having any part of this. I'll talk to you later, Tony."

"If you insist."

Tony and Bucky are left standing next to the empty booth and Tony sits down, motioning for Bucky to do the same.

"I'm not—"

"Sit," Tony says simply.

Bucky hesitates but finally sits down, tucking his hair behind his ear. "I shouldn't be here. It's stupid, I—"

Tony looks at him pointedly. "It's not stupid."

"No, I meant showing up to talk to you. It was stupid."

"Why was it stupid?" He ducks his head to catch Bucky's gaze. "It's not stupid."

Bucky's tongue slides out to wet his lips. "So what is this, then? Are we just picking up where we left off?"

"I wouldn't say that," Tony shrugs. "I never took you out to dinner before, so I wouldn't say that. It could be starting over… if you want it to be."

Bucky shakes his head and he really thinks he should get going, but just before he stands up Tony reaches across the table and touches his metal hand.

"Bucky," he pleads softly. "Come on. There's a reason you were waiting for me."

Bucky shrugs and looks away. "I'm stupid for feeling like this."

"Well you're here now and you can't do anything about it, so shut the hell up and have dinner with me." Tony clears his throat and he stares at Bucky until Bucky rolls his eyes and begins to look over the menu.

* * *

Soon, the awkwardness fades away, the familiarity settles back in, and after dinner Tony says he'll drive Bucky home.

They're quiet for the most part until Tony pulls up to the curb and turns the car off. "So, here we are."

Bucky stares at his lap and Tony's not sure if he's expecting something. He probably is, but Tony doesn't want to push it.

"Wanna come up for a drink?"

"I don't drink much these days," Tony shrugs, and he's trying to read the signs but Bucky is being so damn careful.

Bucky snorts and brushes his hair out of his face. "Since when?"

"Since after I wrecked my shitty marriage. If you had wine, it'd be a different story, but you're not exactly a wine guy."

He holds down a laugh and shakes his head, climbing out of the car. "Suit yourself, Stark." Bucky turns and heads for the building, but Tony isn't ready to let him go. He kills the engine and climbs out, jogging after Bucky.

"Had a feeling you'd change your mind." Bucky smirks over his shoulder.

"Shut up."

Tony follows at his heels and once they're in the apartment, Bucky heads for the liquor cabinet. Tony watches him closely and admires the way he moves under his clothes. He's never known for sure if he'd be this close to Bucky again but now he is and Bucky's pouring him a drink and things are feeling sort of good again.

When Bucky passes the glass, their fingers brush and Tony tries to ignore the shock of cold metal against his warm flesh but he can't. It's so familiar and he doesn't realize until this moment just how much he's missed it. And apparently he's in a daze, because the next thing Bucky says goes through one ear and out the other.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Tony doesn't even hear the question. He's too occupied by the shape of Bucky's mouth and the way his lips move when he speaks. And suddenly, Bucky is right in front of him and they're kissing and Bucky's tastes like the cheap whiskey he's serving, but it's good. It's so good that he can't stop, and Bucky isn't exactly complaining. The kiss is messy and it's mostly teeth and tongue, but hands start to roam and Bucky pulls Tony to the bedroom.

It's impressive how quickly they're undressed and Tony isn't refraining from anything when he pushes Bucky onto the bed. He licks and kisses his way down Bucky's stomach and his hand squeezes around Bucky's hard cock, but as much as Bucky enjoys being worshipped, he wants Tony inside of him even more. His hips jolt against Tony's grip and he lets out a quiet groan. He knows he's not going to last long, and the longer Tony teases, the more he needs release.

Tony's mouth is relentless as he drags his tongue along Bucky's protruding hipbone and Bucky threads metal fingers through Tony's dark hair, giving it a rough tug. Tony isn't ready to stop but Bucky  _makes him_  when he pulls Tony up to his mouth. And then they're kissing again and Bucky can't wait for Tony to fuck him senseless.

Bucky fumbles for the lube in the nightstand drawer and he grasps it, pushing it into Tony's hands with a needy moan. "Please," he rasps. " _Tony_."

Tony finally realizes just how much he's needed. The feeling warms his whole being because he's forgotten what it's like to be needed. He wants Bucky to feel just as needed and he leans down to kiss him again as he coats his fingers generously.

Bucky's long legs drape on either side of Tony and Tony's fingers work him quickly. He's so ready for this and he wants it. He  _needs_  it. He needs to be close to someone again, he needs to be loved; he needs to be taken care of.

Seeing Bucky in such desperate need makes Tony want him even more. His fingers slip out and he doesn't waste any time pushing in and bottoming out. When he does so, Bucky's cries are like nothing Tony's ever heard.

They build a steady rhythm and they're both so loud and Bucky's so loose and every touch is electrifying. Tony knows he won't last long, and by the way Bucky is reacting, he won't last much longer. Metal fingers dig into Tony's shoulder and his other hand reaches out blindly for purchase. The sound of breaking glass is muffled by their moans and Bucky's entirely unaware that he's broken his only lamp. He doesn't care, though, because Tony can replace it ten times over.

"Oh  _god_ ," Bucky groans, and he's certain that he's in such bliss that there are tears in his eyes when he comes. Dry sobs leave his lips and he drags his fingers over Tony's shoulders, leaving red marks in the wake but it's okay because Tony's face is in his neck and Bucky can feel it when Tony comes inside of him. He's missed this feeling and he's certain he doesn't want anyone else to fill him like this ever again.

Tony's panting above him and it's not until he pulls out and climbs off the bed that Bucky speaks.

"You leaving?"

Tony shakes his head and reaches for the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand. "I'm never letting you go again."


	30. Chapter 30

There's a low murmur in Tony's ear that pulls him from his deep sleep and the warm body pressed against his back tells him that Bucky is still curled up with him. Tony turns his head slightly and when his nose brushes the metal arm, he grins. "Hey."

Bucky snorts and noses at Tony's hair. "Hm?"

"Either my memory escapes me or this is a sign of the apocalypse; it's Sunday. Why aren't you making pancakes?"

"We're out of shit to make them with."

"Where's my coffee, then?"

It's affectionate and halfhearted when Bucky says, "You're an ass."

"Well, if we're going by the past six months, you've brought me coffee in bed and made pancakes on Sunday morning for as long as I can remember. Not my fault you're breaking your own traditions."

Bucky shifts behind Tony and presses his chin in the crook of his neck. "I thought maybe we'd go out this week."

Tony squirms out of Bucky's hold, rolling over to look at him properly, and when he does, he smiles because Bucky always looks so beautiful in the mornings. He kisses Bucky and it's soft and sweet and they breathe each other in for a short while. That is, until Tony pulls away and sits up with a shrug.

"We can go out if you want."

* * *

They go to Bucky's favorite café in Brooklyn and it's almost comical that Steve and Natasha are there. Bucky knows he shouldn't care, but he does, and he notices that Steve glances at him and Tony throughout the duration of their meal.

When Bucky gets up to go to the bathroom, Natasha pretends not to notice that Steve heads in the same direction at the same time.

It's been a while since they've seen each other, but Bucky isn't caught off guard when he hears Steve's voice behind him.

"Hey."

Bucky takes a deep breath and contemplates not acknowledging him, but he knows that Steve is relentless, so he turns around slowly. "Hi."

Steve's eyes shoot to the ground and Bucky's relieved because he doesn't really want to look at Steve directly.

"You doing alright?"

He shrugs a little. "I'm okay."

Steve nods. "How's Tony doing?"

Bucky refrains from snorting because it's really none of Steve's business, but Bucky is trying to get away from being  _that person._ And, judging by Steve's tone, he's just genuinely asking.

"He's good," Bucky shrugs, crossing his arms. "How have you been?"

"I'm good," Steve says softly. "I'm doing a lot better lately. Look, Bucky—"

"You don't have to say it," Bucky cuts in. He's sure Steve is going to bring up the whole affair thing. "I know what I did was fucked up, okay? And I'm sorry."

"I wasn't actually going to say anything about that." Steve looks down at his feet, clearing his throat, and Bucky isn't expecting to hear the next thing Steve says. "I've been dealing with my own stuff, getting help, going to counseling after the divorce; all that. And I've sort of come to terms with all of it, but it's just that—Tony never looked at me the way he looks at you."

Bucky isn't sure how he's supposed to respond to that. It's not even relevant right now. His gut tells him to ignore it, but he certainly isn't going to let Steve think those ridiculous things.

"That's not true," he replies finally.

"Yes, it is. When you came along, our marriage was long gone. I just wish I would've seen that earlier."

"Well, it doesn't matter now," Bucky retorts, and he's not trying to sound snarky but it kind of comes across that way.

Regardless, the corners of Steve's mouth tugs up in the smallest of smiles. "I guess you're right. No point in dwelling on the past, right?"

"Guess not."

Bucky is becoming increasingly uncomfortable, but this exchange between them is the closest thing that has felt like the old Steve and Bucky since Bucky fell off that train, which is odd considering, but maybe Tony truly was the one to bring him back.

After a moment, Bucky clears his throat. "So, where does that leave us?"

"I want Tony to be happy. That's all I want," Steve mutters. "That's all I can hope for. I just need to know he's okay and that he's happy. And if—if you make him happy, well… that's great."

Bucky can't even believe what he's hearing. He's known Steve for a while, and Steve does have the tendency to be an ass sometimes, but this Steve that is standing here talking to him right now is the closest thing to Steve that Bucky has seen in the last year.

"He's happy," Bucky whispers.

That's that, then. Steve has his answer and he has closure and things can only look up from here.

"I forgive you," Steve says next, shrugging a shoulder. "Kinda just needed you to know that."

Bucky doesn't deserve forgiveness; he knows that. But he thinks about it sometimes and he thinks about how nice it'd be to have Steve's blessing, and until this moment that's seemed like a delusional want. Yet here Steve is, in all of his humble glory, and Bucky realizes that just maybe Tony was the reason for Steve being the way he was all those months ago.

"Thank you," Bucky finally says, because that's all he  _can_ say.

Steve purses his lips and nods, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'll see you 'round, then?"

"If you—yeah, sure," Bucky stutters. He watches Steve walk away before going into the bathroom. He blinks away the tears and when he's done, he goes back to the table where Tony is waiting for him and he can enjoy his waffles and he can enjoy Tony's stupid jokes and he can finally enjoy being happy without feeling such immense guilt for what he's done.


End file.
